[stolen_innocence08]

I have been seeing my T for sometime. I have always found it difficult to 'talk' openly and express myself, and whilst he knows a lot about me and my past, there are parts he doesnt know, or parts I've left out, or not explained in a way I feel best.

I have a history. We all do. But there are parts of my history I feel are important and it's only recently I've been feeling the NEED to tell my T.

Many years ago now I spent over a year in a psych unit. My life was in tatters. That stage of my life was crutial to the person I have become to be and I worked and worked very hard to tackle my behaviours and get to where I am. During my time there I worked with a brilliant therapist. I have a series of letters that T wrote to me during different periods of my stay and they just describe how I was perfectly and the battles I endured. They are beautiful letters, to me anyway. They have stuff in them my current T doesn't know. For example, my bpd diagnosis.

I feel the need to show T the letters, to let my current T in more, but I don't know how to go about it.

[Out There]

How about speaking to your T and explaining you have something you want to share but feel anxious about it ? Then maybe you and T can work on the feelings ? I feel safer with my T now ( though it was hard work ! ) I feel those needs coming up too.

[Waterbear]

I am also in a similar situation. I have the want to talk before I have the ability to do so. It is a tough place to be in and can lead to a fair amount of frustration. It is great news that you are wanting to share things with your T and hopefully the ability will come with time as you see, little by little, that it is safe. That is advice to me as much as it is for you!!

[stolen_innocence08]

I feel it's important he knows as its a part of my history that helped shape me. But I am ashamed to bring it up. Ashamed to even mention it. I do not know why. Yes it would make me vulnerable but I feel T will think I am going over old ground. And wonder why I brought it up.

There is also the bpd diagnsos. which I failed to mention.

[MBM17]

When I was (mis)diagnosed with BPD, I think the diagnosis did affect my treatment, so I can understand having fear of telling someone that diagnosis. In fact, it took me two years of meeting with a really great therapist to even mention it to him because i was so scared of what it would make him think or if it would change how he saw me or how he thought about our treatment.

What ended up happening is that he said a BPD diagnosis doesn't even make sense for me and what idiots diagnosed me with it and he's seen little to no evidence of it and were those people newly graduated or what? Haha so I didn't need to worry after all. I still did worry for several months about BPD and what he thought, but he continues to say, that's not right for you.

That may not be your experience since I assume you feel the diagnosis is accurate. I guess what I'm saying is that if your therapist is a good therapist, if the signs are there, he probably already saw them for himself, and if the signs aren't there, then telling him the past diagnosis probably won't change anything because he won't think it applies.

As far as wanting to share stuff -
Golly, that can be SCARY! Sharing stuff you've previously hidden... I'm working on that right now too. It has been a painful process like pulling out my brain a piece at a time, but every piece I talk to my therapist about, I feel better about afterwards. I still haven't managed to talk about it all. I hope it goes well for you. Keep us posted!

There's a pep talk for telling him the BPD diagnosis.