And I didn't die of embarrassment!
It was cringeworthy and she didn't shame me, she was very encouraging but sometimes I wonder if she wants to know too much or if my t is getting turned on. Is that just me projecting or can any of you relate to feeling like this.

[88Butterfly88]

I doubt she was getting turned on. I've talked about sex a lot with my ts, mostly because I used to view and sometimes still view sex as an abnormal disordered activity. It can be embarrassing but I think its helpful to talk about.

[dtrain0802]

Kudos on stepping out of your comfort zone to have that discussion! It was something I struggled with doing for the better part of 3 years.

It wasn't like I was trying to avoid it but imagine being a a guy trying tell his therapist - a female one I might add - one the OCD things you do is not only download hours and hours of porn but also wastes an entire day on organizing the videos on his computer or masturbation.

Needless to say, it's not easy. Especially when you're working with somebody for which you have a genuine fondness. While I understand and appreciate her being my therapist I do want her her to see me favorably, you know?

[Argonautomobile]

I surveyed my T like a hawk for any sign of voyeuristic interest when talking about abuse and sexuality, so, yes, I can relate.

I'm 100% sure the paranoia was projection in my case. Couldn't say in your case--did she do/say anything in particular that struck you as 'too' interested?

I'd think encouragement to speak, letting you know that the topic is allowed, would be fine, but prying for details or mirroring with explicit language would creep me out.

[Submax]

I could understand being embarrassed about talking about your sex life. The lady therapist I had was a sex therapist and we covered everything. I don't think they get turned on by it.

[dtrain0802]

I agree. It would be creepy.

[Submax]

Originally Posted by dtrain0802

Kudos on stepping out of your comfort zone to have that discussion! It was something I struggled with doing for the better part of 3 years.

It wasn't like I was trying to avoid it but imagine being a a guy trying tell his therapist - a female one I might add - one the OCD things you do is not only download hours and hours of porn but also wastes an entire day on organizing the videos on his computer or masturbation.

Needless to say, it's not easy. Especially when you're working with somebody for which you have a genuine fondness. While I understand and appreciate her being my therapist I do want her her to see me favorably, you know?

I can relate to that. I had a young female therapist and I was explaining all my sessions with my Dominatrix and how much I missed her. It was uncomfortable but they did ask for honesty.

[WrkNPrgress]

I'm sure that any therapist who is experienced has heard it all. If anything they've talked about sex before. It's embarrassing and singular for us but for them, it's like an algebra talking equations, they've done it a million times.

[junkDNA]

ive talked about masturbation and sex with my T. its weird at first but now its ok. i do not think he gets turned on

[bounceback]

Maybe at the first or second story they heard from a client about sex from one of the first or second clients they might have got turned on. Talking to sex for them is probably like talking about the weather. Many many people go to therapists to talk about their relationships and the relationships (most) include sex.

I do think some of them like talking about it though even though it is uncomfortable for the client.

[precaryous]

It does happen- have seen three separate MH professionals who became turned on during our therapist/client relationships. I'm not even pretty. It did not turn out well.

But I'm guessing it's not common.
Have seen many others who did not give an indication they were being voyeuristic.

Mona, I'm glad she didn't shame you. Who brought up the subject of sex, you or T?

My t brought up the subject. I told her I was going away with a friend and we would be staying together in the same room.
Ts can get turned on, they are only human. There was a lot of stuff that was said that gave me red flags. She was a little bit too interested. She knows that I was in a relationship for a while with this girl and she also knows this girl. So maybe the interest was in my ex/ now friend. Who knows.

Originally Posted by Argonautomobile

I surveyed my T like a hawk for any sign of voyeuristic interest when talking about abuse and sexuality, so, yes, I can relate.

I'm 100% sure the paranoia was projection in my case. Couldn't say in your case--did she do/say anything in particular that struck you as 'too' interested?

