Laughter in therapy

Thanks.

Btw, who started using the word "blaming" here on PC? Not picking on you, mona, but if it is jargon from the anti-t faction, is it something we HAVE to consider? I mean, we already have "defense mechanism". What exactly is "blaming" supposed to connote? Maybe thats a question for another thread. Im not sitting in my sessions assigning blame to either t or me, i dont think! Is it stg pcers do in posting, assign blame to either the t or the client? How is that different from saying, i think the t or client is being defensive?

Boy you can tell i had my oats and kale today. And my lentils and spinach last night!

I think it is generally safe to assume a person who is a professional therapist would likely be someone who might be more emotionally prepared to take such feedback, notwithstanding the nature of their posts and that's how I understood your comment ruh roh. It doesn't seem to me that you have anything to apologise for.
Mona -i hope you are able to reach a place where you consistently feel you are receiving good quality therapy, because you deserve that.

I actually did a search. Unfortunately PC refuses to search by parts of speech. But it looked fairly recent.

I assume dinner is chickpeas and rocket?

Actually spaghetti and meatballs its like a tranquilizer gun for me.

I think therapists do blame clients for things. I don't have any problem at all using the term blame. And since I pay two of them, I would be hard pressed to consider myself anti-therapy.
I also think that the reasons people listed for doing humor or laughing with the therapist are the exact reason I listed for refusing to do it. It leads the therapist to a false conclusion about how I feel about them or the whole therapy situation. I am fairly direct with them about not doing it and why

Therapists do blame clients for stuff, but I think the "blaming" phrase referred to the perception that someone else entirely, a third party, not the therapist, was blaming the client.

Ruh Roh, you have nothing to apologise for. We are all entitled to our opinions and to comment on any bodies threads. I appreciate all feedback because someone is taking time out of their day and time is precious, also because they put a lot of thought and effort into what they are saying / writing, your reply was no different. I am sorry that you feel you no longer will participate in my threads, I didn't intend to in responding to you to suggest you not respond but I think this has happened in another of my threads ? Or am I imagining that? One thing about our communication to one anther gets misinterpreted and that's always a danger when posting a thread.
And I guess I did hear some blaming, I know now that was not your intention but I am confused as to what sprit your post was intended. There is an assumption that because I am a t that people can be more forward is that correct? Maybe I am hearing this all wrong again and I really don't want to, I understand if you choose not to reply as it is your right. I am sorry again for any misinterpretations. I did use the word many because it is a fact that many do nothing t like my therapist from what I have posted, that is a fact and perhaps you felt that I said that and used that rather owning something for myself? It was double edged or something?

Yes, it is entirely this. That was my perception and I can be particularly sensitive to any blaming. I should put that as a warning in my posts before posting in future

Btw, I love kale crisps not sure with oats though.
Sometimes I can feel blamed from some posts for example, it was said that I was setting my t up and that I was acting a role or something like that, in two separate threads. I am not naming or blaming anyone and I felt like people were calling me dishonest and like I was deliberately setting my t up and my defences kicked in. I felt a little ashamed too.
We do all have defences and for a very good reason to protect us. It's easy to misinterpret words but I did feel a little blamed. It is useful to be aware of how other people see it and how I see it. I didn't intentionally set out to trap my t or mislead her it was something that I wasn't really aware of, I was acting out something an old pattern.

As I have replied to Ruh Roh, I didn't understand the nature of the feedback.
Or the spirit in which it was intended. I think there are a lot of assumptions being made about professional therapists. Yes I am a professional therapist and yes I am also a client I think the two are the truth but they are also very different and one is more vulnerable than the other and perhaps it is difficult to separate the two. When I start a thread it's usually because like everyone here my therapy is causing a level of distress in my life and I am looking for support. There is a risk we won't get what we need unless we are very clear in asking for what we need, nevertheless, I am glad that you felt the need to clarify that with Roh Ruh or to distinguish that a professional therapist would likely be someone who might be emotionally prepared to take such feedback Echos.

Laughtern in the early days of therapy was difficult for me. A few times I went into the zone and mistook T's laughter for an attack.

It's different now. I can read what is going on.

It's not always easy to distinguish whether t is laughing at you or with you. This time it felt as though she was laughing more at me, she did apologise. T was in convulsions of laughter and it did feel inappropriate.
Most of time I can read what's going on but this time it was harder.

She's never laughed in convulsions. Just a smile would in the beginning set me off.

So maybe its more a lawyering term. This side is to blame, therefore they pay? Im just saying, in court, one is actively trying to assign responsibility for an incident. But a therapist is neither judge nor jury. A t sits with the client and looks at the emotions and memories of the "case", not even the facts of it. Its like trying to blame a dream instead of interpreting it or guessing what it could mean. My goal in t is to arrive at what FEELS right, not "who is objectively 51 percent to blame". Just some thoughts. I dont like the blame-calling.

in the beginning of working with my T i would smile while talking about abuse/painful things. i think it confused him... he would always ask why are you smiling? i wasnt sure, either

sometimes i laugh when im saying self deprecating things

my T uses humor a lot in my therapy. he has a weird sense of humor, but i love it. its so random and ridiculous. we laugh sometimes, about a TV show we like, etc..

when i get delusional , my T does tend to make a bit of a joke out of it. it felt insulting to me, like he doesnt believe me and hes making fun of me. he figured out one day that it hurt me... he asked me if i thought he was making fun of me. i said yes. he told me he's not making fun of me, and that he tries to bring humor into it because it can help decrease the seriousness and intensity of the delusion (my delusions are typically of a scary, paranoid nature). i understand what he was saying

an example was that one time i went to his office and he had his space heater on. i was unwell at the time and i was hearing voices in the space heater's noise. i told T about it.

a couple weeks later when we were meeting, the space heater was still there. i told T well at least im not hearing voices in the space heater this time. he said thats because i took the speaker out of it. in that example i wasnt hurt or upset because i was not psychotic anymore- and i thought it was funny

I think convulsions of laughter would be a bit over the top and would bother me regardless of the circumstances.

My T does sometimes laugh at me when I use certain defensive techniques we've discussed at length as illogical..
Its a fine line. In the right circumstances I'll laugh too and realize how little sense what I am saying makes.

Under the wrong circumstances I can get really upset. However once its clear I'm upset she sobers right up. She does not keep laughing if its clear that I'm not.

So it seems to me the real issue maybe isn't the laughter itself but your Ts failure to be attuned to you....

This has been a recurring theme throughout my treatment with t. There has been a lot of misattunements which have led to huge ruptures. We tried to talk about this at the end of our session and t did apologise but I am still left wondering how it turned so bad.
If the circumstances had been different this would be fine. T knows how hard it is for me to talk about my mom let alone reacting like this. There have been times when we both laughed throughout the session and we laughed together but this felt different.

This is a really good example of appropriate humour, thank you for sharing JunkDNA. Your t sounds kinda cool, he was able to hear you were hurt and able to explain the reasons behind his laughter. My t on the other hand, was not able to explain her laughter only say sorry it wasn't meant to hurt me.