[Teddy:)]

Has anyone had difficulty with the separation that the end of session time brings about when having to leave your T's room?
If so how has your T dealt with this? Did their approach make you feel better or worse?

[dancinglady]

He just kept his limits and boundaries. I felt like crap!!!

[dphoto]

Absolutely! My t is very gentle yet firm about shifting to leaving time. But she appeals to my adult by reminding me that she has scheduled activities or appointments

If however, there is something up that requires extra time she will give me it. I guess knowing that also makes it easier to leave

[Waterbear]

When I first started with my new T she walked me to the door and watched as I walked away, waving as I went. I saw her and nodded ever so slightly in return. A few sessions in she asked me if I minded, and said that it felt new to her as a T to want to stand and wave me off, like she was waving her child off to school and trying to reassure them that she would be waiting for them when they came back.

Slowly I have evolved and now I wave back and smile, but each and every time she stands and waves. I have never felt like she wouldn't be there waiting for me when I come back so I guess it helped. It is such a lovely thing to be secure about, leaving into the world with her 'behind' me, no matter what has gone on in the session. I can't always leave it there but that is another thing.

[ThisWayOut]

Hmm.good question. T reminds me I can call or text her if I need to. Sometimes she takes extra time if it's available to better wrap up what we were talking about. Sometimes she offers additional sessions in the week.

[Gettingitsoon]

ThisWayOut said it perfectly for me also.
I never feel cut off if I need help before next session so not SO hard to leave that room each week.

I was surprised this past week that T TOLD me she thought I should come twice a week for now instead of once....and proceeded to find room in her schedule for a second weekly slot for me. Normally, she would ASK if I wanted a additional session later in the week....So it was weird at first. But later I realized that after 5 yrs, she could see the bad patch I'm in right now more clearly than I could...So a good call on her part once I could process it.

[ThisWayOut]

Originally Posted by Gettingitsoon

ThisWayOut said it perfectly for me also.
I never feel cut off if I need help before next session so not SO hard to leave that room each week.

I was surprised this past week that T TOLD me she thought I should come twice a week for now instead of once....and proceeded to find room in her schedule for a second weekly slot for me. Normally, she would ASK if I wanted a additional session later in the week....So it was weird at first. But later I realized that after 5 yrs, she could see the bad patch I'm in right now more clearly than I could...So a good call on her part once I could process it.

My t did that this week also. I think it was the first time she's ever said "I want to see you again this week" instead of asking if I wanted to.

[therapyishelping777]

Lately since we've been working alot on the whole rejection/defective thing and he's been trying to really put validation in there., he will say like "good job on ......" have a nice week... put one nice comment out there to hang on to ... along with all the other good stuff he gave me.. thoughts, tools, analogies. during the session. but always ends on a positive note , even if I was bawling my eyes out most of the session, I always feel more calm and settled when I walk out.. then he watches me go down the stairs while he waits at the top of them, typically.

[ruh roh]

Mine is pretty good at discouraging any kind of attachment. I cannot imagine her suggesting more sessions. I was the one to ask for a second per week. She is more the type to encourage taking a break or leaving--but only if it's something I bring up. She wants me to feel empowered to leave. I have no idea why, since leaving has not been a challenge for me in life...ever.

[junkDNA]

this used to happen to me. at the treatment facility i met him in, i was pretty much always in his office all the time. im sure it was annoying, lol. it was like i couldnt not be near him. after he resigned and then i left, we've transitioned into a more outpatient setting. it was hard at first. i see him significantly less now. i used to see him every day. we text sometimes outside of session so i guess that helps some. i would always get super depressed when i noticed time was up. never to the point of him telling me i needed to go, though

[mostlylurking]

There is a self-hating "inner critic" that sometimes goes into action the moment I leave, criticizing me viciously for whatever it was I talked about, and that makes me afraid of leaving sometimes. My T also told me that separation anxiety exists in adults and particularly if they have suffered past traumas. It is embarrassing to cry for no other reason than that the session is coming to an end, but that happens to me often. I usually feel a lot more normal and adult once I get into my car.

[therapyishelping777]

Originally Posted by mostlylurking

There is a self-hating "inner critic" that sometimes goes into action the moment I leave, criticizing me viciously for whatever it was I talked about, and that makes me afraid of leaving sometimes. My T also told me that separation anxiety exists in adults and particularly if they have suffered past traumas. It is embarrassing to cry for no other reason than that the session is coming to an end, but that happens to me often. I usually feel a lot more normal and adult once I get into my car.

SOOOO identify with this.. Thank you for sharing this.

[BudFox]

Originally Posted by Teddy:)

Has anyone had difficulty with the separation that the end of session time brings about when having to leave your T's room?
If so how has your T dealt with this? Did their approach make you feel better or worse?

With the last one, I found end of sessions to be very destabilizing in many cases. Leaving the sanctuary-like therapy room to be suddenly alone with all the thoughts and fears and sensations that are stirred up… the contrast is too jarring and bit dangerous, especially when the end of the hour literally forces you to stop cold. For every 1 hour of therapy in the room, there were 10 more hours of therapy in my head, which i experienced as nightmarish at times.

I believe this model is prone to producing repeated mini-traumas.

