[Fuzzybear]

"You've always been alone"

(I've been married for quite some time..)

"Your anxiety is destructive to the therapy"

Am I "just" hypersensitive or would these comments grate on you too? Would you think this therapist is trustworthy?

Has anyone else consulted a therapist who seemed supportive for a couple of years, who encouraged "transference" and then turned...less than supportive and using "plain speaking" or was it meanness...and not on just a few occasions?

I'm not sure how I could trust a therapist now...

I suppose I'm "wiser" now and can spot red flags and tell a sub optimal therapist to **** off..

(This is not about anyone on pc)

Just guessing since I don't know the context:

"You've always been alone" - was the therapist speaking of aloneness figuratively. In other words, is the therapist acknowledging you are alone in your struggles despite having people around you? Or was this in a different context?

On the anxiety comment, again, not really familiar with the context. Generalized anxiety? or anxiety about therapy? Or something else? Can you elaborate?

I can imagine my therapist being that direct with me. That's just the way we interacted. That didn't mean it might not have bothered me, but in my case, I might would see the reality in a direct statement like that maybe (again, not sure of the context).

But you seem to be saying this kind of "plain speaking" is a change from how the therapist used to work with you. Have you discussed how it feels different now from what it used to be? It might be an important conversation to have, particularly since you receive that kind of interaction as unsupportive and mean. That may not be at all what your therapist is intending, but if that is how you perceive it, that disparity is worth discussing.

Not sure I'm at all on target though since I don't really know your backstory.

[AllHeart]

I don't think you are being hypersensitive to such comments. My t has been pulling the same kind of crap lately with me, too, and it ticks me off. In my case, she makes shaming comments after she herself has done something wrong/unprofessional. She usually blames my child parts for being needy or something. It's total bs. It happened again a few days ago so I am hoping to confront her on it tomorrow. She needs to knock it off.

I sometimes think t's make such remarks because they know they are "failing" us, on some level. Then they kinda take it out on us. I don't know. But, I do relate. It sucks and it's hurtful.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by AllHeart

I don't think you are being hypersensitive to such comments. My t has been pulling the same kind of crap lately with me, too, and it ticks me off. In my case, she makes shaming comments after she herself has done something wrong/unprofessional. She usually blames my child parts for being needy or something. It's total bs. It happened again a few days ago so I am hoping to confront her on it tomorrow. She needs to knock it off.

I sometimes think t's make such remarks because they know they are "failing" us, on some level. Then they kinda take it out on us. I don't know. But, I do relate. It sucks and it's hurtful.

I agree with this... this t blamed me for being "needy" as a child. Ugh...

I do think if the T knows on some level they are "failing" us, they can take it out on us. Supervision can help the T not to be so hurtful... but there is often a
cloak of secrecy around what goes on. . I hope your T does knock it off - if she doesn't, I would dump her. I don't know how long you've been working with her for. It sucks when therapists use this sort of "technique"

[Argonautomobile]

Hard to know out of context. But if they grate on you, they grate on you. Nothing's wrong with that. I think "You" statements are often likely to grate on people. My T doesn't use very many of them.

Good luck with everything.

[Lost_in_the_woods]

(((Hugs)))
I can relate
Once had a T for over 5 yrs who was almost like a surrogate mother to me, all of a sudden go from the kind and warm and understanding to harshly judgemental of my life. Nobody is perfect but her words cut me deeply and I came into office crying uncontrollably because she was terminating our sessions bc she felt she could no longer help us...So hurt and waited crying to talk with her and she came out and berated us for crying in the building on the way up because it was a private practice in a private mixed office building.."Not The Mental Health Clinic and may be that's where we should be since we clearly could not keep our composure in this quiet setting"...we weren't wailing like,crazy ppl we were just clearly distraught and could not hide it. I made peace with this as it was just time for us to both move on. She was a great T for 5 yrs and we'll guess it was just time...
But it still stings a bit talking about it here.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Lost_in_the_woods

(((Hugs)))
I can relate
Once had a T for over 5 yrs who was almost like a surrogate mother to me, all of a sudden go from the kind and warm and understanding to harshly judgemental of my life. Nobody is perfect but her words cut me deeply and I came into office crying uncontrollably because she was terminating our sessions bc she felt she could no longer help us...So hurt and waited crying to talk with her and she came out and berated us for crying in the building on the way up because it was a private practice in a private mixed office building.."Not The Mental Health Clinic and may be that's where we should be since we clearly could not keep our composure in this quiet setting"...we weren't wailing like,crazy ppl we were just clearly distraught and could not hide it. I made peace with this as it was just time for us to both move on. She was a great T for 5 yrs and we'll guess it was just time...
But it still stings a bit talking about it here.

that sucks . I suppose sometimes they can no longer help us - there are quite a few similarities with this t and the sudden turn, it really does hurt ((((( hugs )))))

[stopdog]

No - I would think a therapist who said such things was 1 - wrong and 2 - an idiot. I do not consider such things "direct."

"waited crying to talk with her and she came out and berated us for crying in the building on the way up because it was a private practice in a private mixed office building.."
This made me think of Dr. Strangelove.
"Gentlemen. You can't fight in here. This is the War Room"

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by stopdog

No - I would think a therapist who said such things was 1 - wrong and 2 - an idiot. I do not consider such things "direct."

I definitely think he was wrong in many of the things he said, and I can't disagree that he was an "idiot" - so many harsh and untrue comments are never "justified"

And - I thought they were supposed to help with anxiety duh.

Maybe he thought my bear fur was "destructive to the therapy" as well

[ruh roh]

None of what you have described sounds one bit helpful.

[BudFox]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

"Your anxiety is destructive to the therapy"

Damn clients and their problems, always getting in the way of the therapy.