Long term therapy

For those in long or even very long term therapy like me, how has your therapy changed over time? Do you still feel it is effective? Do you ever see an end date? How do you know when you are done?

I'm not sure how to define long term therapy. Two or three years or more? In my case it has been 20 yrs spanning several therapists.

I have more to work on but it is starting to be more concrete practical things like my driving phobia (I drive now but highways vex me). I worry that I keep doing therapy because I can't replicate the emotional needs getting met outside of therapy. My relationships outside of therapy seem superficial at best.

Would love to hear from anyone. You are free to criticize me and the way I do therapy but I'd prefer all sides join in the conversation

Part of my issue is that I went from a very goal oriented therapist to a very laid back t. I like my t but worry my therapy won't go anywhere I know I plan on talking to him about this too

It is calmer now with the first one- but that is because I don't often let her talk and I restrict what I talk about to two topics I know she can't **** up. I think she is about to retire completely so that will take care of it.
I have never done goal oriented therapy nor had any interest in it -except for one horrible awful and damaging bit of cbt that I will never ever try again-so I don't know what it would be like.
I have pretty much stopped with the second one I think. I just sort of stopped due to my teaching schedule changing.

I have been with my t for 6 years and every now and then I seriously wonder if I am wasting my time as my t is very laid back , but I have realised in the last 6 months he hasn't been twiddling his thumbs but has a solid but flexible plan.

Did you ask what his plan was? Did he tell you?

Things changed over time for me with regular T but there were major changes and losses in my life too. Kashi sounds like a T you could talk to about though ? I was just talking to my EMDR T today about the similar approach he has that make it a bit easier to make things real , tangible and human. My T is transparent and self discloses - he says that's the way he does therapy , that he's not God and wants his clients to see him as human.

Yes I do plan on asking Kashi these questions when I see him Saturday. I'm adjusting to the difference in style between sparky t and Kashi t

Maybe I'm unnerved because Kashi has been the most open of any t I've had about being flawed. He's an addict but decades into recovery. He has struggled with depression and phobias. He seems more like someone like me. He authority comes more from life experience than his degree So I respect that but at the same time wondering if he can help me.

My therapy started 21 years ago. It's been on and off and has spanned 8 Ts. My longest time with a T was a total of 3 years.

I think, for me, therapy will always be a part of my life. I won't need it weekly, but I'll need it on and off.

Therapy has changed for me. At first it was just talking, getting used to actual therapy. Then it was dealing with my past. Then it was working on specific issues. Now it's gone full circle and we're back to just talking about weekly issues.

I don't feel I'm ready to let go of therapy, but I will be trying it out in a few months. I'm scared. My T is my main mental health support. I don't know what I'm going to do for those two months in between seeing her. Luckily, I'll still have email. Still, it will be hard without her. But I guess it's time. I've processed my past, I've learned the skills, and now it's time to see if I can survive on my own. And having my T be there on the side-lines in case anything happens is a plus.

I have been seeing my current T for about 6 years now.
I was worried that I had been seeing her for too long.
When I told her this she told me that she was really proud of how far I had come and that there is no time limit on how long I could see her.
I burst into tears when she told me that, it made me feel that I was doing the right thing.

My t believes in giving people space and with me it was to build up a rapport and gain trust of the others. He said something about getting to know the parts deliberately and slowly.

For me, I no longer taking burning issues to each session.
I no longer dissociate. I feel my feelings and manage them.
Our unconscious has no limit to it, so it's up to you how far you want to go.
I love delving into the unconscious so I still enjoy what my therapy can give me.
I still have issues around the relationship with T. I dip in and out of that.
I've no doubts I could manage fine without therapy now. But the difference is, it was a life saving tool when I entered, now it's a free choice I make to remain. Because of what I've said here.
I see others that still act out their unconscious and I do not want a life like that. I want to explore and understand.
T remarked that I like the back & forth between us. I do.

Benchmarks! Take 'em! A friend called me yesterday to invite me for dinner and i just. Said. Yes. I think i used to be normal like that before, but stg happened along the way. Anyway, looks like im back.

