Before I found out about my adoptive mothers death, well all my life, I've fantasised about my birth mother. As a child I use to imagine her come knocking on my door for me, or that she'd be sitting in a car waiting for me.
In recent years I found out I had lots of siblings that were adopted out too, and I wanted to find them too.
I'd spend hrs Internet searching.
Now? Sine my adoptive mothers death? It's like all that wanting, desiring died too.
T said, it may come back, but it maybe that your bits mothers value has gone now. Whilst growing up you could always imagine her as being different to what your adoptive mother was to you. You could put the values into her that you wished your adoptive mother held toward you and didn't.

That "different to" hit the nail in the head. That was what a big part of it was. Now my mother's dad. There's no need for it and my desires to know her have gone. It's more a car of life was what it was. No living in a parallel universe.

[Skeezyks]