[AnxiousandAlive124]

I contacted a new T in the area about my erotic transference, asking if she is psychodynamic and a little bit about my situation.

[MBM17]

Has she responded? Are you still seeing the therapist you have erotic transference for?

[AnxiousandAlive124]

Originally Posted by MBM17

Has she responded? Are you still seeing the therapist you have erotic transference for?

Yes, I'm still seeing the one I have ET for...and the new woman did, she said something along the lines of asking if I plan to continue treatment with my current T and she's not sure what I meant when I asked if she can help process my feelings towards my therapist. And although developing feelings towards a therapist in a moment when someone is vulnerable during treatment is more common than what people think, it is not recommended to continue therapy with the same therapist.

Wtf?

[Elio]

it is not recommended to continue therapy with the same therapist.

In the little bit of time I have been here, I have read of situations working out fine and others working out poorly. I think it really comes down to the t's involved and your specific reasons why you are in therapy in the first place.

[AnxiousandAlive124]

Originally Posted by Elio

In the little bit of time I have been here, I have read of situations working out fine and others working out poorly. I think it really comes down to the t's involved and your specific reasons why you are in therapy in the first place.

Well wtf?! Lol, I'm in therapy for anxiety, you'd think they would accept such an admission, I've never tried to push the boundaries.

[Elio]

Maybe this new t won't be a good fit. What did she say when you said that you plan to continue with t1? Like will she work with you if you continue with t1?

[AnxiousandAlive124]

Originally Posted by Elio

Maybe this new t won't be a good fit. What did she say when you said that you plan to continue with t1? Like will she work with you if you continue with t1?

She has not responded yet today, the new woman.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by Elio

In the little bit of time I have been here, I have read of situations working out fine and others working out poorly. I think it really comes down to the t's involved and your specific reasons why you are in therapy in the first place.

From what I've read on here and my own experiences, I think it's mostly about the T and how comfortable they are dealing with transference.

Like my marriage counselor seems quite comfortable with it (and even thinks transference can be helpful to the therapy), so we (me, H, and MC) have been able to continue working together and also work on/through my transference issues. My individual T has been a little weird at times regarding my (much less intense) maternal transference for her. I think if my transference for her was as intense as mine for MC, then I don't know how well our therapy would be working. (There are still issues with her from time to time that I think are mostly from transference/countertransference.)

It's hard to say how your regular T would respond. But from what the new T you contacted said, maybe *she* wouldn't be comfortable dealing with transference? If she said the thing about how you shouldn't keep seeing a T. Did you ask her for more clarification of that?

[AnxiousandAlive124]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

From what I've read on here and my own experiences, I think it's mostly about the T and how comfortable they are dealing with transference.

Like my marriage counselor seems quite comfortable with it (and even thinks transference can be helpful to the therapy), so we (me, H, and MC) have been able to continue working together and also work on/through my transference issues. My individual T has been a little weird at times regarding my (much less intense) maternal transference for her. I think if my transference for her was as intense as mine for MC, then I don't know how well our therapy would be working. (There are still issues with her from time to time that I think are mostly from transference/countertransference.)

It's hard to say how your regular T would respond. But from what the new T you contacted said, maybe *she* wouldn't be comfortable dealing with transference? If she said the thing about how you shouldn't keep seeing a T. Did you ask her for more clarification of that?

Tried, Lonesome, she has yet to respond. Yeah, I didn't feel that was such a fuzzy response from new woman :/

[WrkNPrgress]

Originally Posted by AnxiousandAlive124

(...) And although developing feelings towards a therapist in a moment when someone is vulnerable during treatment is more common than what people think, it is not recommended to continue therapy with the same therapist.

Wait. I'm curious about this statement. Is this something the *new* potential T said to you?

In every article I'ver read on this subject, advising clients what to do about transference, the advice is almost always to at least attempt to talk it out and process these feelings with the therapist. A GOOD Therapist should handle it well and be able to listen without judgment.
You may not get the answer you would like, but it grounds you and 'talking it out' diffuses the shame and empowers the client to be honest about their own feelings.

