Has anyone been able to actively work through transference with T?

I have never heard anyone describe what it looks like to "work through transference". As far as I can tell, it is an entirely improvised practice. This seems rather at odds with the seriousness of what is potentially involved -- fooling around with childhood trauma, deprivations, neglect, etc. If a therapist cannot explain precisely how this will work, how often it does work, how much experience they have with it… i don't see how it is ethical to attempt it. I actually think it is an elaborate hoax.

In my case, nothing was discussed, no process explained. Blind leading the blind.

I read Kohut's Restoration of the Self several years ago and loved it! Not sure I want any more therapy -- but my guess is that Self psychologists do understand it pretty well. But it's a good point -- why can't, and don't, all therapists explain the process as they understand it upfront?

Maybe it would help and be a little less touchy, OP, if you asked him to explain how he understands transference and working through it? Partly so you'll understand more yourself but also to see if you feel comfortable with the way he explains things.

....And I've thought before that I'm all over it, only to have it come roaring back. Which he's said is totally normal. It's not 100% dealt with, but definitely a good percentage.

I have never heard anyone describe what it looks like to "work through transference". As far as I can tell, it is an entirely improvised practice. This seems rather at odds with the seriousness of what is potentially involved -- fooling around with childhood trauma, deprivations, neglect, etc. If a therapist cannot explain precisely how this will work, how often it does work, how much experience they have with it… i don't see how it is ethical to attempt it. I actually think it is an elaborate hoax.

In my case, nothing was discussed, no process explained. Blind leading the blind.

My long term t is a self psychology guy. Kohut high five!

I am not actually sure what "working through" means exactly... I guess letting the experience unfold, discussing it in a useful way, deriving meaning and potentially fresh perspective from it?

I had some intense transference reactions with both of my therapists, different kinds. I typically told them about these quite soon after realizing what was going on and we talked about it some, a few of these discussions were right on the money but with my first T, he has a tendency to distort my thoughts and feelings and infuse them with his own stuff, and from all I know, he does this with many patients. He apparently "worked through" the things where all that comes from, which might be true in terms of his understanding it, but he acts out often and tries to force patients into the same mold apparently believing that most psychological problems stem from the same, universal, source. I do think that his idea is true for many people and those will find the approach helpful, but not everyone. I did have an intense negative (somewhat maternal, I think) transference reaction to his misunderstanding and misinterpreting me, which I found meaningful, but he did not help me process it, in part because I left driven by the negative experience. But then discussed it with my current T and we continue to do so when there is a context.

With my current T, my transference reactions are more subtle than what would be clearly parental or erotic... there are always strong specific elements and the whole thing is generally very positive. For example, my liking of what I perceive as consistency on his side. I sometimes have fantasies about him being a close friend or a brother. Sometimes erotic thoughts, although I am not sure this is transference per se other than he is just the type of man I usually find attractive. What tends to dominate though is my appreciation of his professionalism. I do not idealize him at all, just tend to focus on the positive qualities. I did mention to him all these reactions and will continue to do so as bringing it up and then discussing is always quite enlightening. But it's not like he provides some brilliant insights I never thought of... I typically come of with the interpretations myself and then we discuss it, that's our way of "working through" I guess.

I definitely recommend bringing up the feelings. Even if they are negative or the T does not really understand them correctly, I think the process of discussing it often generates new forms of self comprehension and perhaps a more realistic perspective. IMO, it's worth the initial discomfort.

Well...it's possible to acknowledge the transference, explore it in therapy, grieve the lack in your life that spawned the transference , and learn to accept the T relationship as its own unique and special thing.

Its hard though.

And the *T* needs to be up to the task. They need to have dealt with their own stuff, developed an ability to absorb anger etc without being offended, know how to be kind and tender while helping you learn that they can't be a parent but they can be a very important figure in your life.

Unfortunately from what I see here on PC, a lot of Ts haven't done the work on their own lives that is required to help someone resolve tranaference

lemme get back to u in another 6 or so years

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