[retro_chic]

Have any of you ever told your therapist you love them? Not in a romantic or sexual way but more like the love you feel for a best friend or something. I feel this way about my T but I am hesitant to tell her. I have already brought up the issue of maternal transference and how I see her as an idealised mother figure so I guess these feelings wouldn't come as a total surprise.

I had an incident yesterday where my mother totally invalidated my feelings. She pretty much made fun of my tears and said that crying wasn't going to help anybody and that we need to be strong for everyone. I was insulted, hurt and angry. I just kept thinking how T would never do this to me and how "perfect" T is (I know she can't be perfect but she seems that way to me). I keep thinking about how much I love T and wish she was my mother/would take care of me.

So...for those of you who have told their T they love them, what was their reaction?

[Elio]

Yes, I've told her a couple of times in journal and one time I read it out of my journal. She has pretty much accepted it and talked around it. The time I read it to her.. later in that session she said that she cared a lot about me.

The last time I told her in my journal, there was lots of anger around it, anger about feeling like I couldn't tell her or shouldn't tell her. We haven't talked about that yet.

I have lots of maternal transference with my t. She accepts it and is willing to talk about it if I bring it up as a topic. Mostly we talk about where I think it is coming from than it directly... I don't usually get it figured out until a few weeks after a fantasy that involves the maternal transference.

My love for t used to be much more "pure", "innocent", and over flowing out of me. I didn't think and don't think she is perfect. I do think that love was what one has for the "perfect" parent. Now, the love has shifted some. I've struggled with describing how it is different. I just feels different, "more mature" has been the only way I have come up with describing it.

Yes, I've said "The young part of me loves you", that I've erotic transference and when she asked me to clarify, I said I had dreamt of kissing her, I've said "I love you. As my therapist."

She's always said "thank you" to the "I love you"s.

[growlycat]

With long term t I told him I loved him and he said the same to me many times. Nothing romantic just a strong connection.

With ca t sparky, I told him he was important to me and I in the end admitted having a crush on him. He said early on that he cared about me. Love the word itself never came up.

I told newish t Kashi today that although I have only known him a few months that I am already fond of him. Too early for the l word but there is a warmth and mutual understanding between us.

[junkDNA]

I've told him 4 or so times. The first time he told me it was normal, and he was touched. He's also said that this is what a healthy parent relationship looks like. He tells me there's nothing wrong with me loving him. I did clarify that it was not romantic or sexual.

[MobiusPsyche]

I've told my T that I love her. This was after about 18 months working together. She has said (before and since) that she cares deeply for me.

My t and I say i love you to each other all the time. not every time we talk, but nearly.

[captgut]

I think i'll never tell... there is nothing romantic or sexual, but i can't

well i'm sure he knows it anyway

[retro_chic]

Thank you everyone for your replies! It has been helpful to learn others have gone through this and it was well received by their T. I'm going to bring this up next session with T and see how it goes. I was already planning on telling T about this "fantasy" I have of her taking care of me like a mother would care for a young child when they're sick so I think that the "I love you" thing would fit right into that topic. I'm super embarrassed about telling T these things but it needs to be done.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I told my T I love her just 3 weeks ago. It went well. I told her in an email. She thanked me for sharing my feelings and said she was glad she gave me a safe place to have them. I asked her if everything was okay between us and she said yes. We talked about it the next session and said my feelings were normal for being in a caring relationship. She reassured me again that everything was okay.

I think you should try expressing your feelings to your T. Since she already knows about the transference, love isn't a big leap. It gives me peace of mind and a feeling of acceptance now that she knows. I think you might feel the same if your T accepts your feelings, which it sounds like she would.

[retro_chic]

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

I told my T I love her just 3 weeks ago. It went well. I told her in an email. She thanked me for sharing my feelings and said she was glad she gave me a safe place to have them. I asked her if everything was okay between us and she said yes. We talked about it the next session and said my feelings were normal for being in a caring relationship. She reassured me again that everything was okay.

I think you should try expressing your feelings to your T. Since she already knows about the transference, love isn't a big leap. It gives me peace of mind and a feeling of acceptance now that she knows. I think you might feel the same if your T accepts your feelings, which it sounds like she would.

Thanks for your reply! I'm pretty sure my T will be accepting of my feelings which is a good sign that I'm beginning to trust her more. Hopefully talking about will help to slowly reduce the intensity of these feelings and I can start looking outside the therapeutic relationship for meaningful connections.