[ScarletPimpernel]

So I'm getting together some gifts to give my T when we terminate. They are all a little part of me. The problem is the cost. I know my T has a price limit, but I'm not sure what it is to be exact. It's probably $25. Well, I'm over the limit. What do I do? Bring it up now? Wait till I give them to her? Lie? (I'm not usually one for lying).

Here's the break down:
A picture frame - $12
Another picture frame - $12
Bird house, piece of wood, fake flowers - $20
A storage book - $10
Everything else, I already had.

And yes the picture frames are important. Without it, the art world get damaged by simply touching it. And the book is important too.

There's also a portfolio of a house I designed for her. I don't know how much that will cost to put together, but she already knew I was designing it for her.

What should I do? I want to give her everything.

[growlycat]

If there is a handmade element to each you should be ok I would think.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Yes. It's all have a handmade element. Two things aren't, but both are rocks that I already had.

[meganmf15]

I think it all sounds lovely

[ilikecats]

I think it's fine to give her that stuff, regardless of the cost. If it's a big issue though, maybe you could try to find similar things at a thrift shop where it might be less expensive.

[Myrto]

I don't think your T is going to refuse your gifts because of a cost boundary on your last session with her. That would be very cruel and from what you're writing on here, she doesn't appear to be cruel. I'd say give her everything as you had planned to. It's such a nice and lovely thing you are doing.

[hopealwayz]

I agree. It's a lovely idea.

[musinglizzy]

I agree. I doubt your T would refuse these items.... but if you are really concerned about it, is there any way you could pick from one of the two picture frames and just give her one? Are you making plans to terminate?

[ScarletPimpernel]

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

I agree. I doubt your T would refuse these items.... but if you are really concerned about it, is there any way you could pick from one of the two picture frames and just give her one? Are you making plans to terminate?

Yes. We plan on terminating long-term therapy in April. In June, I'll have another session with her. From then on, it will be short-term therapy when I need it (a death, fiance and I fighting, or just a check-in). Starting in March, I will try online therapy. We have also agreed to emails, but we haven't agreed on how often (she wants to talk to others first to make sure it's ethical). And we agreed that she will still be a part of my emergency/safety plan. Oh, and when it comes time for SSI renewal, she will take me on as a client again so she can fill out the forms for me. We have already discussed gifts too. She told me she will write me an encouraging letter and give me a rock. I told her it better be the prettiest rock I've ever seen.

[Loco4]

That's awesome that you can give her gifts! My T once said she doesn't accept gifts... I really want to make her a mixtape cd but I'm scared she won't accept it.

Hope it goes well for you!

[ScarletPimpernel]

The gifts I'm giving her:

* A crocheted flower
* A smiley face pin made from beads
* A glass painting (requires a frame)
* A metal embossed picture (requires a frame)
* A survival kit (requires a box to put it all in, so I got the storage book)
* A faerie garden
* Agate slice (already had)
* Quartz rocks (when striked together they spark...already had)
* A portfolio of a house I designed for her
* A recipe for my chocolate cheesecake

[ilikecats]

Originally Posted by Loco4

That's awesome that you can give her gifts! My T once said she doesn't accept gifts... I really want to make her a mixtape cd but I'm scared she won't accept it.

Hope it goes well for you!

I bet if you gave her a mixed tape she would accept it, since it's handmade and doesn't cost money. My T and I make each other playlists and I totally love it.

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

The gifts I'm giving her:

* A crocheted flower
* A smiley face pin made from beads
* A glass painting (requires a frame)
* A metal embossed picture (requires a frame)
* A survival kit (requires a box to put it all in, so I got the storage book)
* A faerie garden
* Agate slice (already had)
* Quartz rocks (when striked together they spark...already had)
* A portfolio of a house I designed for her
* A recipe for my chocolate cheesecake

All of these?

[BayBrony]

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

The gifts I'm giving her:

* A crocheted flower
* A smiley face pin made from beads
* A glass painting (requires a frame)
* A metal embossed picture (requires a frame)
* A survival kit (requires a box to put it all in, so I got the storage book)
* A faerie garden
* Agate slice (already had)
* Quartz rocks (when striked together they spark...already had)
* A portfolio of a house I designed for her
* A recipe for my chocolate cheesecake

That's a lot. I think any individual thing might lose meaning with so much. Can you.pick the 2 or 3 mist meaningful ones?

[TishaBuv]

TBH, I think it's too many things and you should protect the artwork against cardboard and a plastic sleeve rather than give them framed. You might be disappointed one day to not see your gifts on display and are setting yourself up. The sentiment is very lovely though. She obviously means a lot to you.

