[sunrise]

When your T does something that really helps you or clicks with you, do you let him/her know? Do you thank him/her or say "that's it" or "that's exactly what will help me"?

Sometimes it seems that T's hear from us when they don't handle a situation well or don't meet our needs or say the "wrong thing." But does anyone give positive feedback?

I am not good at giving positive or negative feedback to my T. I think a couple of times I've told him my needs and what didn't work. I remember once I really tried to thank him for all his help, but was largely unsuccessful. I guess I feel we are connected a lot, and he must feel that, just as I do, and that is his positive feedback. Or when he sees from my reaction how "right on" he is with what he has said to me. Or sees me smile, or relax, or feel comfortable enough to cry in his presence, or trusting enough to share things with him I've never told anyone. This is his positive feedback. But is there a time to be more direct?

Just curious...

i do definitely. i am on him like white on rice if he gets something that clicks well. Sometimes i say so right away, sometimes i write and sometimes i call. i especially like to call later that evening... so he gets a positive message from me, and it's what he gets to start his day.

i think it's extremely important to give postive feedback. The whole process is a learning experience on both sides. A T has to adapt for each client and the only wya they can do it is if they know for sure when they are hot or cold,you know?

But my T also asks for specifics... like if i say that last session worked really well for me, he wants to know what parts... or when i told him i was ok with talking about something i had expressly asked not to talk about earlier, he wanted to know if i was more comfortable with him, with the process, or something else. He likes to know when he "gets it right on" so that he can learn about me.... and i am sure it helps make the job more rewarding.

[MissCharlotte]

Wellllll since I've been one to hand out the negative feedback lately...

Yes, if T does something that helps I try to give positive feedback as well. I have thanked him for saying things that help me. I have called and left "thank you" messages as well. For example, when we did inner child work, I thanked him and told him that the work was very meaningful to me.

I have been working on this verbal communication with T, trying to keep the channels opened.

So, I'm an equal opportunity client.



2 weeks, 4 days till my next session with T

[lauren_helene]

I give my T positive feedback. I think it would be great to do that!

I do. Both pos and neg feeback. Sometimes I don't give the feedback until the following session because it takes me awhile to process that what he did was helpful or significant. I also believing in experience now, process later. Meaning, if I am aware of the significance of something that he's doing/something he said.. I would rather experience it, then process and give feedback at a later time. I like to keep them separate, as not to take away from the experience. Of course, being the way that I am, sometimes I don't feel like giving him too much credit. Sometimes he deserves a lot more than I give him. Negative feedback is important to. Helps let him know when we're not on the same page.

I am going to add something else. When I am in T role and a patient comes up to me and says "thank you for... " or "this group was really great because..." it doesn't mean nearly as much as the experience of connecting with the patient in the moment. It is at that precise moment when unconsciously, as a T, you are getting all the positive feedback in the world.

[sunrise]

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pinksoil said:
When I am in T role and a patient comes up to me and says "thank you for... " or "this group was really great because..." it doesn't mean nearly as much as the experience of connecting with the patient in the moment. It is at that precise moment when unconsciously, as a T, you are getting all the positive feedback in the world.

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Thank you for saying that. I have felt too that having us both revel in the connection is a really good "thanks", and sometimes unspoken communication is so powerful. Like, what could you actually say that would communicate the thanks with the same intensity and authenticity?

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sunrise said:
Like, what could you actually say that would communicate the thanks with the same intensity and authenticity?

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One time i told my T, "You understand me like no one else in the world ever has."

[Gracey]

If my T misses it. . .I usualy give him the "You're talking out of your butt" look. After all this time, he gets it. When he hits it spot on however, typically I tell him right then. . .IF I can speak. Lots of time, he'll say something, it'll hit home, and then I'm kind of speechless for a few minutes while I process the fact that he just figured something out I haven't been able to.

[dreamrunner]

I try to give positive feedback, but not so much directly.
I often see things in a different perspective when we talk,and I tell him that.
I tell him ,the things that he suggests in therapy, if it works.I tell him, my even small successes,and that seems to please him.So I guess I think that the positive feedback is my success with therapy......if that makes sense?

[ECHOES]

Yes, I tell her "Oh, that's good!" when she connects something I haven't and I agree with her analysis. I tell her when something she says or a way she says it makes me feel good, that I appreciate her saying it or saying it the way she did.

I often say "I like when you..." or "I appreciate when you..."

... call me back
... don't get irritated with my phone calls like I'm afraid you wil
... reassure me
... say that so gently because it's easier to take in that way
... share a laugh with me
... help me stay focused when I need to and let me wander otherwise

... tell me I'm your favorite client and you wish all the others would just go away.

.. Okay, I made the last one up. But she could! And if she did, I would give her postive feedback!

[Lemon]

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ECHOES said:
... tell me I'm your favorite client and you wish all the others would just go away.

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LOL Ohhh that's a good one, I'd give positive feedback if my T said that too!