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Old Sep 19, 2016, 09:51 AM
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Just wondering , how long did it take to form a connection with your T, bring some walls down and begin to trust them ?

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  #2  
Old Sep 19, 2016, 09:51 AM
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3 years.... lol...
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  #3  
Old Sep 19, 2016, 09:52 AM
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It seems like your connection is really good junkdna!
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  #4  
Old Sep 19, 2016, 09:56 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by junkDNA View Post
3 years.... lol...
To really trust my individual T, to share certain things I've never shared with anyone, probably close to 3 years for me, too!

For my marriage counselor, maybe a year to a year and a half? He discloses a lot more about himself, including some issues he's had with anxiety, so it made me trust him more quickly. (T doesn't share much.) What also helped was discussing my transference with him and having him accept it and help me work through it helped--though led to a bit of a rupture at one point. But then we worked through that, which led ultimately me to trust him more.
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  #5  
Old Sep 19, 2016, 09:59 AM
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I do not have anything that I would consider to be a connection with the therapist. The therapist is a stranger I rent (expensive) space from for them to sit there. I have been doing it for about 6 years with several multi-week breaks.
I don't understand what a connection with a therapist would do for the reasons I go. If that was ever explained satisfactorily to me, then I might get the point and try to get one.
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Last edited by stopdog; Sep 19, 2016 at 10:11 AM.
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Old Sep 19, 2016, 10:01 AM
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I don't want to completely hijack the thread, but I was in this forum to ask a related question. For those of you for whom it took many years to form a connection with your therapist, were the first few years any help? Someone told me if I don't have a connection with my therapist I won't get any benefit from therapy.

I have never developed any sort of connection with my therapists. In fact, I think if I did, I would probably stop going. I am creeped out by the idea.
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Old Sep 19, 2016, 10:07 AM
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6-ish months, maybe? It's sort of hard to pinpoint because I felt the 'connection' built slowly and gradually over time. I do think therapy can be helpful even if you don't have some mystically deep rapport with the therapist.
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  #8  
Old Sep 19, 2016, 10:10 AM
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I shared some things after six months out of sheer desperation, not because I particularly felt a strong connection. After about a year I felt a strong connection.

Therapy was helpful to me before I felt the connection. It takes a while to see the changes in your life and the way you look at situations, other people, and your own thoughts and feelings.
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  #9  
Old Sep 19, 2016, 10:36 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gs550 View Post
I don't want to completely hijack the thread, but I was in this forum to ask a related question. For those of you for whom it took many years to form a connection with your therapist, were the first few years any help? Someone told me if I don't have a connection with my therapist I won't get any benefit from therapy.

I have never developed any sort of connection with my therapists. In fact, I think if I did, I would probably stop going. I am creeped out by the idea.
It definitely helped before hitting that deeper level of connection. It's not like I wasn't connected to T at all in the first few years--but just comparing the level of connection in the past year and a half, it's considerably different. Though to be honest, I wonder if some of my lack of connection in the beginning may have been a bit of negative maternal transference (she's my mom's age and has some personality traits that remind me of my mom). But I feel like I needed that stronger connection to share certain, more painful/deeper-seated/hidden things, if that makes sense.

