[BreakForTheLight]

I'm currently looking for a new therapist but I don't really know how to go about finding the right one....

I've tried online directories but there's just a long list of people who mostly haven't even uploaded a picture, don't have a website and don't even mention any areas they are specialized in. Also a lot of those pages haven't even been updated in years! My doctor gave me a list with a few people that she'd heard positive experiences from other patients highlighted, but when I google those I still can't find any more information. And I want to make sure that the therapist I go to is familiar with AvPD because I've had therapists before who treated it as social phobia and that only made things worse.

When I do a search for therapist specialized in personality disorders, I end up with mostly therapists not covered by insurance, and I can't afford to pay for it myself.

So how do you do it? Do you just randomly call different therapists? A fear of calling people is one of my issues, so that would be extremely hard for me. How the hell does someone who has anxiety over making phone calls get in touch with a therapist to help them with their anxiety?? I would prefer it if I could send an e-mail but then I want to be absolutely sure their contact info is up to date.....

I started with my insurance list because if they weren't on my insurance, it wasn't going to happen. Just my reality. I narrowed it down to location because I knew I needed someone local. By that point my list was pretty short. From there I went with my preference as to gender and qualifications and just set up an appointment. I prefer to actually sit down with them in session to get a real feel for if it will work or not. Other people call and talk to them on the phone. Some will email with you. For me, just having a session with them is most telling. I have no problems not returning if it doesn't feel right.

[junkDNA]

psychology today

I usually contact them with a short email outlining what I look for. I don't like calling strangers on the phone either so I email or text. Compose a general message (with minor modification if I can tailor it based on info on the therapist) including basic questions if relevant (for example insurance, fee) and send it out. See if/how they respond. Then set up a consultation with a few that look promising and go for it. Many therapists offer free first appointment, this is also something that can be inquired upon first contact.

I emailed. I do better in writing than verbally. The first time I looked for a therapist I shared a lot about myself and my situation in the emails I sent out, which I regretted, because on the occasions I heard nothing back, I felt like I had just sent all my personal problems "out there" without knowing who might see it.
The second time around I just said I wanted an appointment for therapy and asked whether there were any weekly slots available. (Most of the info about his practice was available on his website).
This was much better as I was able to share stuff with him at a pace that suited me.
If you are looking for someone with a specific specialism, it may be worth mentioning that in the email; some therapists might be able to point you in the right direction even if they can't help you directly.

[junkDNA]

i insisted my T work with me. i was in a treatment facility and was with a different T, but my T filled in for her one week when she was gone. after that i knew he was going to be able to do deep work with me and get to the root causes of my issues. he was hesitant to work with me given my history with my previous male T. in the end , he agreed. he even joked once saying thank you for forcing me to become your therapist. we've been working together for 6 years now

[benzenering]

I also used psychology today.

[skeksi]

I used Psychology Today as well. I used it to check on the T's my insurance participated with.

[BrazenApogee]

I used Psychology Today's website. You can narrow your search, and most have pics and a little they write about themselves. Also, most have email addys, so you can just write them a message.

[here today]

Originally Posted by BreakForTheLight

. . . I want to make sure that the therapist I go to is familiar with AvPD because I've had therapists before who treated it as social phobia and that only made things worse.

When I do a search for therapist specialized in personality disorders, I end up with mostly therapists not covered by insurance, and I can't afford to pay for it myself. . .

I live in the USA and have had a terrible time trying to find a therapist who could help me even after somebody finally diagnosed Personality Disorder Not Otherwise Specified.

My personal experience, and online research, is that therapists don't know how to help much with personality disorders. Can you point to some specific things in your life that you would like help with? As long as you and the therapist acknowledge the AvPD at the outset, then if you and the therapist aren't too focused on trying to change the AvPd itself, that might work out better? Maybe, too, you could just luck into a "good fit", whatever that may be. I haven't had much of a clue what that is because of my personality disorder. :-( But "they say" that's important, too.

In case you don't know, there is a subforum on the Personality Place forum here on PC for people with AvPD. They might have some ideas there, too.

[stopdog]

I looked for ones who were older than me women. Then I interviewed a lot of them and stayed with the two who were least objectionable. I still go interview new ones every so often.

I'd like to address the fact you are in Europe. The matter of finding a Therapist may not be your choice to make. In many countries with universal medicare, a therapist is selected for you based on a psychiatrist's/doctor's/clinic's referral.

My advice, regardless, is that your family doctor is the place to start. S/he will make a general assessment of your needs and refer you to a therapist (whether state or user pay) accordingly.

Check with your work benefits. Many employers today have what is called EAPs (Employee Assistance Plans). These are supportive - and confidential (including from your employer) - services that can put you in touch with help. Therapy is one such area they can assist you with.

I don't know where in Europe OP is, but in the UK, what you will be offered through the GP is often time limited and of limited use. If I had have gone down this route in my area I would have been offered six sessions with an assigned therapist which would have been wholly inadequate. That's not to say it isn't worth asking, but be prepared not to be offered much, and to potentially have a long waiting time to receive it.
Private fees in the UK are comparatively affordable out of pocket compared with the US (although this obviously depends on personal circumstances) and there are charities and organisations which offer copayment schemes which would be worth researching.
If OP is in the UK, I would personally start with the professional associations. BACP for example have a therapist search tool here Counselling and psychotherapy | BACP It's Good to Talk
If OP is elsewhere in Europe it is important to look into how the system works where you are, and what options are available for you locally.

[BreakForTheLight]

I am indeed in Europe but not in the UK. I have a fair grasp of how the system works - I am free to choose the therapist I want as long as they are registered with the insurance system. For some therapists not covered by insurance I could still get the money from them if I can prove I couldn't find another therapist with any spaces available and it's urgent (there are some long waiting lists). Unfortunately that would require a lot of phone calls to therapists in my area. I'd at least like to see a picture of someone and know how old they are but often even that basis information is missing.

My GP already told me she can't help me and I have to find a therapist myself.

I wonder how much the fees are in the UK now after reading the previous post? In my country they were around €100 for a 50 minute session. One session a week - €400 a month. I could manage if I gave up everything besides rent and food, no fun things at all..... But I don't t think that would be very beneficial for my mental health either.

I pay £40 for an hour, though this varies by area and London tends to be a bit more expensive (though £100 would still be quite a lot.) Very few people have health insurance here so I imagine that influences the way in which fees are set.
It's a shame the online info is so scant; it was important to me to see a pic of my T before I contacted him so I can imagine that's difficult for you. I wonder if it would be worth checking out websites or linkedin for the Ts on the list to try and find photos and more info?
I would still recommend email over phone if the thought of phoning around is stressful for you.