[growlycat]

Sparky emailed me back about my potential new t situation He said that I should keep an eye on how kashi's medical situation affects me ( memory lapses etc). But the dbt scheduling could be an innocuous mistake. He said that if I always expect perfection it will leave me disappointed. And to be gentle with myself too. I wonder if I treated Sparky with too high expectations and perfectionism? And other people too?

[Gettingitsoon]

My T uses that be gentle with myself line all the time. I guess because I expect (too much?) of myself. Not sure I like it much.

I would have found it difficult not to be mad about the DBT group too. I don't think your expectations were too high with new t. It's not too much for them to remember our name and to remember what treatment we agreed on. If this was a doctor and he messed up our medication would we be as forgiving?

[Pennster]

Well, it totally sounds like your new therapist screwed up a bit. Your expectations don't seem unreasonable to me.

On the dbt thing, might it be possible that pencilling you in was about saving you a space or similar? Just a thought in case thinking that way might make it easier, although I imagine you'd already have gotten that sense if that was what it was.

[t0rtureds0ul]

I think in many situations high expectations and perfectionism are a useful - even necessary tool for achieving a better way of life. Like most things though, its how you use it that counts. Theres a time and a place for these things! Perfectionism at the moment sounds like a destructive element in your life - can you turn it around, take control, and screw perfectionism in to its rightful place - use that tool to improve your quality of life whilst maintaining control over the anxiety provoking elements?

Growly, I don't see you as expecting perfection here. As others have said it is perfectly reasonable to expect a therapist to remember your name and not to put your name down for groups you haven't agreed to.
I also want to say that really, it doesn't really matter whether his forgetfulness is caused by sloppiness or MS, or anything else.
What's important is that you feel you are getting the service you deserve, and are paying for. Managing his medical condition is his responsibility, and you don't have to make allowances for it. So if it isn't working, you are well within your rights to look for someone who can meet your needs.
To be honest I would find Sparky's comment about expecting perfection a little patronising, especially considering you really aren't asking for perfection!
I hope you are able to find a solution that works for you, but remember, take your time, put your needs first, and no decision is irreversible.

I do think Sparky has a point. Take a deep breath and see how things evolve. It may have just been one of those weird anomalous days where several things go awry at the same time. Try not to panic about it yet, but rather, communicate your concerns and see how things transpire.

My husband has a neurological condition that increases/decreases in pain level. It won't kill him and it rarely affects his ability to work. When his pain is severe, it does occasionally affect his focus and memory some (severe pain can do that), so perhaps that was what was going on. Why not ask him about his illness? Not details, but simply frame it as an inquiry about whether his medical condition affects his attendance to work, memory, focus, etc.

[stopdog]

For me, the name thing would not be a big deal - I would merely think them an idiot - not because the therapist forgot it - I don't think the woman independently knows my name after 5 years, but because they were too (stupid, distracted, scattered etc) to figure out how to check it before I came in that day or write it down on the calendar correctly.
The group would not bother me because I simply would not do it and the medical issues are just not my problem - knowing me I would tell the therapist I would expect them to cancel if they could not do their job that day.
The authentic/I am not perfect ******** would bother the crap out of me and I would not be willing to deal with that all.
I saw nothing that seemed like you were expecting perfection. I would try out others.

[here today]

My last/ex-T dumped a "your expectations are too high" thing on me as we were ending things. Never before, never a suggestion for something for me to work on or for her to help me with. I didn't buy it.

[Ankh91]

Expectations are one thing, but I don't think you're expecting too much for Kashi to remember your name and why you're there.

[growlycat]

That stuff is all straightened out now. It turned out that he took on someone else as a client with my same first name. That's why he asked my last name as he did not want to mix us up. We cleared the air. And he been great ever since. So far so good.

[Ankh91]

Originally Posted by growlycat

That stuff is all straightened out now. It turned out that he took on someone else as a client with my same first name. That's why he asked my last name as he did not want to mix us up. We cleared the air. And he been great ever since. So far so good.

I'm glad it's worked out. I read your most recent thread and went back to read these to get the whole picture. I still think I'd have reacted the same way you did. But I'm really pleased he cleared it up.