[SoConfused623]

I'm so mad, hurt and disappointed at my T right now. My T is a blank slate but occasionally answers questions, for instance I asked her if she had Pets and what type of music she liked and she answered both of those questions.

I'm a medical Marijuana patient and admittedly also a recreational user. Earlier this year, the subject of Marijuana came up and I asked her if she had ever smoked it and she refused to answer at the time. I told her that in November after it became legal in my state that I would ask her again. Today I asked and she still wouldn't tell me. It's legal in my state so there should be no big deal in answering. I told her that I was sad that she didn't trust me enough after 2 years to answer the question. I then decided to take a different tact and asked her is she eats pizza and she wouldn't answer that either!!! It just seems like she's on a power trip and is doing this to aggravate me!

In general, I get why a blank slate can be helpful since the therapy is about me, but after seeing her for a couple of years and disclosing many, many highly personal and embarrassing things, to not answer a simple question and make a big deal out it is really upsetting me more than I can even talk about!

I purposely didn't ask her these questions at the beginning of the session because I was expecting the response that I got and didn't want the session to be tense the whole time. She said that we can talk about it more next week, but I'm contemplating just not going back!

%#((*%*Q#_*^#%@#$P!!!!!!

[atisketatasket]

I understand this is frustrating, but it's also her right not to answer personal questions if she so chooses. If a student asked me if I'd ever smoked marijuana, I would refuse to answer. If they asked me what kinds of food I ate, I doubt I'd answer that either. It's totally irrelevant to them learning anything from me.

I don't think this is a power trip, except insofar as she gets not to reveal herself and you don't, that is you don't if you want help. Therapy isn't a relationship based on mutual personal exchanges.

If she's been an effective, helpful therapist for over two years, why end over this?

[stopdog]

I don't feel I have to answer quesions the therapist asks me. I probably would not answer questions about food as I don't see how it is relevant to why I pay her.

I also think that both therapist and client are free to decide what questions to answer. I don't ask my therapists many or overly personal questions but especially the current T always tends to answer when I do. I speak a lot about substance use in therapy because that (addiction and obsessions) was a major issue I went to therapy for. I never directly asked any of the Ts whether they used anything or if they ever had a substance problem though. My current T once expressed that he had similar interests to mine in certain types of drugs when younger but I did not try to get more information, I consider that his private thing, if he wants to talk about it fine, and if not, it is also fine.

I don't feel much of a need for the therapist to answer or share a lot of personal things about themselves but my current T does quite a bit as reactions to what I bring up. I like his interactive style. But I would not feel upset if he refused to answer some questions. I think I would feel uneasy if a T just sat there without or with very minimal comments on what I have to say, I would have to ask myself what I get for my money then. So blank slate is not something I would like but uninvited intrusion would be much more upsetting for me. I would consider intrusiveness more of a power trip than holding some information back.

[awkwardlyyours]

I get why a seemingly innocent question from you triggering a clammed-up response from the T might trigger all other sorts of insecurities in you. Basically, if I'm understanding it correctly, it suddenly feels like your closeness or your relationship isn't what you thought it was (although that may well not have been the reason underlying her response).

I know this seems counter-intuitive and impossibly painful to do but if it's the lack of closeness that bothers you, then telling the T how you felt about the clammed-up response would be the way to go. But, do it in a way that you own it completely and you are just using this opportunity to express how you feel (rather than expect her to change her behavior). Because, really, the issue is not whether or not she tells you that she likes pizza or not but how you feel with her and about her in general. A good T will be able to "go there" with you and help you sort out what's going on.

[unaluna]

I think its asking a lot to require a t to give up their 5th amendment rights! Like its probably unconstitutional. We need a flag emoji.

[AllHeart]

Originally Posted by SoConfused623

I'm so mad, hurt and disappointed at my T right now. My T is a blank slate but occasionally answers questions, for instance I asked her if she had Pets and what type of music she liked and she answered both of those questions.

I'm a medical Marijuana patient and admittedly also a recreational user. Earlier this year, the subject of Marijuana came up and I asked her if she had ever smoked it and she refused to answer at the time. I told her that in November after it became legal in my state that I would ask her again. Today I asked and she still wouldn't tell me. It's legal in my state so there should be no big deal in answering. I told her that I was sad that she didn't trust me enough after 2 years to answer the question. I then decided to take a different tact and asked her is she eats pizza and she wouldn't answer that either!!! It just seems like she's on a power trip and is doing this to aggravate me!

In general, I get why a blank slate can be helpful since the therapy is about me, but after seeing her for a couple of years and disclosing many, many highly personal and embarrassing things, to not answer a simple question and make a big deal out it is really upsetting me more than I can even talk about!