I was in regular therapy for about two years in total and started quite late in life (at 40). In the beginning and for a while I was so into it that assumed I would be (would want to be!) in therapy for the rest of my life. Did not turn out to be the case. I worked with a psychoanalyst first and then an eclectic T, mostly psychodynamic but with strong practical elements to his thinking and approach. What I experienced over time, with both T's, was that I did not feel very comfortable going to therapy just for the sake of it, just because I like the T or enjoy the interactions. I do tend to wander and drift a lot all over the map in therapy but in my mind and the way I want to apply it to my life, I really need to see goals and perspective. Specific things I am addressing even if it's in quite a free association style. Otherwise it either feels like aimless wandering or something akin to a friendship, that I could do with good friends for free and with much less limitation. My second, most recent therapy was very helpful with my goals (I had two main ones) but progressed into exactly that feeling, that after I felt okay with the progress I had made, the interactions between the T and I were more like friendly conversations. I still liked it a lot but was becoming increasingly uncomfortable paying $$ for it (and also the time and mental energy). So at first I decided to quit completely around last November, but then changed my mind and made a deal with the T that we can keep in touch whenever I want and I can have occasional sessions to address specific things. I had one such session so far and sometimes we email a bit. It was a bit weird for a little while not to go to weekly sessions but am very happy with this arrangement now and I think it is the right choice for me as I really do not feel I have any pressing issue I need or want to address in therapy right now. If I have in the future, I'll probably return as I did benefit from it... it's just a good feeling that I have that option with the T I liked so much. But I've learned from experience that I'll never be someone who will stay in therapy for many years, decades etc. I like my T very much but would not pay a professional just for attachment... I would feel that depriving and distracting from growing and exploring in my "ordinary" life. Just my experience so far.

Growly, I think it's a good idea to discuss your feelings and concerns with Kashi but I would just keep in mind that therapists are probably more likely to try to talk you into staying - it's their business. Maybe try to take a break and see how you get by if you don't feel you need to address specific things right now?

It's a tough call, growly. My current therapist seemed to me to be too directionless at times for the first year and a half or so, until things started to emerge with me and continue to unfold. Now, it's a little over 2 years and it's looking like she was just being patient and waiting for what she called a door or entry point (did not know that until it happened and she said we'd found my entry point or something like that). In the meantime, and even now, I've had a lot of life stresses to deal with, so it wasn't directionless in that sense. But on the deeper level, she wasn't going to direct things. I can see now that it makes sense to let them emerge. For me, it wouldn't have worked any other way, but it's taken a lot of time and risks to get to what now feels like the beginning.

Other than this therapist, the longest I saw anyone was about a year and a half. They all had things to do and suggest, which gave the appearance of a plan or direction, but it never got me anywhere and ended badly in a couple of cases.

I guess I'm saying that it's really hard to know if a therapist is just laid back and will always be that way or if they are being patient and will know what to do when the deeper stuff makes its way to the surface. Hopefully, Kashi can explain his approach more clearly to you.

eta: I don't know how long it will go. I will always need therapy, but my therapist will retire at some point. She once said she may keep working part-time and I could continue to see her, but I am afraid to count on that. It's too hard to think about, so I try not to.

i dont know of an explicit 'plan'

ive been with my T going on 7 years

the first 4 years were a huge rollercoaster. he even admitted that. he said it was a 'h-e-l-l of a ride!" i had just left my former T and was put in a treatment facility, which is where i met my current T.

so yeah, a large portion of our time together was basically just crisis stabilization. i dont see it as a waste, but nothing really productive was happening. i think it did show me that T is there for me, no matter what. and has my best interest at heart.

the past 2 or 3 years has been where the most growth has taken place. we have both left the facility and i see him outpatient now. i can see mile markers that are obvious, like my job and school. when i feel okay i can see the emotional and inner growth, too. but when i feel bad again, i tell myslf its always been this way and always will be. so i get discouraged by that.

i feel like kashi is open to discussing these things with you, but i know how scary it is to be more assertive, especially if you're not trying to rock the boat at all. i urge you to bring all these concerns up to him

I have been seeing T for about 8 Ish years so far. It has changed significantly over the years. Initially it was about building trust and being able to tell another person weekday was from my past and how it was significantly impacted my present. Then it was about just dealing with the fact that things happened in my life. There was always that feeling of not being good enough. Now we are dealing with how fears of abandonment and not being good enough are being triggered as my kids go off to college out of state. And realizing for many people I am good enough.

