[laxer12]

Sometime in the next couple of weeks I'm going to ask my mom to come to one of my sessions so we can talk about what my life was like when I was really little and to tell her how I feel about my dad and some family issues.

I'm really nervous about it because I just feel like it's going to be awkward and I'm going to shut down. I'm not really sure what the conversation will look like with my T also being there. I'm not going to have the conversation unless I do it during a session so I know that it needs to happen, I'm just hesitant about it.

What's it like bringing someone else to therapy with you? Would it be weird if I asked my T if we can have my mom leave a little before our session is over so I have time with just my T to help decompress? What about having some secret signal with my T to tell her that I'm struggling or need her to take the lead in guiding the conversation?

I have a session tomorrow so I'll talk about this stuff with my T then but I'm not sure what is typically done when someone else joins a session.

[precaryous]

It wouldn't be weird. I've dealt with a few therapists that set the appointment up that way.

[ruh roh]

I did this twice, a year apart. I didn't want to give up my appointment, though, so I scheduled an extra one for the mom session each time. It doesn't sound like you have that option though, so I don't know what to suggest. I think it would feel weird to send the mom out and talk without her, but that's me. I know it takes something for her to show up and I don't want her to feel ganged up on.

During session, I did what I planned to do, which was to ask the mom for protection with a family matter. She didn't respond or acknowledge my request and minimized the risk. I did this several times and finally gave up. My therapist, to my surprise and pleasure, took up the cause and gave it a go herself. She met with the same responses. The thing was that even though it didn't accomplish what I had hoped, it did something else, which was to give my therapist insight into this dynamic with the parent first hand and it confirmed all that I had been saying. More than that, some weeks later, my therapist commented on the session and said the mom didn't have a maternal bone in her body. I think that was worth everything to hear.

If you go into it with a plan, but no expectations, you can make the most of whatever comes of it.

[TishaBuv]

I brought my mom to two different psychiatrists I saw. I didn't even think to ask their permission before hand. I just brought her and asked them if it was ok if she came in.

My mom came to support me in my struggle with my husband. But with the 2nd psy session, I called her out on her being abusive. It didn't go well. She said she wouldn't hear of any criticism of her or she was going to walk out.

It felt validating at least that the therapist could see what I am dealing with.

I brought my mother to a session a long time ago w #2. She sat there and basically lied her face off and acted like she had no idea of things i said. Total waste of time. I didn't see that t for very long anyway. She was never attuned to me at all.

[Favorite Jeans]

What's your mom like? Is she generally supportive and caring toward you? Does she have pretty good knowledge about the issues you are grappling with?

If you generally have a good relationship and you are bringing her to therapy with the goal of becoming closer and helping her to help you, I'd say go for it.

If you both want to be closer and there's a rift to heal or a communication breakdown, consider seeing a neutral therapist together.

If you are trying to confront her about something or you hope to "make her understand" something that she's never shown any inclination to understand, I'd say don't do it. It is almost certain to end in hurt and disappointment.

That's my limited wisdom on this issue. I have not had good experiences of going to therapy with other people but obviously YMMV.

[growlycat]

Going to therapy with family members who don't understand therapy has generally not worked out well for me either. But if you mom is eager and wants to do this then go for it.

[kecanoe]

I've had my sister come to t a couple of times, my sister is very supportive and was able to shed some light on stuff from childhood. I have had my H attend one session with my individual t, he is also supportive. And my H's parents came to one session of couples therapy as did my H's brother. Again, all were supportive, and were there to be helpful. And it was helpful. In my case, t directed the session, kept things focused, helped everyone feel like we were all on the same team. I did a lot of listening.

I think your idea of having some time immediately after to process things with t makes a lot of sense. I would go ahead and ask.

While I've never had a family member present during a session, I did allow my father to visit and talk with my psychiatrist instead. I'm not sure all they talked about; my father remains mum about it. The realionship I had with my father changed and improved immediately. He seems to aacknowledge that my childhood was difficult and that some of this was owing to my mother.

[laxer12]

Thanks for all of the advice, everyone!

My mom is generally supportive and tries to understand. The barrier to her understand is due in part to my parent's lack of communication with me as a child about things that were happening in my family (i.e. my dad's suicide attempt) as well as my tendency to shut down whenever my mom tries to have a conversation with me about stuff (which is limited to very few occasions).

The purpose of bringing her with would be to finally start to have those conversations and work on becoming closer with her.

I talked about it with my T yesterday for almost our entire session and she made me feel a lot better about it. She is totally supportive of having one-on-one time at the end and even asked me if I wanted to do that at the beginning too. I'm not sure the beginning would be necessary but it's nice to have as an option.

[Favorite Jeans]

Sounds like all the makings of a good and helpful session are there. Good luck, I hope it goes well.

[nottrustin]

My mom passed away long before I entered therapy. However, when I have brought my husband in a couple of times I struggled a lot. Both times it was to tell him some very difficult issues T and I were dealing with. I feared hubbies reaction even though he had always been lobbing and supportive. The first time I feared it could ruin my marriage even though it was not about something I did. Before I thre session, T ands I discussed extensively what would be said and what would not, what her role would be and how she would explain to him the dynamics of my situation, and how she would respond to his possible reactions.

A couple of weeks ago she mentioned it might be a good time to bring him in so we could help him understand my current situation. Initially I agreed. As the week progressed I started to doubt it. So again we spent the next session discussing what would be talked about and what would not and just what the purpose would be.