Unless the target T isn't trustworthy for some other reason, in that case, you should seek someone else anyways.

[AnxiousandAlive124]

Originally Posted by WrkNPrgress

Wait. I'm curious about this statement. Is this something the *new* potential T said to you?

In every article I'ver read on this subject, advising clients what to do about transference, the advice is almost always to at least attempt to talk it out and process these feelings with the therapist. A GOOD Therapist should handle it well and be able to listen without judgment.
You may not get the answer you would like, but it grounds you and 'talking it out' diffuses the shame and empowers the client to be honest about their own feelings.

Unless the target T isn't trustworthy for some other reason, in that case, you should seek someone else anyways.

Yeah, that potential T said that, can you believe that? especially given my background, it's likely to happen with others too. And target T I'm guesswing you mean my current T?

[kecanoe]

I would keep looking. She seems clueless about transference. If she believes that you can't work thru transference with a t, then she sounds like she would dump you in the event that happened. That would send me running.

Well, it might be that she wants a new client and not compete with another T. I definitely would not like that response either.

[AnxiousandAlive124]

Originally Posted by kecanoe

I would keep looking. She seems clueless about transference. If she believes that you can't work thru transference with a t, then she sounds like she would dump you in the event that happened. That would send me running.

That was exactly my thought. She'd dump me if it happened with her. If she can't even help me work through normal feelings for another therapist, how the hell can I feel I could even trust her to be honest with my feelings and to accept them. This new one sounds like a no-no to me.

I had to find a T I was 100% sure could handle my transference, should it develop. We spent a long time working through transference for T1, then lo and behold, the transference has transferred to current T. My T is pretty comfortable with it and happy for me to work through it. I think you ought to keep looking too. good luck.

[AnxiousandAlive124]

Originally Posted by Echos Myron

I had to find a T I was 100% sure could handle my transference, should it develop. We spent a long time working through transference for T1, then lo and behold, the transference has transferred to current T. My T is pretty comfortable with it and happy for me to work through it. I think you ought to keep looking too. good luck.

Echos, is it not recommended that you work through transference with the same T you are having it for?? I've only seen one T, so I don't really know the standard when this happens, and yes potential T's remark made me feel almost like it was something that shouldn't be talked about, possibly shamed. :/

Yes it is often very worthwhile to work through transference with the therapist you feel it toward. That's what I'm doing now.
However with my first therapist it was impossible because he denied the concept of transference and cut me off whenever I tried to discuss it. My suspicion that he was uncomfortable due to his own unresolved countertransference, rather than theoretical reasons, was later confirmed to me through his actions.
So yes, so long as you have a competent therapist whose modality values the usefulness of transference one can gain a lot by working through it within the relationship.
I suspect your potential T is uncomfortable with it, and since it is likely to occur again, I would look for someone who is comfortable with transference.

[Elio]

Originally Posted by Echos Myron

So yes, so long as you have a competent therapist whose modality values the usefulness of transference one can gain a lot by working through it within the relationship.

What does working through it within the relationship look like? I feel I am doing that with my t but sometimes I wonder how much she is working with me about it verse just letting me ramble about what it feels like from my side. There has been no judgment and she has been completely open to hearing about it, I guess I am wondering if more should be happening?

[AnxiousandAlive124]

So that potential therapist who didn't seem comfortable with transference emailed me back today saying, "the issue that I see with your request is that any therapist will tell you that it is not ethically correct to work with you and then have you return to do treatment with the same person you are having these feelings with. I encourage you to be open and honest with your therapist about your feelings. The right thing to do will be to refer you to another person. Then you can address this situation with a new therapist especially if you are aware that this is something repetitive." ????????????????? grade A ***** if you ask me

[AnxiousandAlive124]

Doesn't even understand concept of transference