I watched a documentary about criminals locked up in a pysch ward because their crimes were quite bad.
Now I'm not schizophrenic, I spent time on a pysch ward, but watching some of the situations were really triggering and made me see judt how far I've come, and how I don't really realise how bad 'then' was.
One guys mother - and many of the imates, as I did, added fuel to the fire by drinking, just as I did - said that she hates him crying for help and she can't open the door for him.
That really hit me. It come flashing back to me how I was begging my recently deceased adoptive mother for help and she shut the door on me. Yes she was afraid of me. But she'd been afraid of me since the day I was brought home to her. My birth mother being an Irish alcoholic was degrading for her, she never separated that from the baby I was.
I was a loose canon from 14. I identified so much with the issues these people were having.
I remembered so much as I watched and feel I've had 2 lives. Then and now. So grateful that I found the T I have.
I wish my mum had got the chance to know me now. But I don't think she had the ability to have seen it anyway. I fitted the fears she had. But that scene of the man begging for his mother's help really disturbed me. I was shaking. I never ever want to relive the past! Relive that desperation.

[Skeezyks]

Congratulations on how far you've come, _Mouse! My parents are both long-since gone now. I sometimes wonder what they would think if they could see me now. In my case, I managed to hide my mental health issues until both of them were gone. And since none of us ever talked about anything substantive, I'm sure they would be shocked if they could see what has become of me. Plus, as you said, my parents would not have had the ability to see it either. I can just hear what my father would have said: "What the hell's the matter with you, bud?" Anyway, it's all water over the dam now, as the saying goes. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

[leejosepho]

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

Congratulations on how far you've come, _Mouse!

Yes, definitely. I saw my own worst times in prison as well as in a ward, then later worked at a job where I saw others suffer even more than I ever had...and the difference between that and what we have now almost always comes through someone who cared enough and knew how we could get out of there.