[atisketatasket]

I keep rejecting potential No. 4's. I feel like I'm turning into Chandler on "Friends," who wouldn't date any woman who said "supposably" for "supposedly."

So, where's your "supposably"? What's the little thing that would keep you from trying a therapist? (I'm assuming the therapist has already passed standards like no disciplinary actions, modality suits you, etc.)

You've only seen a picture, and listened to a voice mail message.

And please elaborate, I'm sure there are things I've never even thought to be bothered by. Yet! (But I could always use more ideas.)

[stopdog]

Anything that smacks of perkiness or a controlling nature or excessive earth-motheriness.

[awkwardlyyours]

Website content (basically just don't go on and on about mindfulness -- a little bit even is okay) and picture has to be really crazy creepy for me to reject them.

In all honesty then, I was willing to give most anyone a first shot in person -- they just needed to be psychodynamic / psychoanalytic and fit my schedule (just the combination of those two criteria eliminated all but a literal handful in the area).

Either website content or voicemail message, I think. I've never actually seen a T who had a website, but with my current T, his voicemail msg made a very positive impression on me.

I'll try to think if there is anything else that might turn me off...

(BIG HEAD BIG HEAD BIG HEAD!!)

[Argonautomobile]

Egregious misuse of the language or nauseating banalities.

But then, I currently see a T who's guilty of both and I enjoy making fun of him for it.

[atisketatasket]

Oh, I remembered one more - PhDs or MDs who call themselves "Dr" and then first name. It's an unsatisfying combination of formality and rank and informality. It would also make me feel like a child if they actually wanted to be addressed like that, like I couldn't be expected to pronounce their last name. Others may feel differently.

[stopdog]

Yes - that would cross them off my list also. But I would never agree to address one of them as Dr. in the first place.

[Mike_J]

I couldn't have a male therapist

Without meting them, it would come down to credentials and experience on their website. I wouldn't do well with misspellings or personal self-disclosure on their websites. I ruled a supervisor out who misspelled the name of my university in an email. I later found out that she is my therapist's supervisor!

[ilikecats]

I don't think I'd meet someone if they looked too stern in their photo. And if they spoke very fast and sounded rushed on their voicemail, that might be a reason not to see them too.

[AllHeart]

I would have to hear the t's voice as certain things coming from the mouth trigger me into a fit of rage. I would also have to make sure the t would never chew gum or eat food during my session time because that is triggering as well. Misophonia is a bee otch. Other than that, a sense of arrogance from a picture or their website verbage would be a huge turn off.

[Salmon77]

I picked website technical issues. It's so easy to have a decent-looking website these days, I think you'd have to be stupid or out of touch to have a really bad one.

Website content would be a close runner-up, though. I looked at one T whose blurb had several misspellings and abbreviations and felt certain I could not work with such a person.

I like to judge based on an overall impression rather than getting caught up in small things, but will say that any strong or repeated indication of sloppiness could be (and usually is) a turnoff.

[growlycat]

Photo should not look crazy Or angry. Or not smiling. But if smiling is crazy then. No

* no Christian counsellors and no religious counsellors of any sort. No woo of any sort. I'm looking at you naturopathy

[ruh roh]

Any website content about going on a journey, especially if it's an aimless sounding journey. Testimonials about how caring and compassionate they are. Any reference to diagnoses and/or pathology. I also get turned off by pictures of therapists who wear a lot of make up and have a plastered smile.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by growlycat

Photo should not look crazy Or angry. Or not smiling. But if smiling is crazy then. No

* no Christian counsellors and no religious counsellors of any sort. No woo of any sort. I'm looking at you naturopathy

Oh yes-any hint of christianity would cause me to move on

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by ruh roh

Any website content about going on a journey, especially if it's an aimless sounding journey. Testimonials about how caring and compassionate they are. Any reference to diagnoses and/or pathology. I also get turned off by pictures of therapists who wear a lot of make up and have a plastered smile.

So like it's not the destination but the journey that's important?

[PumpkinPieHead]

I feel like I got the lottery with my therapist...she's only my second one.

[MBM17]

I voted for #3 and meant punctuation and spelling errors, and a website that looks half finished. My current (excellent) therapist can't spell or do grammar, but he's great to work with, so it doesn't bother me now. And truly does grammar and spelling matter when it comes to emotional healing? No. Sight unseen, though, like you said, that's the stuff that is an immediate write-off for me.

[rainboots87]

When I was looking at Ts online a few months ago, I started searching by area and would click on the pictures of people who looked warm and professional, had experience treating EDs, and were in my price range. I did look at website content and basic design/ease of navigation.

Having said that, I totally judged people's pictures and bios. There was one older woman who looked sunburnt and possibly having a night out wearing spaghetti straps. Another woman's hair was just an absolute mess- it looks like a professional pic, but it is sooo unflattering and she looks unkempt. Also, I judge all the ladies still rocking their 80s/early 90s hairdos.

[stopdog]

I don't know what an 80s or 90s hairstyle would be. But I have worn the same hairstyle for the last 45 years or so myself. I find it interesting what we all notice and don't notice.

[msxyz]

I just told my daughter I didn't like her choice of therapist because she elaborates about lifestyle choices on her website. Sounds blaming and invalidating right from the get go. So I said website content, though I'd say their picture is part of it. She actually rejected one therapist because she couldn't understand her heavy accent...

I think these are all most likely for me

[ruh roh]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

So like it's not the destination but the journey that's important?

Many in my area seem to put a lot of emphasis on "the journey" of therapy or something kind of vague. I don't know what they mean, but I would like to think they would facilitate something more purposeful than what seems more like wandering and meandering. It's hard to explain, which is why it bugs me. In fact, my own therapist has a business facebook page that I didn't see until recently, and it has bothered me to no end because it's this same message. And yet, she is not vague and meandering in person and neither is therapy with her. I don't really understand why anyone would market therapy in that way. If I had seen that site, I would not have contacted her for a first appointment.

[junkDNA]

i selected photo, but it would also be website content. like growlycat, i would not want anyone who states they use religion in their therapy. but, about the photo- no one creepy looking. most likely i would not choose a female T either

[magicalprince]

Their picture on the listings. I feel like I can tell who's weird or disturbed and who's more or less legit from that.