breakthrough on the 'little girl'

My therapist has referenced this concept in passing before. The last time she had to soothe me she mentioned it saying directly, "you need a Mom" . We've done deep breathing and body virtualization session where she asked me to picture 'that little girl' inside and "ask her what she needs." I've seen others talk about it here but I could never really get there. It felt more like going through the motions. I understood the concept on an intellectual level but didn't feel like it was a thing for me.

Then something happened last session. I needed to cry so bad and couldn't get it out. So my T held me and basically guided me to cry on her shoulder and I bawled for a while.

What allowed me to let go was seeing My Grandmother there as a kid and her holding me. All it took was a good hug and cry on the shoulder and I finally could feel that little girl, in that moment.

BUT the biggest breakthrough for me was realizing how much my Grandmother represented my comfort zone when I was very young. She was the soft safe place for me but in reality, that comfort figure was not always consistent and was also a source of internalized judgements and fear of punishment.

That same comfort figure was critical of my Mother and emotionally distant with her. That same person also made me fearful and mistrusting in very low-level and unconscious ways.

This also explains so much for me about the past relationships I've had. Relationships that I clung to despite them making me feel like crap.

I'm having so many thoughts on this.. I need to go an journal. I just wanted to share a bit here though.

Thats whats its like for me. Bits and pieces are true, but they are not all from the same story or picture or angle?