Noooo I didn't talk to him.

But I called his voicemail.

And it has been changed back to the regular one. No more vacation message.

Still four days until my session.

Last time I saw him he reminded me that I still have to let him know if I want to do hour and a half sessions from now on.

AHHHHHH

I want to write more but I have to get back to schoolwork.

[pegasus]

[WinterRose]

Great post. Huzzah!

[ECHOES]

yay!! so happy for you!

you made it through!

[Lemon]

Yah! So when you call him (tomorrow? Wed?) are you going to tell him you want the 1 1/2 hrs this week?

[SecretGarden]

An hour and a half sounds both wonderful and exhausting to me.

Congrats on making it .... and it is nice to hear that recording and breathe that sigh of relief. Ha cha cha...

any idea why the "hour" thing anyway? hour and a hlaf sounds good... but why can't we/they set whatever time we want? why can't i book a whole afternoon? Any insights?

[sunrise]

Great news, pinksoil!

Nice to see you here, SecretGarden.

Congratulations! You made it!

[lauren_helene]

See it went faster than expected!

YOU DID IT!!! He's back, the connection will be there once again. I'm so glad he changed his message so you could be assured her returned. I bet it feels like you can breathe a bit better now knowing he's back!
I'm so happy for you that it's only 4 more days and that you can look forward to extended sessions.

I am really going to try not to call tomorrow. Maybe I can just be okay for a little while, with the knowledge that he has returned.

I honestly cannot pinpoint a feeling right now. During the first week that he was gone, I was a mess. The last couple of days I have felt........ nothing. Well, there has been some excitement at his return, but it hasn't hurt like it did that first week.

You know, after I read Sister's post on what her separation from her T meant to her, I really struggled to figure what I took away from my separation. Apart from learning even more about the different parts of my personality and how they exist separately, not yet integrated-- I learned what it is like to feel without anger. For some reason, I have not been angry with him. I know that might sound strange to some, but anger is a very familiar emotion to me, one that often dominates my feelings towards him. Anger covers up a lot of unfavorable feelings so that I don't have to deal with them. During his absence I felt no anger towards him. But I had to feel everything else including the ambivalence that I'm dealing with now. Being such an emotionally extreme person, the nothingness is very hard to handle... I have to figure out what all of it means because in the absence of anger, it's there. I mean, I label it as nothing or as ambivalent, but it has to be something.... something is under there. I'm sort of scared to walk in there on Friday because honesty I just wanna fall into his arms. And stay there. Safe.

did you feel... lonely? sad? longing?

[SecretGarden]

Thanks Sunny. :-)