[OliverB]

My psychotherapist is also my psychiatrist. He wants to focus more on therapy rather than medication, but because of the complex trauma, chronic stress, schizophrenia and dissmisive attachment I am having troubles when it's not about talking about medication.

I am making changes, and want to talk more to him about 'therapeutic' stuff...

But I don't know exactly how to begin...

Do I tell him my plan for the near future? that's was all I was thinking on, but it's too thecnical, no feelings, do I have to tell him what I feel about my future?

I am really bad at disclosing myself.

Anyhelp or idea on how to do it? I can write it down and ask him to read it... but I don't know exactly how to begin or how to talk about feelings, what do I have to ask myself?

[Justbyou]

I have a really hard time talking about my feelings too. I have had several therapists and the ones I’ve worked best with are the ones who ask me questions and try to pull stuff out of me. If left freely just for me to talk I don’t typically say a whole lot. Not sure exactly what my fear is about speaking how I feel. Writing your feelings out may help. Maybe instead of having him read it could you read it out loud to him?

Good for you for the changes you’re making and the desire to open up more.

Would it help to set up an agenda for each session?

[OliverB]

I think I will try both things you have said.

[Elio]

I started out with the agenda and writing things out and having her read them. Now, I still have a written agenda that I may or may not follow and I read more to her than what I hand to her to read.

I also journal and give her about 90% of the journal to read between sessions. Often times we talk about the stuff in the journal but not all of it.

One time I took in a massage ball and passed it back and forth and spun it in my hands when I knew I was going to be talking about a hard topic for me. That helped keep me from disassociating.

[OliverB]

I have made some kind of agenda about things to tell him (read) and things for him to read.

I have planned it a bit...

[ruh roh]

Is this someone you feel comfortable with? If so, maybe try to find a back door to feelings by talking about something outside yourself that evokes similar feelings to what's going on inside, but is somewhat safer because of the distance. For example, if you do anything creatively--art, writing, sculpture--bringing that in and talking about it might be a doorway. There was one piece of sculpture I brought in and my therapist keeps for me until I can look at it and talk about what it evokes. I've brought in other pieces that I can talk about, even if it's just around the edges.

What you're looking for is a small entry point. Doesn't have to be big.