Originally Posted by mostlylurking

There is a self-hating "inner critic" that sometimes goes into action the moment I leave, criticizing me viciously for whatever it was I talked about, and that makes me afraid of leaving sometimes. My T also told me that separation anxiety exists in adults and particularly if they have suffered past traumas. It is embarrassing to cry for no other reason than that the session is coming to an end, but that happens to me often. I usually feel a lot more normal and adult once I get into my car.

Thank you for sharing this, I feel less alone. Sometimes tears start leaking down my face just because the session is ending, and I'm going back to my life where no one cares.

I tend to turn around at the door to wish her "take care and have a good weekend."

I usually use the walk back to the waiting room (where the clinic payment counter is) to compose myself and switch back to fully adult mode.

[BrazenApogee]

Yes, this is a very big problem with my current T.

It all started the first session. He ended the session with "we're done." And a cold stare. No warning. I have no idea why I've gone back. I like him in all other respects, and he is the first T I have been able to really talk to. But, after a year and a half I still cry all the way home and have trouble holding myself together for the rest of the week.

I think it's one of them 'give time, time' senerios.
It gets better over time.

[Sarmas]

I didnt have an issue with time unless we started late and i didn't get my time in. You could hear the outside door open and close during session. Towards the end of my session when i heard the door I could tell that she was preoccupied and she sort of lost her focus or change her behavior. It was really apparent whenever she started my session late. The end of the session was then rushed. My kids Tbwillnjust say that she's out of time and has someone coming but she rarely starts late.

[junkDNA]

Originally Posted by mostlylurking

There is a self-hating "inner critic" that sometimes goes into action the moment I leave, criticizing me viciously for whatever it was I talked about, and that makes me afraid of leaving sometimes. My T also told me that separation anxiety exists in adults and particularly if they have suffered past traumas. It is embarrassing to cry for no other reason than that the session is coming to an end, but that happens to me often. I usually feel a lot more normal and adult once I get into my car.

My T told me one day he thought it seemed I get separation anxiety between sessions. I cringed when he said that, but only because it was true

[precaryous]

There are times when I feel so troubled that I wish I could stay in the safety of her presence longer...or in the room longer..

I bring up my "longing" feelings. Usually I say something overly dramatic to get her to laugh..."Oh...you can go ahead and bring back the next client...I'll just make myself really small and be over here"...then we are both laughing. She will joke, "Oh, ok."

If I'm feeling very bad, crying and upset...or sick, she will ask if I want her to go down the elevator with me...and watch me get to the car. She is very sweet and funny.

She has told me I can stay in the waiting room as long as I want, if that helps, too...

It doesn't seem like there is ever a really good way to end. It helps when the 'ending' lasts longer. I have separation anxiety too.

Tonight I was crying about not being able to spend more time with him.

I think it can be worse when you're missing certain types of relationships in your life.

[iheartjacques]

I can tell when it's almost the end of the session because he looks at the time and says "well, we can continue this next time". Then he stands up and walks me to reception.
Luckily I've had a few T's over the years so I'm used to knowing when it's nearly time up. There's been a few times when I've had a good cry in the car or the park afterwards though.

[Anthropologize]

We have a small ritual for ending sessions involving a little prayer and lighting some incense together to dispel any negative energies that might have accumulated during the session. (I'm very sensitive to energies and auras.) My therapist thanks me for coming in and sharing myself with him. I thank him for his wisdom and kindness. We hug.

[junkDNA]

Originally Posted by Skies

It doesn't seem like there is ever a really good way to end. It helps when the 'ending' lasts longer. I have separation anxiety too.

Tonight I was crying about not being able to spend more time with him.

I think it can be worse when you're missing certain types of relationships in your life.

i agree with the last part. i am fairly isolated in my life, with not many friends or people who are supportive. my T has told me we need to work on building up these types of relationships outside of therapy. he said it will lessen my intense needs for him.. he always says it will happen eventually... at least hes not kicking me out the door over it

[Princetonstyle]

Lately I've struggled so much with the concept of "returning to real life" after therapy sessions. Sometimes I wonder if the therapy model is a healthy one for those of us who have any kind of separation or attachment anxieties. Particularly when you've suffered parental issues in earlier life and you see your T as having taken on any kind of maternal/paternal persona. One hour really isn't much for the inner-child that longs for a parent, and therapy is typically an expensive and privately-funded service. It's so hard to share your deepest feelings and soul with someone, only to be told your time is "up". I get that it's the nature of the business, and that this works for lots of people, but for others I can see how it might replicate/mirror abandonment of the past.

[BudFox]

Originally Posted by Princetonstyle

Lately I've struggled so much with the concept of "returning to real life" after therapy sessions. Sometimes I wonder if the therapy model is a healthy one for those of us who have any kind of separation or attachment anxieties. Particularly when you've suffered parental issues in earlier life and you see your T as having taken on any kind of maternal/paternal persona. One hour really isn't much for the inner-child that longs for a parent, and therapy is typically an expensive and privately-funded service. It's so hard to share your deepest feelings and soul with someone, only to be told your time is "up". I get that it's the nature of the business, and that this works for lots of people, but for others I can see how it might replicate/mirror abandonment of the past.

I don't wonder about the model anymore. I think it's horrible. I suspect it does NOT work for a lot of people, but there is enormous pressure to believe in it, to be compliant, and to keep grinding.