[AnxiousandAlive124]

Tipsy while I'm typing this, but I told my therapist recently that I have something on my mind and that I'd like to talk about it soon. This is regarding my positive transference, which I've experienced transference before with teachers in the past...my hopes are that it goes well and this is another healing point for me, however I may need to be "healed". Please keep me in your thoughts and send me stories of your transference revelations.

Thanks

Good luck! I hope your T reacts well and is nonjudgmental, validating and accepting because you deserve that.

For me, my T has been accepting and validating of various transference feelings I've brought up (parental, sibling, erotic), although we've never really had an indepth conversation about it during session. Most of it is me journalling about the feelings for her to read.

There's been times when I've been so, so sure she would be disgusted by me expressing my feelings, that she'd mock me for them - to which she's said that my inner critic telling me all this is "absolutely ridiculous".

I responded on your other thread as well. It would probably take a(n even longer) mini novel to describe all or even most of my transference discussions... I saw you are experiencing the erotic kind so here is some of mine that occurred in therapy. As I mentioned in the other thread, I have a long history of ET outside of therapy and by the time I actually got into therapy, most of the challenging and mysterious "work" was done... but I did experience it with both therapists a bit.

With 1st, the guy had absolutely nothing that typically fits my ET pattern, not appealing physically at all either. The only feature was male and much older than me (actually, far too much to really trigger me, something like close to 30 years my senior, the range I tend to feel attracted to is 10-20 years older than me). I was always curious and open to the possibility because of my history, and told him this also very early on. I read a ton about ET by the time I started therapy for the first time. But no real feelings until a very specific event, then it did hit me suddenly. At one point I decided to attend some training classes with him as well, in addition to my individual therapy (so a dual relationship sort of attempt). That was the trigger and of course very predictable, given my pattern with teachers and mentors... So suddenly I was flooded with those erotic fantasies but also conflicted since the reality of him was not attractive to me at all. But I told him about it. Simply mentioned in one session that I had erotic fantasies about him that I wanted to discuss next time and how I thought they were triggered by the classes. And then we did. He took it well and was curious, wanted me to elaborate on the specific fantasies, so I did. It felt extremely comical to me in the moment, looking at the actual person, who clearly had very little to do with it, I intensely felt how it was all coming from my past and my psyche and not from the reality of the man and "us". One thing that I recall was particularly funny for me in the moment. I was explaining to him how I was flooded by those erotic thoughts mostly for two days, and how I was surprised a bit at the intensity, as in reality I was not attracted to him that way (yes I told him this straight, several times as he kept bringing it up). Yet so excited while fantasizing, even acting it out with my real life partner. T commented "so after all, it sounds like we had a good time". I added "yes in my head". I felt very comfortable and we discussed it in that whole session, basically trying to interpret my specific fantasy scenarios. It was worth it. He commented in the end that he was glad I felt so easy discussing it as it's not typical with most people. The feelings completely went away though soon with that T (and other positive energies as well, but that's a different topic). He asked me about it a couple times later but I had nothing more to report. So that was that.

2nd T was a whole different case. Even when I chose him based on his online info, and then much more in our first session, I saw that he was the kind of guy I typically feel very attracted to for friendships and romantically. It was actually part of my reason for choosing him, I wanted to see what comes of my typical attraction mechanism in therapy. Well, some good work came of it but nothing too intense in the erotic or romantic sense, nothing I was not familiar with already. But the feelings and the mild sexual tension we had throughout our time working together made for a very enjoyable experience, I think for both of us. It wasn't something I wanted to discuss very extensively for its own sake but in different contexts when I felt it came up. So I told him in which ways I felt drawn to him many times, in many larger contexts and associations. We usually discussed it as more a theoretical phenomenon rather than very personal for the two of us and while he clearly expressed signs of having similar feelings, we kinda kept it implicit and tried to integrate it into more general discussions on my present relationships, for example with coworkers. I also sensed that the T probably actively stayed a bit back from going too deeply with the attraction between us, not hiding but more encouraging me to discuss it in outside of therapy contexts in general. I was game for that as I did not want to spoil our great rapport either and I was already more than familiar with my ET pattern, so no need to analyze it super deeply. I always felt very comfortable with him and with my feelings though and enjoyed the little energy boost I got from that element of our relationship, I found it very energizing as I usually do with people. This T is also very attractive to me physically, just good to look at him in sessions But I wanted to address other things as priority.

In general, I've never experienced difficulties with ET in therapy and if anything, it enriched my experience and boosted the bond and my trust. (1st T did not handle his own reactions well later on though but that's another discussion.) Again, for me it was positive, like in most of my earlier, ordinary life stories (except the very first couple cases when I had not learned yet how to be comfortable with it). My main lesson from this element especially with 2nd T was that I tend to have good intuitive sense when it comes to choosing people that will likely mix with me well. I stopped seeing him regularly about a month ago but I think I will always think of him as a prime example of of people I find appealing and feel I have a lot of common with. Something I was happy about in these therapy experiences: I never tried to pursue them sexually or romantically, did not even entertain that possibility much in my mind. That was very different from my earlier life experiences with non-therapists, where I caused quite a lot of... khmm.... complications for various people driven by this thing and wanting to gratify myself. Somehow I never truly desired to breach therapy boundaries that way, except in fantasy and I think one drunken email to the 2nd T (but he had a hunch and did not engage in it, we discussed it in session though). I did have frequent feelings to develop friendship with the Ts or even to maybe collaborate in some work projects (I am in the mental health field as well but not in helping role).

Rootin' for ya