[sailorboy]

I know I don't post a lot but I have read tons of posts here and I need some support.

I've been with my therapist for four years (this week actually). A lot of stuff has happened in my real life but I've always had a really strong connection to T. I think about T often, mostly positive but sometimes negative. We talk about it. T has been great about that.

Less great is the inconsistency. Sometimes it seems T and I are really connected but sometimes I feel like T is afraid of me or thinks I am terrible. I made a passing comment a few weeks ago that I preferred T on the phone to in person and referenced a conversation we had a few weeks prior. I felt in that conversation T was SO reassuring and nice to me which I loved. Except when I mentioned it T told me T was only saying the thing that would get me off the phone quickest because I was so volatile. It took a nice memory of mine and just ruined it.

In the midst of all this T told me they can no longer offer my regular appointment time and told me they couldn't really explain why. My spouse and I see another therapist in the same practice and he said contradictory things letting me to believe that T wasn't being entirely forthcoming with me. I brought this up with T only to face a brick wall. T never gets personal. Fine. But it was really going to affect me to lose my appointment time and I felt they didn't acknowledge that at all.

So a few days ago we had our appointment and it was just bad. I was really considering ending things forever because of it. Then today I get a call from a STRANGER telling me my appointment three weeks from now is cancelled. T always keeps their own books. In four years I've never had this sort of call cancelling me. In fact, T knows I hate to cancel so we usually try to plan around their time off so I don't have to miss a week. So I just said "cancel all my appointments then."

I just don't know how to feel. Part of me says good riddance. Part of me thinks I made a huge mistake. My spouse thinks I'm projecting our issues into the therapy relationship which...maybe..but I don't deserve to be treated this way.

I need some input from others that have been there. How would you react if a stranger called to cancel your appointment during a difficult time in your T relationship?

[ruh roh]

I would be incredibly upset if a stranger called to cancel during a rocky time in the therapy relationship. I'm also stunned that your therapist said they had only said reassuring things to you to get you off the phone in an earlier conversation.

I'm really sorry. This sounds like horrible treatment.

I am shocked as well. I'm so sorry you're being treated this way, I would be incredibly upset if this happened to me, beyond upset. Please take good care of yourself.

[LucyG]

I'm sorry this happened to you.

My take on this is that your therapist doesn't want to work with you any longer for whatever reason. The reason I say this is because you say your brought something up 'only to face a brick wall.' You either offended your therapist or said something that made them feel unsafe or something.

My Pdoc fired me because I cancelled an appointment after she suggested I 'work on my insomnia' like I was deliberately not sleeping so I could complain to her. And this was after seeing her for 13 years.

[sailorboy]

Originally Posted by LucyG

I'm sorry this happened to you.

My take on this is that your therapist doesn't want to work with you any longer for whatever reason. The reason I say this is because you say your brought something up 'only to face a brick wall.' You either offended your therapist or said something that made them feel unsafe or something.

My Pdoc fired me because I cancelled an appointment after she suggested I 'work on my insomnia' like I was deliberately not sleeping so I could complain to her. And this was after seeing her for 13 years.

I think so too. Like things were bad enough with having to work around a new appointment time but that PLUS a stranger cancelling a session? The writing is on the wall. Sad thing is T always said termination would be a process but I guess not.

I'm sorry about your pdoc. WTF?

[LucyG]

Originally Posted by sailorboy

I think so too. Like things were bad enough with having to work around a new appointment time but that PLUS a stranger cancelling a session? The writing is on the wall. Sad thing is T always said termination would be a process but I guess not.

I'm sorry about your pdoc. WTF?

I think part of the reason my Pdoc fired me was because she had gotten in a fight with the patient before me, and I made some comment about her being late.

Breaking away from her turned out to be one of the best things that ever happened to me as I went off the meds due to some nasty side-effects, and started using alternative treatment [amino acids and the mineral supplement lithium orotate] to control my bipolar 2. I basically saw her just to get meds as I knew that if I allowed her to convince me to spill my guts on every little thing, she'd have me wrapped around her little finger as happened to one of my sister. This was years ago when recovered memories of abuse were a big deal so I was very leery of doing much more than getting meds and talking about a few specific issues from time to time.

Today I don't see a Pdoc, take my supplements and am doing far better than I was all the years I saw her. And I save a fortune on her fee....

Good luck.

[Sarmas]

Such inconsistencies creates such a rocky relationship that's based on trust. It raises so many questions. Sorry to hear that.

[HowDoYouFeelMeow?]

I'm so sorry that happened. That's awful behavior on behalf of the T. You sound perfectly rational and self-aware, and all of your different feelings are absolutely justified given the situation. My heart aches with yours. I imagine I would personally feel surprised, rejected, confused, upset, broken-hearted, anxious, self-conscious, full of questions and second-guesses, overwhelmed, and P!SSED ØFF amongst other yet-to-be-discovered emotions. ----Wishing you a speedy recovery from the painful injury...

[CantExplain]

A feeling of disconnection can be very damaging to a relationship. Ts need to take it seriously.