[Cleo6]

We were talking about my family and t said I was subtle towards family. I don't know how I feel about it. It hurts but I don't know if I'm over reacting. All my family like putting me down so I just let them as I know it gets worse if I say anything back and it's really hard when you hear people put you down all your life to actually stand up for myself

[Argonautomobile]

I don't think that "subtle" is an insult, or inherently a bad thing. Can you ask your T to clarify what s/he meant? I'm sorry you're hurting.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Cleo6: Hm-m-m-m... I would agree with Argonautomobile that "subtle" isn't inherently a bad word. Of course, I don't know what the context was & that may make all the difference.

One thing that occurs to me is that perhaps your T was talking about how you discuss, in therapy, things related to your family. Perhaps s/he was suggesting that you don't "come right out & say what you think" during your therapy sessions. In other words you perhaps try to make things sound not as bad as they really are. Of course, I don't really know. I'm just guessing here. I do know, in my own case, no matter how badly I might have been feeling, any time I went in to see a therapist or my pdoc, I would just reflexively slap a smile on my face & say everything was "okay" when they would ask me how I was doing. I just couldn't seem to help it.

It is true, I believe, that no matter how badly loved ones may treat us we still typically have a tendency to try to protect them. So even though your family has put you down all your life your instinct, in therapy, is probably to try to "downplay" how their treatment of you affects you. Looked at from that perspective, I think your T's comment may not have been something to feel hurt about. It may have simply been an observation with regard to how you discuss, in therapy, how your interactions with your family members go when you're with them.

Of course I really don't have any real idea here. I'm just throwing out suggestions. Perhaps the best way to "clear the air" with regard to this would be to tell your T how you felt about this comment & ask for some clarification with regard to what s/he meant. It is important, in a therapy setting, to be upfront with regard to how you feel about things that are said so that hurts, such as you're feeling, don't linger & have a negative effect on the therapeutic process as a whole.