therapist just terminated with me

MariaLucy · Sep 20, 2016 at 03:19 PM

After working with him for six years, with a contract that he is ending June 31st 2017 when he takes early retirement, I get a phone call today from his line manager telling me that he will no longer be able to work with me. she has fixed up an assessment 50 miles from my home for Oct 6th. I have not had therapy in three weeks. I am a wreck. This whole thing is a train wreck. I cannot believe this has happened to me. I cannot believe I am just left like this. this therapist of all the people on this planet knew my attachment problems, my abandonment issues, my issues around therapists just terminating with me, and now he has done it, knowing the critical crash it will send me into.
I cannot believe this is happening to me

I last saw him three weeks ago today and I left in tears, shaking and he reassured me saying that he would see me in two days. One week ago he apologised for taking so long to have compassionate leave because his 94 yr old dad died and said he was sorry it was taking so long and that he would contact me when he is coming back to work and said he would see me soon.

and then today I get this phone call.

I am a wreck. I am truly a wreck. They put in no back up. I am just told about this assessment in more than two weeks time. That is it. I cannot believe this.

ruh roh · Sep 20, 2016 at 03:24 PM

Am I understanding correctly, that he will continue to work through June of next year, but will no longer see you?

I don't know what to say, except that I'm so sorry. No one deserves that.

runlola72 · Sep 20, 2016 at 03:26 PM

Omg that is awful. Could he be ill himself? ((Hugs)) Unless there are extreme extenuating circumstances your T is an *****. Try to breathe. Vent here as much as you can if it helps. I just cannot believes these T's that ditch clients knowing their attachment issues. That's akin to medical malpractice if you ask me!!!

MariaLucy · Sep 20, 2016 at 03:26 PM

ruh roh
I am not sure. I am getting the impression he is not working at all - but no one is really telling me much except that he is no longer able to work with me.

MariaLucy · Sep 20, 2016 at 03:27 PM

Yeh, I am wondering if he is having a breakdown. I wish I knew

Out There · Sep 20, 2016 at 03:30 PM

It does sound like something has happened to him , but that doesn't help how you feel. Do keep posting this must be very painful.

MariaLucy · Sep 20, 2016 at 03:39 PM

It is like sliding on black ice and every where I spin, I am facing a cliff edge or a solid wall. I can't keep myself from sliding around and spinning. when I heard, I went frozen cold all over like my blood turned to ice. Then I hit disbelief, then I hit anger. Then eventually when some of the shock burst, I cried. Then I went numb again and then I hurt like crazy. I can't stop trying to think myself through it, like 'work it out' but there is nothing to work out. I can't believe that one hours drive from me, my therapist, sorry EX therapist, is sitting at home knowing he has done this to me and knowing I will be like in a train wreck right now and he is ABLE to do this?!?!? To ME?!?!?! I thought he cared about me, I thought he loved me. I did. I really did. I thought I mattered to him deeply.

Invisibl3 · Sep 20, 2016 at 03:52 PM

I am so sorry. i really dont understand how you can do something like this with long term clients.
A direct phone call from him , would have been helpful.

I can only guess that he is really sick himself, or is going through a rough patch.

I hope you are able to get the answers soon.

ScarletPimpernel · Sep 20, 2016 at 04:43 PM

I'm sorry you're going through this. My ex-T abandoned me 18 months ago. It's really difficult. Over time it does get better. Can you find another T to help you get through this?

Pain94 · Sep 20, 2016 at 04:53 PM

Im so sorry..

Yours_Truly · Sep 20, 2016 at 05:00 PM

.....

mostlylurking · Sep 20, 2016 at 05:27 PM

This sounds unbelievably painful Maria, I am so sorry.

Is there any possibility of contacting him personally, through an email address or similar? Just to briefly ask what happened? I would want to know, I would need to understand it to be able to move on, but everyone is different.

This is one place where almost everyone can understand how devastating this kind of loss is, so please do keep posting.

Myrto · Sep 20, 2016 at 05:54 PM

This is awful, I'm so sorry. Why on earth is nobody telling you why your therapist can no longer work? You deserve an explanation. That's the least he can do. I would go mad. Hugs.

growlycat · Sep 20, 2016 at 05:56 PM

I am hoping that this is a mistake that maybe the manager doesn't know what your t had in mind. Maybe the manager is bungling all of this?

Salmon77 · Sep 20, 2016 at 06:08 PM

I'm so sorry you're going through this, it sounds very painful. I do wonder if there is something going on with the T that they're not telling you, like a health problem of some kind. It just seems incredibly strange that he'd end long-term therapy so suddenly, without even telling you himself.

I agree with whoever said to try emailing him just to ask for an explanation because it seems to me there must be one.

LonesomeTonight · Sep 20, 2016 at 06:32 PM

So sorry. Is he not even giving you a final session? That just seems very unethical. Could you try calling or e-mailing him, just for a last conversation to wrap things up?

Sep 20, 2016 at 06:35 PM

I agree about contacting him personally, especially since you worked together for six years. I am sure it wasn't his intention for this to be handled so insensitively given your fear of abandonment and your attachment issues. I am sorry you have been treated this way with no explanation or not even an opportunity to do a closing session. You deserve better then this Maria

I would be really angry and upset if this happened to me.

