[growlycat]

As I am winding down phone sessions with t, known as Sparky here on PC, I decided to take the leap and talk about some things I never had the guts to do before.

I asked him if he knew my screen name on psychcentral. Question was spurred by something he said to me once that made me paranoid. Turns out that he did not know I was even referring to psychcentral let alone my screen name.

Ok now the harder reveal. I told him that I wanted to talk to him about something but I wasn't sure if I'd regret telling him or not telling him. He wanted to know what outcome I was looking for. I said well nothing really. Nothing will change. Nothing should change But maybe to be unburdened of this. To be honest with him. To keep it from happening again. To know what to do if this happens with the next t

Before he spoke I said yes I know what transference is. Yes I don't think he feels the same way about me. Yes I know I don't know him well enough and the care in the relationship is one sided. Then

I fessed up. I told him almost the whole time I had a crush on him. He was quiet at first but I think he said what's wrong with that or why is that so bad or embarrassing thankfully he didn't say anything to hurt my feelings. He just said with the next t to try to work on relationships outside of therapy. The therapist can loom large when that's the closest relationship you have. He kept redirecting me towards thinking about meeting guys and trying online dating. He always gives me high praise for stellar relationship skills but I am not attractive so I don't know what good those skills are. He kept saying that I'm ready for relationships that I have the skills in place. Thinking about dating again makes me feel so despairing. It's just s parade of rejection.

I also said that since he is leaving the conmunication door open I felt I had to be honest with him. Maybe he would decide to shut that door. His choice of course. But he didn't. I can still contact him within reason. He said that I showed integrity. Not so sure. If I were very attractive and the other party took the bait I'm not sure where I would be.

I even told him about his colleague who teased me in the clinic ladies room about how hot he is. That made him laugh out loud.

Overall he said he was flattered a couple of times and a thank you for telling me comment. I thanked him In the end for not hurting my feelings

He suggested two remaining appointments not just one. Only because it isn't clear if Kashi will work out.

I'm so glad I did not get the speech "nothing will ever come of this/I don't feel that way about you". That would have hurt too much.

It would have been nice to hear an I care about you just not in a romantic way. It's hard when they don't say one way or the other but rejection would have hurt too much.

Hope this makes sense. So if you need to talk to your t about any strong feelings you have towards them. Just take the leap. It might be worth it

[junkDNA]

Originally Posted by growlycat

As I am winding down phone sessions with t, known as Sparky here on PC, I decided to take the leap and talk about some things I never had the guts to do before.

I asked him if he knew my screen name on psychcentral. Question was spurred by something he said to me once that made me paranoid. Turns out that he did not know I was even referring to psychcentral let alone my screen name.

Ok now the harder reveal. I told him that I wanted to talk to him about something but I wasn't sure if I'd regret telling him or not telling him. He wanted to know what outcome I was looking for. I said well nothing really. Nothing will change. Nothing should change But maybe to be unburdened of this. To be honest with him. To keep it from happening again. To know what to do if this happens with the next t

Before he spoke I said yes I know what transference is. Yes I don't think he feels the same way about me. Yes I know I don't know him well enough and the care in the relationship is one sided. Then

I fessed up. I told him almost the whole time I had a crush on him. He was quiet at first but I think he said what's wrong with that or why is that so bad or embarrassing thankfully he didn't say anything to hurt my feelings. He just said with the next t to try to work on relationships outside of therapy. The therapist can loom large when that's the closest relationship you have. He kept redirecting me towards thinking about meeting guys and trying online dating. He always gives me high praise for stellar relationship skills but I am not attractive so I don't know what good those skills are. He kept saying that I'm ready for relationships that I have the skills in place. Thinking about dating again makes me feel so despairing. It's just s parade of rejection.

I also said that since he is leaving the conmunication door open I felt I had to be honest with him. Maybe he would decide to shut that door. His choice of course. But he didn't. I can still contact him within reason. He said that I showed integrity. Not so sure. If I were very attractive and the other party took the bait I'm not sure where I would be.

