[Elio]

**warning for those that have not dealt with gender related issues, yes for me my gender changes as I talk and view different parts of myself, I have a little boy and a younger girl (teen) that speaks the most to me**

I have talked to t some about feeling like in this process, I am growing up again, going through the stages of life from infancy/young child and up. I have felt for a little while that things have been shifting in our relationship; she hasn't been as supportive in sessions. Then the last 2 weeks due to my changing jobs, she became very supportive again. Today, I emailed her and sent clear signal that I was doing fine and didn't need her support. She hasn't replied to me - which is actually bugging me. Then I remembered the conversations about touch and how she had to weigh things in terms of therapeutic value. I am her job. I have no doubt that she cares about me, she cares enough to modify her behaviors and keep her feelings/wants in check to do what she feels is best for me (she is an awesome t). That is what it means to do her job.

As I was writing about the feelings of how our relationship seems to be shifting, I realized that it was time for me to grow up - at least to the next stage. I think I am going to miss that childlike unconditional love of the mommy I see in her and have wanted from her. I know I am going to miss connecting to that little boy in me. I hope she finds a way to touch him before he is gone.

If this has any linear progression, watch out because the rebellious teen part should be coming out next and she is not nice. She was not allowed to rebel when I chronologically aged so she has so major anger bottled up and waiting to come out. I hope t can hold on for the ride that might hit if the younger girl takes a turn at bat here.

[Waterbear]

I hope your T can hold on for the ride too, and mine, for that matter. That seems like really good insight and a good place yo be, as long as the growing up isn't forced, by either of you.

[Teddy:)]

Your post resonates with what I'm also going through in my own therapy experience. Its such a hard place to be & I find it immensely frustrating at times. I find that I go through moments where the adult part is like "let's move on" but then the child part doesn't want to let go yet. Your T seems understanding of what is happening which is great! I'm so thankful that my T goes with the flow and adjusts to suit, I'd be lost if she didn't.
I don't think there is any timeframe to which one can put to "getting over it" so to speak, I know for me, there are times where I really struggle & times where I only struggle a little. I really see it as a process of grieving- acknowledging all the things you didn't receive & allowing those feelings to be felt, its a hard process! I still long so bad for my T to be my mom, I miss her tremendously between sessions & I still struggle with session endings & separating. I think it takes time and is very a individual process. I wish you well though on your journey & want you to know that you are not alone with your feelings!