[stopdog]

do you want the therapist to reassure you more? Do they have the ability to do so for you? Do you know what sorts of things you find it useful?

[atisketatasket]

I said no - I don't ask them for reassurance. Often they offer it unsolicited. But for me it's better if reassurance comes from people who are not my therapist.

[stopdog]

I usually find it irritating when the woman tries. She is so very very bad at it and off-base. And has no ability to do so as she cannot possibly know.

But, to be fair (and I so want to be fair to therapists) I am not that much good at being reassured by anyone. I prefer everyone just not do it at me.

[AllHeart]

No, I do not want my t to reassure me more. She reassures me just enough, without sugar-coating, for my needs.

No, my therapist already reassures me an appropriate amount. It isn't something I ask for that often anyway. I prefer to get my reassurance from my family members.

[ruh roh]

I voted yes, it might be nice if she does it more, but now I am wondering if she does do it and I can't pick up on it, or maybe there is no reassurance to be given at this time. I have asked her to say things like yes, indeed, and she's done that, so maybe it's a question of being more clear at this end of things. I don't know. There is a lot going on that there is no legitimate way to assure anything will go well, especially not with an ongoing family crisis, so maybe it's not worth bringing up.

[Argonautomobile]

I'm not sure. What would that look like? I think reassurances can be a way to shut down conversation. Sometimes "I'm sure it'll be fine" is code for "I find your worry silly and tiresome. Let's stop talking about it now."

Unless it's just me who does that.

[stopdog]

Here is one way it looks when they try to do it at me:
Sometimes they try saying things like "you are doing a good job taking care of your sick person"
and I am left going "how the hell would you know?"

[Argonautomobile]

Originally Posted by stopdog

Here is one way it looks when they try to do it at me:
Sometimes they try saying things like "you are doing a good job taking care of your sick person"
and I am left going "how the hell would you know?"

Oh, that seems disingenuous as hell.

[ruh roh]

Originally Posted by stopdog

Sometimes they try saying things like "you are doing a good job taking care of your sick person"
and I am left going "how the hell would you know?"

Thanks for the clarification. I thought it meant reassurance, as in, It's not likely to be an eternal hell.

[stopdog]

I meant reassurance in any way the client sees it. I just gave an example of how those I see attempt to do it.

[skeksi]

I said "other" because my T provides unasked-for reassurance at times (which I find very comforting) but sometimes I want it more. However, I am conflicted about whether I need it more--I fear being too dependent.

I hate it when he tries to reassure me. It either sounds minimising and impatient or patronising. And I know he doesn't mean to be, he wouldn't do it on purpose.
I once pulled him up on it and he said "When will I learn? Reassurance is never reassuring" but he still does it sometimes.
Like about my loved one who had a medical emergency. He was trying to be reassuring about their health, but I don't see how he could possibly know, so it seemed like a waste of time.
I am planning to have another discussion with him about not trying to reassure me.

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by stopdog

do you want the therapist to reassure you more? Do they have the ability to do so for you? Do you know what sorts of things you find it useful?

I put no, because she does a good job reassuring me when it is needed. When I am feeling bad about my life and the way things are going, she usually tells me that I am doing better than I think I am, compared to a year ago, and even though I don't always believe her, it is helpful for me. But, in general, my problems don't necessarily require reassurance.

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by stopdog

Here is one way it looks when they try to do it at me:
Sometimes they try saying things like "you are doing a good job taking care of your sick person"
and I am left going "how the hell would you know?"

I am guessing maybe your T is saying that because you tell her how and what you do to take care of your sick person, and sees that as a nice and caring thing to be doing for them? I don't see it as horrifying as you probably do-but I do see how you may find that way off base for you.

[justdesserts]

Reassurance from my t sounds different from how it is described here. When I am looking for reassurance, I want him to say something like, "I believe you are emotionally capable of dealing with this difficult situation because ____." Or "You are stronger than you believe you are. Stop minimizing your abilities." I suffer. From a lot of self-doubt and hearing that someone believes in me helps me have the courage to do things I don't think I can do.

[Miswimmy1]

I put that it would be nice if she would do it more.

I feel like instead of reassurance, validation is a better word for what I wish my therapists would do more of. It's not so much that I want them to tell me everything will be ok and work ok. That's annoys me because there is no way that they know what the future will bring. They don't know and they are making statements that they can't keep. That bothers me more than reassures me. What I do want more of is the therapist recognizing my concerns and anxieties and telling me that we will work through it and that it is possible for me to come out the other side. I don't know if that is still considered reassurance. Whatever it's called, that's what I want.

[BlessedRhiannon]

I keep coming back to this poll because I don't know how to respond and yet it's drawing me in and making me want to respond.

In general, no, I don't need my therapist to reassure me more. She doesn't really offer a ton of reassurance currently. I'm good with that about 90% of the time. I don't usually want any kind of reassurance, I want someone that will listen and help me work through my thoughts. Sometimes, when I'm particularly struggling, she will remind me that I've dealt with this before and survived. That is usually helpful. Sometimes, she will offer other small reassurances but she never just pats me on the head and says things will be okay.

There are times...that 10%...where I really do just want her to pat me on the head and say everything is going to be fine. But, if she did that, I think I'd just feel patronized and it wouldn't really be helpful.

[itisnt]

I voted, "No". I prefer to check in with family or friends when I need reassurance.

[MobiusPsyche]

She does it just the right amount. I don't have family or friends to turn to at this time. I think it's more validation than reassurance. She doesn't say "you're making progress," She says things like "you wouldn't even have noticed that a few months ago." It's an observation but it reflects progress, and I find that reassuring.

I always think it is kind and helpful when she reassures me. I usually kist reassure myself, but sometimes after a tough day its nice to hear positive things from someone else.

[junkDNA]

My T reassures me a lot. He's says I'll need it less as time goes on. I hope so. Sometimes the reassurances aren't saying everything's gonna be all right. Sometimes he just says it's hard stuff to deal with and he is sorry

[runlola72]

I need reassurance of a more personal type. His reassurance efforts seem canned. I need so much more.

[Myrto]

I don't want my therapist to reassure me at all. When she does it, I dismiss it because it's usually "it will get easier" or "things are bad now but they will improve" how does she know? How could she possibly know this? It's completely unhelpful.