I even told him about his colleague who teased me in the clinic ladies room about how hot he is. That made him laugh out loud.

Overall he said he was flattered a couple of times and a thank you for telling me comment. I thanked him In the end for not hurting my feelings

He suggested two remaining appointments not just one. Only because it isn't clear if Kashi will work out.

I'm so glad I did not get the speech "nothing will ever come of this/I don't feel that way about you". That would have hurt too much.

It would have been nice to hear an I care about you just not in a romantic way. It's hard when they don't say one way or the other but rejection would have hurt too much.

Hope this makes sense. So if you need to talk to your t about any strong feelings you have towards them. Just take the leap. It might be worth it

Did this sort of today with my T. I don't feel et for.my T but I haven't intense parental transference.

I'm so glad you talked to sparky abt this and he responded well. It takes guts to talk abt these rly hard feelings!!!

[growlycat]

I told sparky that usually therapists feel like parents to me and this feeling towards him was a new experience for me. How did your t handle your talk? Did he already know you had these feelings? I forgot to ask him if he already knew or if I was ever obvious about it.

[healed84]

Gc.... Good for you!!! And all in all I think sparky handled it well!

[junkDNA]

Originally Posted by growlycat

I told sparky that usually therapists feel like parents to me and this feeling towards him was a new experience for me. How did your t handle your talk? Did he already know you had these feelings? I forgot to ask him if he already knew or if I was ever obvious about it.

Yes he knew. I think the negative transference is coming out. Thinking he hates me, wants me to get lost, is going to hurt me, etc. He was really good about it all but I still left in tears

Growly, I'm glad you told Sparky and glad he reacted well!

Growly I commend you for being so brave! And it's great he responded how he did. Even though he didn't say out loud that he cares about you, it's obvious from his reaction and his suggestion of an extra winding down session that he really does care about you.
I just wanted to say about the whole 'not attractive' thing, and I hope this doesn't sound like trite, my experience is that when you find someone with whom you connect on a deeper level, looks are not important at all. You are intelligent, funny (and I bet your self image doesn't match that which others see). You are so loveable and it would be a shame to exclude yourself from trying to form relationships based on your own idea of what others want in a partner. I don't know whether dating is right for you or not at the moment, but if fear of rejection is the only thing holding you back (which I can totally understand by the way!) it would just be a shame to deprive yourself of an opportunity for happiness based on what could be a completely false assumption.
I hope Kashi works out for you and that your last couple of sessions with Sparky go well

[growlycat]

Originally Posted by Echos Myron

Growly I commend you for being so brave! And it's great he responded how he did. Even though he didn't say out loud that he cares about you, it's obvious from his reaction and his suggestion of an extra winding down session that he really does care about you.
I just wanted to say about the whole 'not attractive' thing, and I hope this doesn't sound like trite, my experience is that when you find someone with whom you connect on a deeper level, looks are not important at all. You are intelligent, funny (and I bet your self image doesn't match that which others see). You are so loveable and it would be a shame to exclude yourself from trying to form relationships based on your own idea of what others want in a partner. I don't know whether dating is right for you or not at the moment, but if fear of rejection is the only thing holding you back (which I can totally understand by the way!) it would just be a shame to deprive yourself of an opportunity for happiness based on what could be a completely false assumption.
I hope Kashi works out for you and that your last couple of sessions with Sparky go well

Your kind words mean a lot. Dating has always left me feeling unwanted and ugly so I gave up on it for a long time. Maybe trying it out again is coming up. Having an attractive guy be so kind and attentive has been good for me even if not romantic. Beautiful people have always equalled a holes to me. It is good to be proven wrong. Something to keep working on I guess. So thank you.

[growlycat]

Today I had to email Sparky about a scheduling issue so I asked him if he already knew what I told him? Was I really obvious?

His reply
"I was unaware of your feelings you admitted having. (See, I am no mind reader :--) ) "

I think therapist use of emoticons and emojis could be a whole new thread lol

But it struck me that his female colleague picked on on this in me and he the trained therapist did not. Men are hilariously oblivious I guess.