I feel that right now I am not able to tolerate my ts challenges. Tonight was extremely difficult. I began my session by explaining how I was feeling about the Counselling profession and she immediately challenged me by asking what is my part and how am I victimising myself. I was trying to explain that my part is irrelevant and that it is how it is. She then began to further say we'll do you think it is wise practising when you are feeling so negative towards the profession and I said it's not the client work I am angry at its the injustices of the system and the way it is being run by power tripping idiots. She said now hold on right there you are being very negative. I just felt blamed and hurt because I have a very good reason to feel like this at the moment but she didn't want to hear it. She never wants to hear it and prefers to blame me. I say in silence for about twenty minutes. T then said I can't support you if you don't communicate. I said that's fine I didn't want to talk anymore. She asked if I would like to go and I said yes. I was getting up and she began again. See how you block others out, I feel as though you are punishing me right now. I said that's your stuff, you know that's not what I am doing. I feel ashamed and blamed and you are judging me. We don't understand each other. I feel as though me and t are from different planets sometimes. She said so why not just say that, say to me I just needed to rant tonight and for you to listen. I said there is no point because you will blame me. We finished our session in silence.
It was doomed from the start, t was still having her dinner when I went in, I had to wait for her. I could hear voices so she had people over and I felt like I didn't matter. She still ended session early. I am really hurting right now

[junkDNA]

im sorry mona. i dont like ur T

I don't like her much either tonight feel free to criticise. I am going to ring around tomorrow and look for a new t!

[Demunie]

So Sorry mona... Your t sounds very... Challenging? I don't know. From what you describe, i don't like her. She sounds kind of abusive to me. Anyway.
You once mentioned that challenging you is her approach. You say you don't klick with her. Shouldn't we always have a t we "click" with, no matter the approach? May i ask why you don't change T? This sounds sooo hurtful.

[precaryous]

I don't like her, either. (((Mona)))
If she isn't even willing to look at her part in it, the blaming/shaming/judging...I don't think I could stay with her. That's not how T's are supportive in my experience.

[Out There]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

I don't like her much either tonight feel free to criticise. I am going to ring around tomorrow and look for a new t!

Mona , that's truly the best thing you can do. Might a psychodynamic T humanistic be better? I don't think you need to be challenged and blamed right now , you need to be seen , heard , understood and supported. I don't think your T is fit to practice and needs her own therapy. I know you've had ups and downs and better times but clearly therapy shouldn't be hurting you. Time to leave.

[Argonautomobile]

God, I loathe your T. I don't know how you put up with it.

I really don't think I can ever go back there, it hurts too much right now! T thinks I am hurting myself, I probably am but she hurts me too. My t is supposed to be humanistic Outthere but that hasn't really been my experience of her.

[Out There]

I've just read what you wrote on the Faux pas thread - your T is crazy. I know we can have some humour sometimes but this is really quite disturbing.

Originally Posted by Out There

I've just read what you wrote on the Faux pas thread - your T is crazy. I know we can have some humour sometimes but this is really quite disturbing.

I sometimes wonder if she is crazy too or just incredibly disconnected from reality. I wonder is she really an alien from another planet.
Sometimes I do think she is very funny and we get on well but tonight was like something in a horror film. I am pondering texting her or writing a letter and leaving it in her post box tomorrow telling her she is no different to my mother. She blames me for everything, is judgemental and negative towards me. She is worse than my mother because my mother knows she is being mean t actually thinks she is helping me.

[Waterbear]

I am sorry you are hurting Mona but I hope you can put that hurt to good use and find someone who will actually help you and support you.

[MobiusPsyche]

Mona, are you hoping that someday your T will change how she approaches things? Or admit that her approach isn't a good match for you? Or that you'll suddenly gain insight from her challenging? I'm trying to figure out why you stay with her if you don't find her approach helpful and in fact find it hurtful.

Her recent disclosure and boundary crossing seem to open up the possibility of transitioning the relationship to be something different...no longer a therapist-client relationship. Do you want that? To find a different person to do therapy with but maintain some sort of relationship with your T? (I'm biased because that sounds like having your cake and eating it too, to me....)

I'm probably being "challenging" here but I think you really want us to tell you how inappropriate she is... People on the boards have done that before, repeatedly, and you still do therapy with her. There must be some reason or reasons for that.