I have mentioned that it is taking me so long. What she told me was that so much happened during my child hood that I stuffed so deep and never had any help. I did get help until my late thirties so we have many years of deep rooted issues to untangle..and PTSD is something I may always need somebody there for me.

(just kept the questions)
I'd consider mine long term (5+ years now). Mine has definitely changed over time. Both physically, as in I saw her in person for a year, then did phone sessions for 2.5 years, now seeing her in person again for 1.5 years, and emotionally I guess - I guess I would say the emotional intensity has changed? Not sure that is right. (it's early!) the relationship between me and t has definitely evolved over time. We had one major rupture during the phone session time which I think strengthened the 'us' that I feel. And I'm starting to really find that 'us' inside of me, like as a place inside me that I can draw from. I do still feel it is effective, but lately (as I've been posting about) I've undergone another change - I've let go the fantasies I had about the relationship, the whole wanting it to be more thing, and that has changed how I see t, and has changed my attachment to her, etc and we are talking about that as an ongoing topic right now. I do for the first time ever see an ending coming with her. I'm taking it slowly though, because I want to be sure I'm not just running away from something I should work on, but instead moving forward into a life beyond therapy. How do you know when you are done? I wonder this too. I think for me, the answer is starting to form. I know that I will never be "done" with this work, no one ever is, but - I'm getting the feeling here lately that while the work itself is never done, there is going to come a time when I no longer need or wish to pay someone to help me do it - I've got the tools, this 'inner work' has become a part of who I am, I have a group of friends (my shamanic group) who are all doing their own 'inner workings' during our journey circles where I spend time and do a lot of good work and we support each other, and I do a lot of good workings-out here on PC too, etc. But even saying that, how do you know? I am still not sure... if I picture her office as a nest and me as a baby bird, getting ready to fly for the first time - in the past, I've tried to picture it that way and just see myself jumping off the edge of the nest and tumbling to the ground. Right now, in that image, I fly... and feel free and it's exhilarating and all but lonely too. So I'm getting ready to go, but I'm not quite there yet. I guess. I don't know how you know. Sorry for rambling.

I completed my long-term therapy about three years ago. I was in therapy with my last T for about 10 years, and it certainly changed in focus and purpose multiple times over those years. I went through phases of just surviving, to working through trauma, to working on coping skills, to working on relationship issues, etc. -- sometimes combinations of them all. But eventually I reached a point where I started seeing that those issues that had at one time really affected the quality of my life -- anxiety, depression, trauma, self-concept, etc. -- started resolving. I started recognizing that I was having fewer symptoms and that when I did have symptoms, I was actually using what I had learned about myself to work through them more independently rather than needing my therapist to walk me through them. I reached a point where I really didn't need my therapist to help me do what I could now do for myself, and that was when I knew it was time to end my therapy.

I've been in therapy 9 years but only 3.5 years with my current therapist, which is short for this thread!

You asked, "For those in long or even very long term therapy like me, how has your therapy changed over time? Do you still feel it is effective? Do you ever see an end date? How do you know when you are done?....."

I don't see an end date for my therapy. Bipolar doesn't go away. For most people, it doesn't even go into remission ever.

When I'm not in an episode, I absolutely ask myself, "What am I spending all this time and money to get here?" I ask my mom because she reminds me of why. "So we have him in our back pocket for when we need him." I maintain weekly appointments because my ultra-rapid cycling episodes are so unpredictable that I never know which weeks I'll need somewhere to go and be reminded that bipolar is huge, it's out of my control, I'm doing a great job, I need to just get through the moment and then the episode will end like they always do. He is excellent at talking and encouraging me through episodes, so yes my therapy is still effective and helpful.

On good weeks, I chat with him about what's going on in my life. He often has good suggestions. Or I bring out my list of "Things to Talk to T About - Shame" with old, old stuff I haven't told him about yet. I haven't run out of things yet.

I felt that it was useless in my case because my illness is endogenous.
I feel very tired, slow and numb; what sort of magical word or phrase could fix it?

Cabbage. My doctors assistant said that i felt better when i ate cabbage because it supported my thyroid, even tho my thyroid tests come back okay. Idk.