[perceptionz]

I met this girl, and when we were clicking, I was more motivated than ever to chase my dreams, be way more physically appealing, shed my extra body fat, get great grades, everything in my life I wanted to excel at when she was clicking with me.

I see that she's broken. She's extremely shy, and I can just sense how much she's hurting (I'm somewhat of an empath), and I so badly want to fix her and show her how amazing she is, but she refuses to let me in. She shows all signs of interest, but runs when I try engaging with her.

When I broke it off, due to taking her timidness personally and just thinking that I was a complete bother to her more than anything, I cried for 3 weeks straight and couldn't get out of bed. I then numbed myself to her, deleted her number, just tried to convince myself that it was all in my head.

All of my motivation to better myself in the ways I listed and then some was and still is gone.

I know this is a common problem; not being able to better yourself for yourself, but only for someone or something else, but I don't know what it's characterized as. I really need some help as to why this is, what this situation is referred to as, and how I can shift the focus to bettering myself for myself because I believe I deserve it and am worthy.

Thanks in advance, and happy holidays.

Sounds a bit like co-dependency, have you looked into that? Also, since you are posting this on a Psychotherapy forum, have you seen a therapist about it or considered seeing one?

[Salmon77]

Sounds like poor self-esteem, overall.

Plus, speaking as a former girl: a guy trying to "fix" me = a guy trying to control me. You can't fix other people, that's up to them. Focus on yourself.

[Argonautomobile]

You know, I don't think striving to be better for someone/something other than yourself is always unhealthy. I think the greatest motivating factors often are things outside ourselves. People strive to be the best they can be for their children, for their country, for higher ideals, or in the service of others.

It sucks when your motivating force is taken away. Losing a relationship can feel like you've lost your reason to be--if indeed the relationship was your reason to be. So, I'm sorry you're feeling this way, Perceptionz.

What else do you care about? Do you think, in service of that, you'd begin to feel worthy, useful, valuable?