[Princetonstyle]

I'm not sure if this post is appropriate here, but I'm really struggling and in a lot of pain over transference in my therapy. It's probably more maternal, I think. I'm wondering if anyone who has gone through this and healed from it would be willing to chat with me about their process. Otherwise, if anyone knows of any online resources that can help me between sessions, I would really appreciate it. If anyone is willing, please feel free to send me a private message. Really wishing there was some kind of support group for this!

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by Princetonstyle

I'm not sure if this post is appropriate here, but I'm really struggling and in a lot of pain over transference in my therapy. It's probably more maternal, I think. I'm wondering if anyone who has gone through this and healed from it would be willing to chat with me about their process. Otherwise, if anyone knows of any online resources that can help me between sessions, I would really appreciate it. If anyone is willing, please feel free to send me a private message. Really wishing there was some kind of support group for this!

Have you talked to your T about it at all? That's what has helped me the most (paternal transference for marriage counselor that at one point had an erotic/romantic component too). There are lots of posts on here on dealing with transference (and in the Romantic Feelings for my Therapist subforum--some of those are more maternal/paternal, too). I'd also suggest checking out the Tales of a Boundary Ninja blog--she has lots of posts on transference that really helped me understand. Here's one of them
https://boundaryninjatales.com/2012/...-transference/

[itjustis]

It really is like hell going through transference. I had severe maternal feelings for my T and my attachment was so bad I thought I would die without her!
It does lessen though, I can tell you that.

The only way that worked for me was to talk about it. Talk, talk and talk as much as you need to.
I'm coming through it now. My attachment and maternal feelings are still there but they're less than what they used to be.

The only way I can describe it is as a blanket of sheets suffocating you and every time you talk about it a sheet lifts of you, eventually making it easier for you to breath.

I was so embarrassed when I first brought it up with my T, in fact I had a complete melt down and text her to tell her I hated her and didn't want to see her ever again.
This is was my turning point of getting over it. She wasn't phased at all. In fact I think she knew what was going on before I did! I even told T I loved her at one point, that was difficult to say! But I brought it into the room and we talked about it.
I found that my transference and attachment deepens and hurts more when talking about really painful things which bring up awful feelings.

Have you discussed this with your T yet?
ETA- I read a ton of things online about transference, attachment and the like. That really helped me too.

[kecanoe]

I think attachment and transference are two different things. When I think of transference I think of feelings that I had toward my parents at one time, now being focused on t as though t was doing the kind of stuff my parents did.

Attachment I think happens all through life. Those that had healthy attachment as babies (or so the theory goes) can have healthy attachment to others as adults. Regardless of our history of attachment, we develop attachments of various kinds with other people in our lives not just (or mostly) with ts. For example I am attached to my husband, I love him, I like to be around him, I turn to him for comfort when things are bad, that sort of thing. I am attached to friends and family members and colleagues, all in different ways.

I think it gets confusing because some ts talk about transference as "part of the process" and "grist for the mill", and that will help you understand and work thru feelings toward parents. While others talk about attachment therapy, re-parenting and things like that that are supposed to help those who did not have healthy attachment as babies. I think you can have one without the other, though.

[Soccer mom]

Shrinklady was also a great reference for me. She has an entire module on transference. As long as your therapist is open and willing to work with it, try to stay with them and as others said: talk, talk, talk. It is an extremely painful process but you will learn so much.

If it becomes too much to bare, keep in mind that you may have it with other therapists but to a greater or lesser degree than yours. My ex-T.'s inconsistency and reactions to me made my transference negative and worse. I have the same MET with my new/current T. but she is so different that it's not overwhelming. She is meeting me where I am and we are getting through it.

Post as much as you need to - this forum was a great help when I was in the thick of it.

[Soccer mom]

Oh, and Shrinklady has a website: myshrink.com. Sorry I wasn't specific in my other post.