[retro_chic]

Uuuuuggghhh. I just finished my session and I feel like I totally wasted it. I had SO many things to talk about but somehow when I got there I freaked out and didn't want to do it. I did bring some things up but I had such a hard time understanding what T was saying. She would ask me a question and I would repeat it to myself in my head and I just couldn't decipher the meaning. I could understand the words individually but together in a sentence I had no idea. It all just felt too hard and I just wanted to say to T "I can't be bothered to talk about this" but I didn't. I had been longing for T for the whole week and I completely wasted the small amount of time i get with her. I feel like such a failure.

[Out There]

I have sessions like that - it just feels like a jumble and untangling it all feels bewildering and confusing. I've often thought your therapy was going well and is quite like mine - try not to feel too bad Retro !

[CantExplain]

I hate wasting a session.

[retro_chic]

Originally Posted by Out There

I have sessions like that - it just feels like a jumble and untangling it all feels bewildering and confusing. I've often thought your therapy was going well and is quite like mine - try not to feel too bad Retro !

Thanks for the reply Out There. I'm still feeling pretty bad about the whole thing to be honest. I wish I could see what you see in terms of my therapy "going well".

[Out There]

I thinks it's like the programs in your head changing almost imperceptably at first. It's happened to me a lot lately , like " I feel like **** and want to leave " - BUT , it's how those programs got there to make you feel like that. And there's the progress.

[skeksi]

I've also had those sessions where it felt "too hard." It's so frustrating! But the opportunity to connect better next week is there, and try to remember that a bump in the road doesn't change the facts that you and T are on the road together.

I had one of those wasted sessions last Saturday that I posted about. Ugh, I felt so awful about it. It was such an off session that we scheduled a 2nd one on Wednesday and we talked it all out then, and things are good again, we're back on track. You are NOT a failure, this therapy stuff is really hard work, sometimes harder than others. I wish you the very best in talking it out with your t when you go back.

[kecanoe]

I hate it when that happens! Sometimes I think it is me dissociating, sometimes I think t gets it wrong. But I definitely experience the thing where I can hear the words but not understand the sentence. I hope your next session is better. Any chance of adding an extra session?

[retro_chic]

Thanks again everyone for your support!

I don't want to book an extra session because my T only works Thursdays and Fridays and also, it is too expensive. I hope next session I'm able to talk to her about all this. I'm really sick of this "1 step forward 2 steps back" thing that seems to be going on. I wish I weren't so attached to T because then I could just quit and not have to think about this stuff anymore.