Therapist was dishonest.

I cant help think of the role playing aspect of therapy, which might entail subtle untruths or omissions, as part of a calculated performance to produce some effect. Maybe to her this lie doesn't count because her therapist persona is separate from her real life. Or maybe she is just dishonest or nuts…

Pretty awkward situation. Confronting a therapist about lying, how is that going to end well?

This does sound really hard. Do you think you might be able to approach it by explaining that your friend thought she saw her doing X? And then see what she says?

Just in case there was some really unusual extenuating circumstances for why it played out this way? It just seems like 5 years is a long time so it might be good to give it one shot if it might be possible to work out?

I'm sorry this happened. I can understand being upset about it. I hope you're able to work things out.

Just a thought--for some reason I have it in my head that the thing your T said she doesn't/can't do, then was spotted doing, could be drinking. Maybe your friend spotted her at a bar and took a picture. You don't have to confirm or deny this, but perhaps consider that she could have been drinking a non-alcoholic beverage.

In any case, hugs to you and good luck.

It wasn't drinking.

And I am going to have a serious sit down with her, letting her know the possibledamage she is inflicting and see if she is capable of resolving this with me and having her to do the things that are required when rebuilding trust. I feel that she will be on a thin line, but to be honest I feel she's brought that on herself.

What was it that she did that you don't like? I understand if you don't want to share that, but it may help us help you more. I'm a bit confused about the situation, and I feel like if I knew what it was I could potentially think of something helpful. Again, I understand if you don't want to say, but if you do, I'm sure no one here would judge or anything like that.

For the sake of keeping my confidentiality, let's say I am in therapy because a friend died skydiving, and I went to therapy to deal with it, and for the time being I don't want o be around anyone who skydives because it triggers me, and she said "I would never sky dive, will never happen", and a few days later someone shows me pictures of her skydiving that day.

That's about as apples to apples as I can make it.

Gosh darnit, let's say it was about smoking or something like that. Just so we have a tangible subject to talk about it so we can see how this might play out. Smoking is something that people can legally choose to do, but is not the best of choices, and some people have fair and rational reasons for not tolerating anyone close to them being a smoker.
And let's say four days ago you emphatically said you would *never* see a T who was a smoker. And then you asked "You don't ever do that, do you?" And your T, who has been smoking the whole time you have seen her, is suddenly caught in a catch-22. You and her have invested five years into this partnership, and she knows you well enough to know that if you have said you would not see someone who was a smoker, then you would stand true to that word.
What does she say? Does she throw those five years of partnership down the drain and 'fess up? Or does she lie - knowing full well that if you found out you wouldn't tolerate that either - and hope to god that you never do?

Either way she is toast. She was damned if she did and damned if she didn't. The only positive outcome would be to lie and hope you never found out.
I bet she chose the option she did in an effort to preserve the relationship. It was the only thing that *might* work out.

If that is why the therapist lied - to me - this would be awful. On so many levels.

I tend to agree with you, though perhaps not in black and white terms. I think it is generally better to be truthful. But I can understand why some people might choose to lie in a situation such as above.

The fact it, the therapist should have talked about how it is no one's responsibility, including the therapist, to try to insulate a person from their own triggers. It is each person's responsibility to figure out how to deal with triggers, and the therapist should have taken that approach rather than taking on some sort of responsibility to avoid doing whatever this particular activity is just in case the client finds out. That should have been the discussion and it didn't happen. Perhaps that will be the discussion that they have now. It was a fail on the therapist's part, but the OP also needs to work through this and figure out how to manage whatever this trigger is whether that is with the therapist, another one, or independently.

Perhaps - but a client does get to choose what they will and will not put up with in a therapist. When I call a new therapist - I ask if they are over 55 years old - if they say yes and I show up and they are in their 30s, 40s or 54- I turn around and leave. I don't see this as being any different

I agree. As I said, she may choose to work on this issue independently and that is every client's prerogative.

Is the biggest issue that she lied to you or because she does the thing that you said you wouldn't be able to work with a therapist who did?

If she had told me she do the thing, I would have moved to a different therapist. Now I really don't have any trust that any other therapist is going to be more honest, and frankly at this point, I don't feel like starting over.