[Cleo6]

i told my t last time that I'm avoiding stuff. She brought it up early on in session and she was looking through her notes and commented about gaps missing. She said that I seem to have issues around my ex and my mum and we talked a bit about the beginning of my relationship with my ex and my mum. I kept thinking about when to hand over the note. A few times I thought about it then changed my mind then we had about 20 mins left so I got it out of my pocket and told her to just read it through then she can guess what my mum knew and what she didn't. She got it all right but one. She made some comment as she was reading it then she asked me few questions as she couldn't read my writing and then she asked me a few more but didn't ask for any details. She then took some notes and let me burn the letter in her fireplace. She thanked me for the letter and said that she knew that there was stuff I as avoiding and she was waiting for me to be ready. She then said that at some point we would talk further about it. Just felt really disconnected from her today, she brought her phone in which she has never done before and it kept vibrating she tried turning it off but couldn't. She looked at her phone and it was a number she didn't recognise. She apologised for it but I don't know she just didn't seem herself. Feeling empty now. Thought I would have some sort of strong emotion as been so stressed out this week and been crying load but there's not really anything

I'm glad you were able to share the letter with your t, now it's out there and you'll be able to talk about it with her. And I'm sorry about the phone thing happening. The strong emotion will likely come when you start talking more about what was in the letter. I hope you feel connected again soon.

[jeremiahgirl]

I know it was tough to do, (give the letter) it was the right thing to do. Be strong your on your way to healing.... Hidden issues tend to hinder complete healing. I don't know you, but I'm happy for your strength.

[Argonautomobile]

I think giving her the letter took a lot of courage. It might take a while to suss out how you feel about it. I hope you start feeling better, soon.

[guilloche]

I agree, sharing the letter took courage... it's a really important (and hard!) step to healing.

Plus, it says something about your relationship with your T, that you were able to share with her... that's a good thing.

Do you have anything that you can do for comfort (you mentioned crying a lot)? Like curling up to watch your favorite TV shows/movies, or reading a good book, or maybe meeting up with a friend for lunch over the weekend someplace yummy? Sometimes it's good to do little things like this for ourselves to help cope when we're having a rough time... it doesn't fix everything, but sometimes it's a nice reminder that we're important and valuable and worth doing nice things for.

*hugs*

[Cleo6]

Thank you. My daughter is going to a party otherwise got nothing planned. Haven't really done much today. Just struggling with how much she knows now. Normally she sits there staring at me but today she just sat looking at her papers and her reaction when she asked me if I was still self harming and I said yeah it helps seemed like she wasn't happy and was distant. Maybe it was too much in one go

[mostlylurking]

She may have felt more worried about you than she normally does, or may have been thinking harder about this new information and about how she can best help you. I wonder if she had a lot going on in her mind and that made her feel distant? I would say, try not to draw any conclusions until you see her again, but I know how nigh impossible that can be.

You did a difficult and brave thing, I'm so glad you got that done.

[ruh roh]

I'm sorry she acted that way. It doesn't seem like a lot to ask for them to respond in a way that's not so distancing. I don't think they have any idea how hard it is to bring these things up. I hope it goes better for you next time you see her.

[guilloche]

I'm sorry too... that sounds stressful and not fun. You needed reassurance and support, not distance and avoidance! Do you know how long your T has been doing this? I wonder what her level of experience is?

Take care of yourself this weekend. I know it sounds cliched, but try to find something nice for yourself as a distraction. Something that you usually enjoy, even if you don't feel like you'll enjoy it now... sometimes it can help.