Is she being inappropriate from a Gestalt perspective? I don't know, I'm not trained in that method. Perhaps that model of therapy isn't a good fit for you, which means this T (as a T) isn't a good fit for you.

I hope you find some peace and support though.

[mostlylurking]

She kind of strikes me as a one trick pony: Whatever the client says, challenge it. Yet, when she's challenged she's defensive.

I think your T may be in a bad place herself, and might react quite negatively to your leaving, but I sooooo hope you do. You deserve to see a kind and reasonable T. Plus, isn't it useful for you professionally to see another T just for another perspective / experience?

[kecanoe]

I am glad for you that you are going to make some calls to find a new t. The one you see now sounds like the "oldsters" in Alcoholics Anonymous who seem to feel like beating some one up (emotionally) is good for them. Some people in that program will say things like "my sponsor really kicked my ***" as though that were a good thing. I hope you find someone who will be kind to you.

I'm so sorry that your T is so hurtful. I don't think you're victimising yourself when you criticised systemic issues in the counselling profession.

[missbella]

Mona, the moment you mentioned Gestalt way back I thought uh-oh. More than one poster in various "skeptics" discussions have been escapees from its cruelty. Its founder was a very controversial figure. My bully ex-therapist mentioned it as one of his specialties, and I wonder now if he was in its theoretical throes when he was so antagonistic to me. I don't believe we leave human responses at the door just because it's therapy. A bully is a bully.

Well thank you all for your support and help! I sent t a big long text telling her we were Misattuned and I needed kindness not confrontation and you know what t sent back. I nearly fell off my chair as I read it. She said that she was so excited that I met her at the contact boundary and challenged her and she will see me next week! I wonder did she even read the text because I said I was never going back there again.

[junkDNA]

plz get away from this woman. i know its hard but i think its necessary

[Pennster]

Yes, could you find someone else to make an appointment with for next week? This relationship doesn't seem to suit you at all.

[Waterbear]

It seems as if this is just another case of her not hearing you Mona, or even not listening to you. Hugs to you.

[precaryous]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

Well thank you all for your support and help! I sent t a big long text telling her we were Misattuned and I needed kindness not confrontation and you know what t sent back. I nearly fell off my chair as I read it. She said that she was so excited that I met her at the contact boundary and challenged her and she will see me next week! I wonder did she even read the text because I said I was never going back there again.

So, she has been trying to pick a fight with you? She wants you to fight back? With her? Is this a gestalt thing?

Then there was your T breaking down, confiding in you.

I wonder if she enjoys her contacts with you...that "therapy" is more about her needs and not about you. I wonder if she is lonely, or has her own attachment to you.

I wonder if you stood your ground and never went back whether she would be glad you 'met her at the contact boundary' vs. become unhappy about losing her relationship with you and criticize you for 'running away.'

You deserve a better, more stable T, Mona. Hope you find one.

[runlola72]

I think your T could have done a better job communicating her overall message. She was pretty confrontational.

[MobiusPsyche]

I suspect she likes doing Gestalt and nobody else will let her.

[Out There]

Just a couple of observations that strike me - do I remember you speaking to your tutors about this T and them wanting to know who she was and reporting her ? And then one of your colleagues goes to see her and leaves halfway through the session ? There's lots of red flag waving going on here from a lot of people , including us here. I hope you will make next weeks appointment with another T.

Originally Posted by precaryous

So, she has been trying to pick a fight with you? She wants you to fight back? With her? Is this a gestalt thing?


Then there was your T breaking down, confiding in you.


I wonder if she enjoys her contacts with you...that "therapy" is more about her needs and not about you. I wonder if she is lonely, or has her own attachment to you.


I wonder if you stood your ground and never went back whether she would be glad you 'met her at the contact boundary' vs. become unhappy about losing her relationship with you and criticize you for 'running away.'


You deserve a better, more stable T, Mona. Hope you find one.

Thank you for your insights precarious! I have often thought that my t was more attached to me. She wants me to find my voice and speak my truth and I did that with her via text! I intent to never go back and I know she will it contact me again. Same thing happened with my friend, she never went back to t and t never contacted her again. I don't get t sometimes she likes me she hates me, it's a weird connection between us.