I purposely didn't ask her these questions at the beginning of the session because I was expecting the response that I got and didn't want the session to be tense the whole time. She said that we can talk about it more next week, but I'm contemplating just not going back!

%#((*%*Q#_*^#%@#$P!!!!!!

I understand your feelings of disappointment, anger, and hurt, completely. It sounds rejecting and I know how painful that is. I do want to say that for some, disclosing marijuana usage is very personal and is a very big deal - legal or not. I think moreso in middle aged to older adults. In the case of your t, she may not have wanted to disclose because if she admitted to smoking pot, that would have implied she had been smoking pot illegally prior to a week ago. She may view that as harming to her professional reputation. As for her not answering your question about liking pizza, she probably recognized your tactic and chose not to answer because of it. Anyway, I hope you can go back next week and discuss this with your t.

You're upset your T won't tell you what pizza she eats?
Fgs!

[SoConfused623]

Originally Posted by _Mouse

You're upset your T won't tell you what pizza she eats?
Fgs!

I do NOT care what type of pizza she eats! I care that she won't tell me ANYTHING and that was just an example.

What is Fgs?

Originally Posted by _Mouse

You're upset your T won't tell you what pizza she eats?
Fgs!

That's a pretty facetious response. I think it's pretty clear that there is a lot more to it than that.

[ScarletPimpernel]

My T is pretty much a blank slate. I asked her what her favorite color is. We had to have a discussion about why it was important for me to know. I joked and said I was going to paint my whole house that color! But I explained that I just wanted to know because I was making her gifts. That was a good enough answer for her, so she told me.

I know it can be frustrating. You're just asking seemingly "innocent" questions. But the way your T does therapy, doesn't allow for that. You seemed to already know that. I agree with the others that you should talk to your T about it, but I don't think you should try to get anymore answers. Seems like it's a boundary for her.

You know you have a blank slate therapist who isn't going to answer these kinds of questions. Why do you continue to ask them when she has been pretty consistent in not answering them? If you are not able to work well with a blank slate therapist (I wouldn't be able to myself), then you may need to find a therapist who is more open about personal matters.

As far as the specific question goes, I think she is perfectly within her right, blank slate or not, to not answer any question she does not feel comfortable answering. I know as a teacher, there are definitely questions I simply refuse to answer. I would guess all people have their boundaries that way.

Originally Posted by SoConfused623

I do NOT care what type of pizza she eats! I care that she won't tell me ANYTHING and that was just an example.

What is Fgs?

FGS stands for "for goodness sake"
I think the blank slate in therapy can sometimes be difficult

[kecanoe]

I freely talk about having abused alcohol/drugs in the past but I would not think that is something that any of my ts would share with me. And t1 shares quite a lot. I would not interpret it as a power thing, just that it is something they want to keep private.

[msxyz]

I think the blank state approach is ridiculous and extremely contrived and therefore it wouldn't work for me. Guess you're finally exposed to the full brunt of it, I am sorry.

[Sarmas]

I don't think your t is on a power trip. I think it's her right to disclose what she chooses to disclose as if is your right to do so as well. The therapeutic session is about you and what you choose to discuss or bring to the the table but she doesn't need to reciprocate. Like others have said that if she were actually disclose such information that could be harmful to her profession. Imagine how she would be viewed. My t would discuss personal things of which I wouldn't doscuss with anyone anyway being that I'm not that person. She didn't discuss anything that would harm her profession in any way. I did ask her if she ever suffer from an eating disorder and she refused to give me an answer because she was afraid of how she would be viewed. She said that if she answered no then perhaps I would think that she would not be able to understand my case. It was her choice and I respected that.

[nicoleflynn]

The blank slate.....is old school and I could never be with a t who did that; they are human and should act that way.

[Sarmas]

Originally Posted by nicoleflynn

The blank slate.....is old school and I could never be with a t who did that; they are human and should act that way.

I totally agree.

[KitKatKazoo]

Originally Posted by msxyz

I think the blank state approach is ridiculous and extremely contrived and therefore it wouldn't work for me. Guess you're finally exposed to the full brunt of it, I am sorry.

I agree! I HATE the blank slate and find it more damaging than helpful. I've experienced similar reactions from my therapist--refusing to answer questions even as she hammers me with one query after another. I fully empathize with the OP's frustration, anger and disappointment. I've been there and it's enough to make me want to quit, too. It's as if the T intentionally creates a dynamic where the client feels baited. If the client, in turn, baits the T, the client's questions are "inappropriate," the answers "private," and so on. It's a ridiculous setup, hurtful (at least for me), and at the very least, not helpful in any way.