[ECHOES]

Just saying hello. Haven't been here to post much but have read a bit here and there.

Do you remember my little girl fantasy? She comes toddling in with her middle 2 fingers in her mouth, approaches T, stands beside T, watches a minute, then lays her head in T's lap; T is talking, but looks down at her and smiles and caresses her head, face, back.

After being very distressed about it because it was happening in session and because it .. felt...so...good...

.....I told her about it and about how good it felt. It's one of those feels so good you sob feelings. It came up at the end of the session (of course!) and it kept distressing me. I loved it and hated it. I wanted to keep it and I wanted it to go away! I was in the midst of a day of much distress about it and how it was interfering in session for me and I wanted so much for it to go away. I wanted to make it go away. Then I remembered some of Pema Chodron's words about facing directly the things you don't want to and to see what's there... and so I began thinking more about it and looking further into it to see what it was trying to tell me.

As a result, we've been exploring the little girl fantasy and it is so interesting. It' speaks to so many things... my need for safety, my perception that I don't communicate well, my desire for comfort, reassurance, my feeling that I can trust her. That she reacts warmly, reassuringly, and with acceptance and calmness says that I feel that she accepts all parts of me, even the little girl who still wants to be loved.

She told me I can call her as often as I want. I can leave messages and if I want a call back, to just say I do in my message. Outwardly, I said "Oh, ok. Thank you.". Inside I was turning cartwheels!!

I called several times last week, once because it was our 'old' usual session time and I missed her, and once with associations about the fantasy. I imagined her rolling her eyes and thinking 'Oh crap was that a mistake telling her she could call!--What drivel!'. At the beginning of the next session I asked if she did roll her eyes. lol. She said she loved my associations and that I was 'bubbling'. I laughed, cuz believe me, I don't 'bubble'. But she meant that thoughts and associations were brewing... percolating is what Secret Garden calls it. So anyway so much good has come from sharing that fantasy. It provided ways to talk about things that I don't think I would have found an avenue for without the help of the fantasy.

Amazing, our minds.

And our T's.

added via edit:
2 new books: the one Perna recommended on a thread,
The Art of Becoming Human by Mary Mercer and The Interpersonal World of The Infant by Daniel Stern. Both look very interesting!

[MissCharlotte]

((Echoes))

Have missed you.

Yes, percolating you are.

I hope to be more responsive tomorrow. Just wrung out right now.

[WinterRose]

Thanks for sharing Echoes. I'm looking up the books. Glad therapy is going well for you.

[ECHOES]

Thanks WinterRose

Here's a link that Perna posted recently to the the Mary Mercer book. While there I found the Dainel Stern book.

http://www.amazon.com/Art-Becoming-H.../dp/1573929409

[sunrise]

ECHOES, that must make you feel so secure and taken care of, to share the little girl fantasy and have it received with such sensitivity and care. Your T sounds so warm and wonderful. ((((hugs))))

I think your T is right--you are bubbling.

That's so cool that you told her your fantasy and you are able to use it in the therapy comfortably, and with benefit. I have a lot of "little girl" stuff going on as well. I've only told my T parts of it. It's not easy stuff to talk about.

Glad to see you back.