[unaluna]

For a while there i was bringing my t a little gift almost every week. I even told him i felt like a cat presenting him my trophies. It was just something i had to work thru.

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

The gifts I'm giving her:

* A crocheted flower
* A smiley face pin made from beads
* A glass painting (requires a frame)
* A metal embossed picture (requires a frame)
* A survival kit (requires a box to put it all in, so I got the storage book)
* A faerie garden
* Agate slice (already had)
* Quartz rocks (when striked together they spark...already had)
* A portfolio of a house I designed for her
* A recipe for my chocolate cheesecake

Does seem like a lot, but I also see some of this are very little items with symbolic meaning, right? How about a basket with the small, symbolic items with a card that explains the purpose/meaning of each as a gift to her. And then maybe one of the pieces of art? Two pieces of art plus a survival kit plus a faerie garden plus a portfolio plus all the small items does seem a lot.

[Waterbear]

Originally Posted by unaluna

For a while there i was bringing my t a little gift almost every week. I even told him i felt like a cat presenting him my trophies. It was just something i had to work thru.

I do exactly the same. Not every week but often. I likened it to a cat bringing trophies too. Giving a part of me. Wanting her to accept. I think it does sound like a lot all in one go but I don't know the relationship you have with your T and I don't want you to be put off doing something you have your heart set on but maybe, just maybe, it may be a bit overwhelming for her. I agree witge the comments before though that because they are mainly handmade the coat issue possibly won't be a problem.

Only real way to know the response you will get is to ask your T.

[ScarletPimpernel]

None of these will be displayed in her office though. She shares her office with another T, and it's all the other T's stuff. All the items are fairly small. I just want her to have little pieces of me. If I could give her one at a time, say one a week till we terminate, I would. And the expectations are that she only accepts the gifts. What she does with them is none of my business.

But seeing the concern, I guess I should talk to her beforehand.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

None of these will be displayed in her office though. She shares her office with another T, and it's all the other T's stuff. All the items are fairly small. I just want her to have little pieces of me. If I could give her one at a time, say one a week till we terminate, I would. And the expectations are that she only accepts the gifts. What she does with them is none of my business.

But seeing the concern, I guess I should talk to her beforehand.

Did you see the ACES and resilience tests somewhere else on PC today? One of the questions was about, did someone play with you when you were a baby or stg like that. Not sure how i know, but i have had my suspicions about this. Ive tried to research it and havent found much, ie neglect in this area. But from my experience, this is about the infant STARTING to interact with another person, trying to MOVE that person. Its a very powerful moment for the child. I can see my family totally disavowing that moment for me, totally rejecting my development.

As for me, i cant deal with my closest cousins' grandchildren. Thats what your ex t having a kid reminded me of. Its like, dont expect congratulations from me.

So, why havent you given your t some of these gifts already? Or at least bring em in and talk about them. One of the first things i brought my t was a bag of steel cut oats. It lowered his cholesterol. I kinda thought it meant we should get married, because what i did had such a tremendous effect on him - what can it mean if someone has such a tremendous effect on someone else? Its very confusing.

[Inner_Firefly]

Scarletpimpernel, I like the idea of giving them all in one basket because then it counts as one thing! I think it's very sweet. Your T would probably be very touched. Frames can be inexpensive.

[junkDNA]

ive given my T a lot of gifts. most of them have been really cheap stupid things, like stuffed animals for his office (we named all of them), playing cards, etc.

i am worried that if you wait to give all of these to your T at the termination session she might turn them down and then it would possibly leave you in a state of distress at the worst time possible. i hope you can discuss these with her beforehand to make sure everything is ok and within her boundaries

Does you T seem open to the idea of a gift? Look around the office and try to determine if what is displayed within it might be gifts from other clients. She would probably be very appreciative but it could also make her feel uncomfortable.

I say you should still proceed though. While sticking with something meaningful, I do suggest however you stick with a single and small item. Personally I like the idea of the frame with your own artwork or a photo symbolic of how you feel.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I took your advice and asked T. I didn't want my gifts to be rejected the day we terminate. She said I can give her all the gifts! I didn't tell her what they were, just how many. She said that so long as I can carry them in one trip up to her office and she can carry them down, I can give her as many gifts as I want. But...she did say 9 should be enough She also said that so long as I don't spend hundreds of dollars, I'm good. Oh yeah, I made a joke that I was going to gift her my puppy. She said no live animals, but plants would be okay.

I told her the forums thought that it was too many gifts. She said not all therapists are evil.

[kecanoe]

Good for you!