SoConfused623 · Sep 20, 2016 at 07:48 PM

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I'm sorry that you're going thru this and I know it must be incredibly painful! This is my hypothesis....He was planning on taking early retirement next year but then all of a sudden his Father passes making your T even more aware of his own mortality. He might be freaking out, he may have been really close to his Father, and possibly feels that since you only live once that maybe he should just retire now. I really don't think that it's intentional, I just think that he's going through some personal stuff himself.

Hope you can at least talk to him and then find a new T equally as good as he was and in short order! (((MARIALUCY)))

Sep 20, 2016 at 10:30 PM

This is all really unfortunate and terribly unfair. But remember he is human too and that his own life could have taken a serious turn requiring this immediate change

MariaLucy · Sep 21, 2016 at 03:18 AM

I got about one hour of sleep in little ten minute slots. I will see my doctor to get some pills to make me sleep tonight. I sent my T, my EX-T, a text asking WHY?
this was and is the worst possible outcome for our therapy together. We often talked about how he would ensure this would not happen to me. What on EARTH is going on for him?

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therapist just terminated with me

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ruh roh Run of the Mill Snowflake Member Since May 2015 Location: here and there Posts: 4,468 9 5,077 hugs given	Sep 20, 2016 at 03:24 PM #2 Am I understanding correctly, that he will continue to work through June of next year, but will no longer see you? I don't know what to say, except that I'm so sorry. No one deserves that.

runlola72 Member Member Since May 2016 Location: northeast Posts: 490 8 201 hugs given	Sep 20, 2016 at 03:26 PM #3 Omg that is awful. Could he be ill himself? ((Hugs)) Unless there are extreme extenuating circumstances your T is an *****. Try to breathe. Vent here as much as you can if it helps. I just cannot believes these T's that ditch clients knowing their attachment issues. That's akin to medical malpractice if you ask me!!!

MariaLucy Member Member Since Jul 2016 Location: Europe Posts: 169 7 39 hugs given	Sep 20, 2016 at 03:26 PM #4 ruh roh I am not sure. I am getting the impression he is not working at all - but no one is really telling me much except that he is no longer able to work with me.

MariaLucy Member Member Since Jul 2016 Location: Europe Posts: 169 7 39 hugs given	Sep 20, 2016 at 03:27 PM #5 Yeh, I am wondering if he is having a breakdown. I wish I knew

Out There Legendary Member Since Oct 2015 Location: England Posts: 11,355 (SuperPoster!) 8 14.6k hugs given	Sep 20, 2016 at 03:30 PM #6 It does sound like something has happened to him , but that doesn't help how you feel. Do keep posting this must be very painful. __________________ "Trauma happens - so does healing "

Invisibl3 Junior Member Member Since Dec 2015 Location: nowhere Posts: 10 8 1 hugs given	Sep 20, 2016 at 03:52 PM #8 I am so sorry. i really dont understand how you can do something like this with long term clients. A direct phone call from him , would have been helpful. I can only guess that he is really sick himself, or is going through a rough patch. I hope you are able to get the answers soon.

ScarletPimpernel Wise Elder Member Since Nov 2013 Location: US Posts: 8,428 (SuperPoster!) 10 6,453 hugs given	Sep 20, 2016 at 04:43 PM #9 I'm sorry you're going through this. My ex-T abandoned me 18 months ago. It's really difficult. Over time it does get better. Can you find another T to help you get through this? __________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica

Pain94 Member Member Since Jul 2016 Location: Nebraska Posts: 142 7 36 hugs given	Sep 20, 2016 at 04:53 PM #10 Im so sorry..

Yours_Truly Poohbah Member Since Apr 2016 Location: neither here nor there Posts: 1,269 8 5,268 hugs given	Sep 20, 2016 at 05:00 PM #11 .....

Myrto Poohbah Member Since Jun 2014 Location: Belgium Posts: 1,179 9 471 hugs given	Sep 20, 2016 at 05:54 PM #13 This is awful, I'm so sorry. Why on earth is nobody telling you why your therapist can no longer work? You deserve an explanation. That's the least he can do. I would go mad. Hugs.

growlycat Therapy Ninja Member Since Jan 2007 Location: How did I get here? Posts: 10,308 17 16.1k hugs given	Sep 20, 2016 at 05:56 PM #14 I am hoping that this is a mistake that maybe the manager doesn't know what your t had in mind. Maybe the manager is bungling all of this?

LonesomeTonight Always in This Twilight Member Since Feb 2015 Location: US Posts: 20,880 (SuperPoster!) 9 75.1k hugs given	Sep 20, 2016 at 06:32 PM #16 So sorry. Is he not even giving you a final session? That just seems very unethical. Could you try calling or e-mailing him, just for a last conversation to wrap things up?

justafriend306 Guest Posts: n/a	Sep 20, 2016 at 10:30 PM #19 This is all really unfortunate and terribly unfair. But remember he is human too and that his own life could have taken a serious turn requiring this immediate change

MariaLucy Member Member Since Jul 2016 Location: Europe Posts: 169 7 39 hugs given	Sep 21, 2016 at 03:18 AM #20 I got about one hour of sleep in little ten minute slots. I will see my doctor to get some pills to make me sleep tonight. I sent my T, my EX-T, a text asking WHY? this was and is the worst possible outcome for our therapy together. We often talked about how he would ensure this would not happen to me. What on EARTH is going on for him?