[Elio]

Question to the group: Should I reach out to t and initiate a handshake when she comes out to get me, initiate once in office, talk about some more, wait for her to initiate (which might be never)?

History: About 3 weeks ago I got very angry with t and in the middle of a ranting, tantrum email, that was not sent, it became clear that the lack of touch (we have never touched, not once, not when we first met, not a handshake...nothing) was causing some internal issues for me. I am ok with casual touch as a person, so a handshake, high five, fist bump, hugs...are all good with me.

The day after writing the email, I told her the desire for touch. Over the weeks we've clarified that it is just the freedom to have spontaneous touch that I want in the relationship. She has questioned if there is even a rule of no touch for us and is open to it. At the end of last session, I gave her the original email and I read to her my journal entry of how I found myself in a similar pattern around the touch and the anger of the last several weeks...this pattern is where I walk away from the wanted item because wanting it has caused "too much" for me. I told her I was fighting the internal voices of never bringing it up again and of not wanting it.

I want to push through this, I want to initiate something today, I am terrified to initiate, to risk it....at the same time there is a level of wondering if the consent it still there after the new information was provided around touch. So, I don't know if I should just go for it or if I should again ask her if she is ok with it before I initiate it (thus maybe making it even more awkward than it has already gotten).

Advice???

[LonesomeTonight]

If what you desire is spontaneous touch, then I'd say not to plan it. I'd suggest talking about it a bit more in session, like finding out what she's OK with. If she's like, "A handshake would be OK," then you wouldn't have to be as concerned about rejection. Then maybe try a handshake at the end of the session? Then if that feels OK, maybe make it a regular thing, like every time you leave session?

[unaluna]

Use your words.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I would talk about it once more. Then if you both agree on the first type of touch, do it. Don't wait for it to be spontaneous. Someones is going to have to put effort into making that first contact. It might be awkward, but that's okay. Then over time, it should get less awkward.

My T and I hug after every session. The first hug was awkward. Almost embarrassing even. But now it's so natural for the both of us. We stand up, hug, and then say our goodbyes.

I touched T's arm once,real quick,like for just a couple seconds, as I was standing behind him when he was on his computer.He turned and looked at me but didn't react at all,didn't even acknowledge what I had done.

It was enough for me.I never longed to touch him again.

[scorpiosis37]

For something as casual as a handshake, I think it would be okay to just extend your hand and go for it. Or say "I thought I'd begin with a handshake today." For something more intimate, I think you would need to discuss it first. But I don't see rejection being an issue with a handshake.