[growlycat]

This is the only place I can think of to explore this topic.

I'm having and have had in the past thoughts about my t's that I feel badly about.

With my former t, I felt bad about wondering if his hair was real, implants or a toupee. He was so good to me really why would this nag at me?

Even worse with "Kashi" I have two. Maybe three. One I've mentioned before is feeling guilty that I see him as gay or bi when he has been married to a woman for years. Some new worries and nagging thoughts include worrying if he would ever relapse into addiction while treating me. He has a longstanding medical issue that once in a blue moon makes it hard for him to walk.

My latest bad thought is that I worry that he not only isn't as smart as my two previous therapists but I may actually be a tad brighter by a hair. What a horrible thing to say or think. I needed to put this somewhere.

My current nd recent t's have all been wonderful. These thoughts creep in and I can't shake them. These thoughts seem unkind of me.

Anyone relate to guilty thoughts about your t?

[stopdog]

No - I don't mind having such thoughts.

[growlycat]

Thanks stopdog. I could use your virtue of assuredness. Truly a lost art and I say that sincerely

[atisketatasket]

I think what all these have in common is a concern that your therapist may not be the person he seems to be.

On the only one I've experienced, if we define brightness as breadth of knowledge or IQ or quickness of thought or depth of perception, I have been brighter than all of my therapists. But they have their areas of expertise and I have mine. So unless he is actually dumb as a rock I wouldn't see that as an issue.

[ruh roh]

Originally Posted by growlycat

This is the only place I can think of to explore this topic.

I'm having and have had in the past thoughts about my t's that I feel badly about.

With my former t, I felt bad about wondering if his hair was real, implants or a toupee. He was so good to me really why would this nag at me?

Even worse with "Kashi" I have two. Maybe three. One I've mentioned before is feeling guilty that I see him as gay or bi when he has been married to a woman for years. Some new worries and nagging thoughts include worrying if he would ever relapse into addiction while treating me. He has a longstanding medical issue that once in a blue moon makes it hard for him to walk.

My latest bad thought is that I worry that he not only isn't as smart as my two previous therapists but I may actually be a tad brighter by a hair. What a horrible thing to say or think. I needed to put this somewhere.

My current nd recent t's have all been wonderful. These thoughts creep in and I can't shake them. These thoughts seem unkind of me.

Anyone relate to guilty thoughts about your t?

I can relate. With my last therapist, I thought she was desperate for financial security which is why she got married. I had seen him because was part of her practice in a weird kind of way (not a therapist) and I couldn't figure out another reason in the world why someone would marry him. I think now, years later, that she actually loved him. But at the time it was hard to have respect for her because I struggled with these thoughts that she was desperate for a relationship.

Let's see...with another, I worried that she couldn't move and it concerned me that she didn't seem to take care of her health. I don't actually feel badly about those thoughts, though.

With the first one I saw, I worried that she wasn't very smart. And it turned out that she wasn't, at least not in the way I needed her to be, because she was always reading a new psychology book it seemed and changing her approach. Okay....so maybe it was just a poor career choice for her. She quit the profession a year after I walked out.

I don't have the problem of putting a therapist on a pedestal and thinking their lives are perfect. It's more like, I wonder what are they not sharing that would scare me to know?

[growlycat]

I am constantly vigilant about what they are not sharing ruh roh!

And AtAt thank you for seeing the common denominator that I missed!

Lol, its ok Growlycat!

It's good to get in touch with and eventually accept your 'dark' side. People who only have positive thoughts kind of scare me...

Anyway, yes, I've had some about my therapist. Very few. Lately, I've been having fleeting feelings of not needing him anymore, which makes me feel really guilty.

Not much in the critical department as he still seems like a giant teddy bear to me when I think of him...EXCEPT...One notable and negative, reoccuring, and (very) unpleasant thought is thinking he might be the 'player' type with women. When I have those thoughts, he reminds me of an ex bf.

I have no idea if it's transference or true or if it has just a grain of truth, but I hate thinking of him that way.

But...i say embrace the dark side!

balance is a good thing

[unaluna]

One of my issues is that my parents were not really capable of taking caring of. Too sexist, too old fashioned - stuff like that. Sounds trivial but really wasnt. So anyway, this showed up in transference all over the place - my bosses at work werent smart enough, and neither were my ts. So i would ask you to look at how much of that can be attributed to transference in your case?

I'm not sure why you're even bothered about those thoughts. They're not really that big a deal. What we think and what we do are 2 different things.
Even imagining killing T isn't a big deal.
I'd ah it's more a case of ocd thinking.

I had the same thought when i irst saw my T we were talking about my drug habits and he did something which indicated he knew more about it than he let on. I still think about it 6 years later and wonder.

[SummerTime12]

Originally Posted by _Mouse

I'd ah it's more a case of ocd thinking.

This is what I was thinking too, just because of how much it's bothering you and that you can't shake the thoughts. I don't think those thoughts are anything you should feel guilty for they are just natural perceptions based on what you've observed, and they aren't hurting anyone

[Erebos]

I always think my best therapists aren't academically or intellectually super bright.
Nor would I want them to be.
Therapy requires,instinct, empathy , fluid and mutable thinking.
Something highly intelligent and academically oriented people often struggle with.
It seems common that you can either have book smarts or common sense bit rarely both, as they require entirely different brain types.
I want my T t spot the things I can't. So long as that's what's happening, it's all good.
As for sexuality, makes zero difference, what he is. It's none of my business, neither are his relationship choices.

The worry that your T might relapse, is a fair concern given your background growly. So the question is do you trust him? Because it's not if he relapses it's do you trust him to make the right choices if he did.?