I'd think encouragement to speak, letting you know that the topic is allowed, would be fine, but prying for details or mirroring with explicit language would creep me out.

She was very encouraging and asked afterwards how was it to talk about sex with her. I still am not sure because I am kind of excited but not sure if it's a nervous feeling or an uneasiness.
She asked things like would o like to have sex with said girl, how much experience did she have with girls. How did we touch each other. Was it pleasing for me, if it wasn't could I tell her etc. Etc,
I am very cautious of ever bringing up sex with ts and don't think I would ever initiate a conversation

Originally Posted by dtrain0802

Kudos on stepping out of your comfort zone to have that discussion! It was something I struggled with doing for the better part of 3 years.

It wasn't like I was trying to avoid it but imagine being a a guy trying tell his therapist - a female one I might add - one the OCD things you do is not only download hours and hours of porn but also wastes an entire day on organizing the videos on his computer or masturbation.

Needless to say, it's not easy. Especially when you're working with somebody for which you have a genuine fondness. While I understand and appreciate her being my therapist I do want her her to see me favorably, you know?

I can relate to what you experienced. There is always a risk of rejection or being shamed when we open up and share our secrets or things about ourselves that others don't know.
How was it for you after you shared this with her? I bet she had more respect for you because that takes a lotta nerves and guts to share that with a therapist.

[Argonautomobile]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

She was very encouraging and asked afterwards how was it to talk about sex with her. I still am not sure because I am kind of excited but not sure if it's a nervous feeling or an uneasiness.
She asked things like would o like to have sex with said girl, how much experience did she have with girls. How did we touch each other. Was it pleasing for me, if it wasn't could I tell her etc. Etc,
I am very cautious of ever bringing up sex with ts and don't think I would ever initiate a conversation

"How did we touch each other"? That all seems very suspect to me. But then I wasn't there. Maybe it'll be clearer to you in a day or two. I'm sorry if you decide your T's level of interest was...unseemly. I would be very upset by this if it happened to me.

[dtrain0802]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

...How was it for you after you shared this with her?...

Things were fine. Back to business as usual. I think it might of came up the next week - albeit in passing - but the conversation was more about a situation because of the sexually obsessive behaviors and had replied "...talking about that stuff is awkward." She said it wasn't but it was like right at the point we had began transitioning into something else involving another aspect of the situation had been discussing.

Admittedly, having discussed that kind of stuff in the past made it easier to discuss being a resource, support type of person for my uncle who was convicted of a sex crime back in the 80's and is now in one of those state run in-patient programs that sex offenders have to complete before re-entering society again. But then again, the only part of that situation that made me reluctant to discuss was how I was repulsed by child molesters and it being difficult to be supportive of my uncle because he has a low IQ.

[chihirochild]

I know this is a bit different, but just in case it helps at all: I'm a medical student (graduating with my MD in June), and I have to ask people about details of their sex lives all the time. I have never *ever* been turned on by this.

First of all, when I walk into a patient's room it's like a switch goes off and nothing is sexy. (I've heard straight male obstetricians say the same thing. Like, "yes, I very much enjoy the female form, but doing a breast exam or a pap smear on a patient is not even remotely sexy.") I'm looking and listening for things that could make my patients sick/things that cause suffering, and that takes up a lot of brain space. I'm listening to what they're saying and comparing that with my medical knowledge and trying to put it into the context of the rest of the patient's life. And I'm also using a lot of energy trying to figure out how to make the patient less uncomfortable (not to mention trying not to do anything awkward myself).

So I doubt your T is turned on.

[SoConfused623]

Most of what I talk about with my T is about relationships with men, so sex comes up a LOT. She seems perfectly comfortable talking about it and doesn't make a big deal out of any of it and has never made me feel uncomfortable or shamed.

[nottrustin]

We have discussed sex a couple of times.. she seems fine with it. It is very uncomfortable with the topic so I beat around the Bush. She gets confused by what I am trying to say...so very awkward