The marriage counseling is harder to say, since some of that was also my H not being open about stuff. Well, and me not being fully open about stuff. So that's a more complex therapy situation. But feeling more connected to him helped me open up more and maybe the same with H? (Not sure where he falls on the whole connection with T thing.)
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  #10  
Old Sep 19, 2016, 10:43 AM
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I would find it REALLY hard to connect with someone who I saw w maternal transference or in any way like my mom... It seems you do have a really good connection and respect for your marraige T . from your postings Lonesome
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  #11  
Old Sep 19, 2016, 10:47 AM
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I find it useful enough in the ways I use it, to continue paying for it even though there is no connection.
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  #12  
Old Sep 19, 2016, 11:13 AM
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I was able to connect pretty quickly with my therapists.
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  #13  
Old Sep 19, 2016, 11:19 AM
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Immediately. But it's deepened in different ways over the years.
T has said, given my history, she's always amazed that I could do that.
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  #14  
Old Sep 19, 2016, 11:52 AM
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With the last one it took at least 8 months but some of it was gradual. I'm pretty wary of everyone at first
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Old Sep 19, 2016, 12:03 PM
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Originally Posted by growlycat View Post
With the last one it took at least 8 months but some of it was gradual. I'm pretty wary of everyone at first
I am with everyone else. I think I could smell T was trustworthy.
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  #16  
Old Sep 19, 2016, 12:34 PM
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I had an instant connection with my T (and ex-T) after looking at their picture and website. I knew she was the one I wanted to work with. It didn't take me long to open up about things, but I was desperate for help.
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  #17  
Old Sep 19, 2016, 12:36 PM
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I felt a slight "click" with my therapist the first time I met her. To really trust her, share my most closely guarded secrets - probably 2 years, maybe closer to 3.

I think I have a really good connection with her now.
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  #18  
Old Sep 19, 2016, 11:16 PM
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I felt a sense of connection to my current T almost immediately. We just clicked, and our connection just keeps growing deeper and deeper. That's why I could be so open with her and could trust her more than my other Ts.
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  #19  
Old Sep 20, 2016, 04:47 PM
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Ten months in and I still don't have one. Never had one for any others, either. I don't completely trust her (yet), and I've been pretty bad at being vulnerable in any relationship. She's helped a ton, though, and is by far the best I've ever had or even heard about from friends and family. I also think my frustration with ET contributes to me not feeling a real connection.
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  #20  
Old Sep 20, 2016, 05:50 PM
Anonymous47147
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this t, about two hours into our first meeting. i thought she really knew what she was doing.
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  #21  
Old Sep 20, 2016, 05:51 PM
Anonymous47147
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first t- never trusted her at all.
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  #22  
Old Sep 20, 2016, 07:29 PM
awkwardlyyours awkwardlyyours is offline
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Yeah, my experience is similar to Starry's.

Former T -- 15 months of weekly sessions and I just couldn't trust her or form a real connection.

Current T -- yeah, first session and the connection was such that I landed in emotional places that I didn't think even existed within me. It was intense enough to really scare the crap out of me. A few sessions in and I'm trying to tone down the intensity in terms of my own emotional state but it takes conscious effort to do that because my default would be to just slip back there.

The weird thing is that current T actually feels much more boundaried and therapist-y than former T ever did. I never forget that current T is a T i.e., that I don't have to care about her feelings and she can take care of herself and still hold the space for me. I never had that sense with former T -- mostly felt like I had to be careful that I don't tread on her emotions.

And, in terms of connection type stuff, current T doesn't do any of the social chit-chat or the sort of irritating overly-trying-to-bond kinda stuff that other Ts I saw did (E.g. asking me detailed questions about my work, motherland and so on although I didn't bring it up). So, I think it's mostly that she seems to be really skilled in doing whatever Ts do to foster a connection with a client. Also, she and I actually have very little in common (demographically speaking and I'm pretty sure in terms of interests etc) -- so, she's working with very little and still seems really solid in terms of her ability to develop a connection.
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  #23  
Old Sep 21, 2016, 03:23 PM
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With my old T our connection was instant. With my current online T, it has taken 4 months for some connection to be there. I think time will allow it to continue to grow.
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  #24  
Old Sep 21, 2016, 03:27 PM
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My therapy was a 12 week goal oriented structured therapy (CBT). Before the program began we had an assessment as to whether she wanted to take me on as a client. It was much like a 'meet and greet'. On day one of week one, that connection was already there. I'm sure she would not have taken me on had she felt a connection wasn't there.
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  #25  
Old Sep 21, 2016, 03:43 PM
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With my first therapist what I thought was a connection waxed and waned from beginning and was totally lost by the end. With current T, instantly in the first session and it's been quite intense and stable.
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