Abandonment fears

Nov 30, 2016, 04:14 PM

I would have had therapy today, but now have to wait until next week. I had a good day yesterday, but a bad day today. My abandonment issues kept interrupting me at work and I had difficult focusing or having any kind of semblance of energy.

I can say I have made a concerted effort tolerate this horrific affect. I can also say that I don't know how much longer I can handle this. The times when I am up close to my wound is excruciating and maybe traumatizing. I can't wait to feel consistently safe again. I wonder how long it will take to get back to "normal".

Elio · Nov 30, 2016, 04:59 PM

I hear you - I have spent a good portion of the day here, reading different posts. Today would have been my usual 2nd session this week but it was moved to Friday. No issues coming up and I'm doing pretty good overall - just no focus.

You are so not alone. Is there anything I can do to help?

Elio · Nov 30, 2016, 05:50 PM

Possible trigger:

A week ago Saturday, I was having a rough day so I came here and read several threads. I got sucked into the t abruptly terminating threads which lead to lots of abandonment fears. I wrote up a long journal entry about how she could leave me at anytime for any number of reasons. I read her the journal entry at the following session. The entry ended with me asking her to acknowledge that she can't promise something won't happen. That she can't protect me... She did. She acknowledged that there are too many things out of our control. By default she went to the.. might be killed places with it. I responded with there could also be something good like this amazing opportunity to do something out of the area. Her response was that there were lots of great things here in the area... but conceded that something could happen. She did say that was not in her plans and that she plans on being there for me as long as I want/it takes (something else I had requested in the entry). For me, I think it helped hearing from her that she might not always be there for me; that she too cannot control things to the point that things absolutely won't turn out different than what she hopes for and wants; and that she plans to be there for me as long as I need her (sans the always).

Nov 30, 2016, 06:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elio

I hear you - I have spent a good portion of the day here, reading different posts. Today would have been my usual 2nd session this week but it was moved to Friday. No issues coming up and I'm doing pretty good overall - just no focus.

You are so not alone. Is there anything I can do to help?

I'm glad things are going well thus far. Just posting helps me, I appreciate all of the posts. Writing here really helps.

As for your second post, I really think it is good that you were able to talk to your T directly about how you felt and what you needed. My T has told me he will be here as long as I need, and I know him well enough to know that he means it as long as nothing else outside of our control gets in the way. I have such a good T, and from what you wrote about your conversation, it sounds like you have a good one, too.

MBM17 · Dec 01, 2016, 05:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Tsunami

MBM, excellent question. I have a hard time discerning what it actually is. I know that I have a fear that he is angry at me or he thinks I'm a waste of his time type of thing. I don't feel that now, but at times, I definitely do. I do fear that I'll lose the safety net of him because I tend to get stressed/upset at work and T helps me understand why. When I'm ungrounded, it feels like I'm falling and yes, I fear that I'll never be grounded again and that I'll be left alone to deal with all of my emotions. That's a big one, fear of being left with all of my emotions. I do have an H who helps and who I have been talking to. He has helped. I had something kind of harrowing happen at work the other day, but I ended up handling it okay, which was a shock to me. I never know when I'm going to feel the abandonment fear or for how long. It's so annoying to say the least. And yes, he did take a LONG vacation. Thank you so much for your help!

That's my biggest abandonment fear - that he will abandon me and then I'll be left all alone to cope with these huge emotions I can't handle. That's what happened with one of my best therapists. We'd been working for a few months on letting the big emotions out, on feeling them in the safe space of therapy. Then he couldn't work anymore and I had all these massive emotions newly floating around with no one there to help me manage them.

I'm still afraid that will happen with my current therapist. It has been three years with him and all this time I've kept the biggest feelings inside, not letting them out, afraid that if I did (or if I did something else he didn't like) that he'd stop working with me and I'd be all alone again, trying to cope with really severe bipolar alone.

All that to say - I get that fear of losing your safety net. It's a very legitimate, reasonable fear when we're dealing with life-threatening illnesses and need the help of people who know how to help.

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Abandonment fears

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