[LostOnTheTrail]

Hi, all.

I've had a bumpy ride since the end of October with my former counsellor. We finished our work on the 13th of this month, and I thought that would be the end of it. Yesterday, I received a feedback form...they're interested in my experience - 'whether positive or negative'. There were four separate incidents that nearly resulted in my walking out and never coming back, but I didn't feel able to complain. I've filled out the feedback form, and am currently struggling with whether to write a separate letter and attach it, or not.

Thoughts appreciated.

Thanks,

Lost

[Argonautomobile]

What would be the benefits of writing and sending a letter? What would be the negatives? Sorry it's been a bumpy ride. I hope things start to smooth out.

[LostOnTheTrail]

I'm starting with a new counsellor in January, so my work with P is done. I think writing a letter would give me a chance to speak my mind about my treatment, and would give me some kind of closure on the experience. On the other hand, there may be repercussions from it, and I'm not sure I'm strong enough at the moment to handle those. There's always the possibility of hurting her feelings, but she showed near complete disregard for mine. Despite my best efforts, it was evident that she failed to really comprehend the reason why I was there, or the effect that the situation had on me.

[Argonautomobile]

Sounds like some good reasons to do it. I wonder what the repercussions would be? Do you anticipate she'd try to contact you? Or do you mean legal repercussions?

[stopdog]

I would definitely write the letter

[ruh roh]

It may help prevent a similar experience with future clients of this therapist (not that it's your responsibility) for you to point out how badly she missed the mark. I'm certainly not a therapist or anything even close, but even I understood the impact of what you'd gone through (if I remember correctly, it was catfishing? or a version of catfishing?)

[LostOnTheTrail]

Originally Posted by ruh roh

It may help prevent a similar experience with future clients of this therapist (not that it's your responsibility) for you to point out how badly she missed the mark. I'm certainly not a therapist or anything even close, but even I understood the impact of what you'd gone through (if I remember correctly, it was catfishing? or a version of catfishing?)

stopdog - I doubt there would be legal repercussions, but I am concerned that she would try to contact me.

ruh roh - Thank you for remembering...that's exactly it. Online friend who feigned a three year battle with an eating disorder that ultimately took her life...now I'm discovering that it's highly unlikely that person ever existed.

[ruh roh]

Originally Posted by LostOnTheTrail

stopdog - I doubt there would be legal repercussions, but I am concerned that she would try to contact me.

ruh roh - Thank you for remembering...that's exactly it. Online friend who feigned a three year battle with an eating disorder that ultimately took her life...now I'm discovering that it's highly unlikely that person ever existed.

Oh good. Well, not good that you were catfished, but good that I didn't get that wrong. I would be devastated and all kinds of sick about something like that. I hope your next therapist is competent in that area. Honestly, it's shocking to me that a therapist today would not understand how that can affect someone.

[here today]

If you received a request for feedback "whether positive or negative" did they ask you to volunteer comments? If so, then a separate page describing the 4 incidents seems totally in line with their request of you. "Thank you so much for this information" would be the response if it were any other type of business asking for feedback.

I personally believe it's really needed in the therapy business. I get feedback requests all the time from airlines, my car service department, etc.

If they asked for information, then it's not a complaint. If she's not your counselor anymore then what kind of contact or interaction with her do you expect to have? What would be the point of her contacting you? Would you feel guilty about writing the truth about your experience, from your perspective?

I believe therapists desperately need this kind of feedback, and need to be able to receive this kind of feedback. I'm old and have had lots of bad and ineffective therapy and the society is depending on these people and too often, in my experience, they just don't "get it". So maybe this will help a little bit somehow?

[LostOnTheTrail]

Originally Posted by here today

If you received a request for feedback "whether positive or negative" did they ask you to volunteer comments? If so, then a separate page describing the 4 incidents seems totally in line with their request of you. "Thank you so much for this information" would be the response if it were any other type of business asking for feedback.

I personally believe it's really needed in the therapy business. I get feedback requests all the time from airlines, my car service department, etc.

If they asked for information, then it's not a complaint. If she's not your counselor anymore then what kind of contact or interaction with her do you expect to have? What would be the point of her contacting you? Would you feel guilty about writing the truth about your experience, from your perspective?

I believe therapists desperately need this kind of feedback, and need to be able to receive this kind of feedback. I'm old and have had lots of bad and ineffective therapy and the society is depending on these people and too often, in my experience, they just don't "get it". So maybe this will help a little bit somehow?

I am concerned that she would want to make amends for her inadequate provision. That said, she didn't apologise when I felt she'd overstepped the mark in session...she called into question the authenticity of another significant online relationship, and when I said 'Please, can we leave X out of this?' she made another comment a couple of minutes later.

I wouldn't necessarily feel guilty, but I am somewhat concerned about hurting her feelings.

'Is there anything else you would like to tell us about your experience of the service?' followed by two lines. Nowhere near enough room to go into everything that happened over those seven weeks.

I would definitely write it, it is fair and important to give honest feedback, and it's not a legal procedure. It sounds like this T hurt you, I don't think you need to be concerned about criticizing her and hurting her feelings. Also, if you are no longer seeing her, she can't force amends or explanations to you and you can just steer clear. I wrote a pretty critical online review on my old T that was quite incompetent and I actually saw that another client of his had a very similar experience.

[MBM17]

You could say in your letter that you don't want any further contact from the therapist. Maybe that would subdue your reservation.

I've never wanted to go back and tell my bad therapists how wrong they were, aside from two or so, but if I felt a need for closure like you do then I would go back. I've done that years later with a toxic friendship I ended, and it actually DID help.

[LostOnTheTrail]

I sent the form and the letter today. Feels weird, because of the tension between not wanting to cause a fuss, and at the same time wanting my voice to be heard.

[kecanoe]

I am glad you sent the letter. The t needed that feedback. And if t tries to contact you, you can just say that you don't wish to discuss it. Unless you do, of course. But I think you would be justified in asking for a face to face at no cost to you (if that is what you want).

It does hurt to get negative feedback, but that is the consequence of not doing good work. And the practice did ask for it.

[ruh roh]

Good for you. If she does contact you, I would let her know that's not appropriate. Or, simply not respond. It would be very concerning for a therapist do contact a client (especially a former client) in that way.