As to your guilt for thinking this stuff,I don't think it's necessary at all, these are thoughts everyone has, often just upon meeting someone. It's interesting to be able to look at what drives them and determination the reasons and how to work through it.
I guess that's what transference is all about.

[rainbow8]

I've been up for 2 hours feeling triggered and guilty for having bad thoughts about T saying "I love my partner." It does seem like kind of OCD ish. I don't think you should feel guilty. Neither should I. It doesn't help the situation. If your thoughts interfere with your therapy, that's different. Otherwise, just try to accept that you and your Ts are human, with good and bad qualities. I need to take my own advice, LOL!

[lucozader]

I don't think you should feel at all guilty about any of those thoughts. I know that's easier said than done though...

I've had many thoughts and speculations about my therapists and no guilt about them at all. They are just fantasies, like any other. It's more interesting for me to think about the actual content of these thoughts, and why they come up at all. For me, a lot of it is sheer curiosity but when I worry about things, it can indicate something more meaningful. Funny how the thoughts of the T not being intelligent enough (whatever that means) to match certain standards come up for a few people... I had those about my first T, too. It was significant for me because it ended up being part of my losing respect for him in the end (so it was actually true, at least in a sense that he did not meet my expectations in that area).

There was a recent thread about making assumptions about therapists that turn out wrong, I think those are similar. And some turn out correct.

I think it's completely normal to wonder what's behind the appearances. After all, at least in part, isn't that why many of us go to therapy in the first place, to explore that about ourselves? Having sometimes just a vague sense that something is not right about ourselves or that there is more. Why wouldn't we wonder similar things about the therapist? I do about many people in my life. Often what triggers it is perceiving seemingly conflicting pieces of information and the idea follows that something seems off. Again, I think they are just thoughts. They don't make one a bad person or something.

[stopdog]

I am wondering why the thoughts bother you? Why do you feel guilty about them?
Does it feel disloyal? Ungrateful? Do you know?

[growlycat]

Yes I believe I feel disloyal and ungrateful. When it comes to appearances I feel like a hypocrite too because I am not perfect in that area. With Sparky's hair so what if he wore a toupee? I dye my hair all of the time isn't that equally deceptive?

I also end up feeling that t's outright lie or misrepresent themselves.

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by growlycat

Yes I believe I feel disloyal and ungrateful. When it comes to appearances I feel like a hypocrite too because I am not perfect in that area. With Sparky's hair so what if he wore a toupee? I dye my hair all of the time isn't that equally deceptive?

I also end up feeling that t's outright lie or misrepresent themselves.

I think I understand what you're saying, but one could also interpret the toupee and the hair dye not as deception but as an attempt to make one feel better about oneself.

I color my hair, I wear makeup, I seek out flattering clothes, I exercise so I look fit, I smile when I don't feel like it, all of which makes me more self-confident and able to function better.

Follow your train of thought to its logical conclusion and everyone is deceptive in one way or another. So no one can be trusted. I'm not sure that's the conclusion we want to draw.

Thoughts are thoughts. We all have some wild ones even from time to time, but unless we are doing something with those thoughts that is actually creating a problem for ourselves or someone else, then they're just thoughts. I kind of agree with others who have mentioned the problem here is more the OCDness and/or guilt about the thoughts than the thoughts themselves.

[objectclient]

I've had similar thoughts and used to obsess about what an awful person I must be for having said thoughts. My perception of Ts could be dramatically altered by these thoughts. One week, T is a stranger, the next week T is (disappointingly) a normal human being with flaws, the week after T is a perfect human being with a perfect life.

All I can say is from the amount of people that have commented here, it must be normal! I struggle with intrusive thoughts anyway and have found it helpful not to follow through with the over-analyzing, as in if I have said thought, my natural reaction would be to keep replaying it in my mind to check if this is something I really believe. Each time, to my horror the answer would come back as yes anyway, confirming my worst fears and then I would feel guilt, shame and hate myself for having said thought. Nowadays, I find it helpful to just accept all thoughts for what they are, however terrible, and it helps me move away from them other than being stuck in the cycle of negative thoughts, obsessing, and then feeling guilty.

Your thoughts about your T seem pretty natural to me anyway, just demonstrating normal human curiosity. It doesn't help that in a therapy relationship, the client is not at liberty to ask questions which means the curiosity lingers and you cannot gain closure/satisfaction by means of getting an answer.

[thesnowqueen]

No such thing as a thought crime!

If you're still exploring this issue, i was thinking how you were framing this as negative or bad thoughts, but do you think there is an element of fear of deception?

After reading ATATs response, i recalled having conversatipns with my therapist about fearing he will change, like turn into a monster. These fears were triggered by worries of deception. I just cant remember the details, but i remember it was behaviors as opposed to qualities) amd that it has a whole diffetent vibe than 'negative' thoughts.

In thinking about the hair thing too, was wondering if thats an issue with you.

[growlycat]

Originally Posted by Skies

You werr framing this as negative or bad thoughts, but do you think there is an element of fear of deception?

After readong ATATs response, i recalled having conversatipns with my therapist about fearing he will change, like turn into a monster. These fears were triggered by worries of deception. I just cant remember the details but it has a whole diffetent vibe than negstive thoughts.

In thinking about the hair thing too, was wondering if thats an issue with you.

Yes I'm pretty sure part of this is my fear of being deceived. That trustworthy people turn untrustworthy.

I have a little self consciousness about going grayer. But I've been playing with my hair color since my twenties. Maybe my last t seemed a little too perfect and I was looking for evidence otherwise? IDK

You have an unconscious fear of going bald!

(just playing)

[growlycat]

Originally Posted by Skies

You have an unconscious fear of going bald!

(just playing)

Idk maybe?