What is your best piece of advice when it comes to therapy?

Keep in mind that people go to therapy for different reasons, so you may need to confirm that the therapist is on the same page about what your problem even is. (Also, some of the advice on this thread might apply more to some therapy goals than others.)

There is a guy called Ryan Howes who wrote a blog post called something like "21 tips for clients in therapy." It helped me a huge amount in getting the most from therapy.

If I could go back, I'd say to myself,

Don't stay with any therapists who don't feel like "basically the perfect fit". If you can't say that, stop trying to make it work. With the right one, you'll know by the end of the second session. I know you're so terrified about being alone without help that you'll stay with whoever you see first - I'm still terrified of that - but if you find the right person, even if it takes a scary month, you'll have the best help and make 10x the progress rather than crappy help and wasted time.

If you are having suicidal thoughts tell your therapist but if it's a self harm issue and it's not to bad be warey contrary to popular belief hospitals are not fun places and some therapist are not cool with self harm or suicide. And to respond to skies post I don't think kids need therapy as young as possible unless they've had major trauma or showing signs of a disorder interfering with there daily lives.gesh why are we so quick anyway to drug kids like it's the only way.

Let it happen naturally (or don't try too hard).
Find someone who is open to a multitude of interpretations.

Be honest. They can't help, you if you aren't. Don't expect quick fixes. Therapy is a process. Again be honest. To me that is the most important thing you can do

The hardest thing to do brings the greatest rewards.

If you're embarrassed or afraid to talk about something with your T, tell him/her how you feel. The reason I was able to pursue issues with my current T that I couldn't with others is because she reassured me that nothing is TMI ( too much information). Nothing at all.

Trust your gut when choosing a T or thinking something is wrong. The T may have excellent qualifications and be a nice person, but the fit has to be right for YOU.

Try not to put your T on a pedestal. Ts are human, just like we are, and they do make mistakes. They are just like the rest of us.

Quit. They're taking your time, your attention, your money. You will look back and realize that while you were navel gazing, you could have been actually having a life with real human beings instead of becoming dependent on a paid friend/parent figure who deliberately creates an idealized front for you to 'attach' to.

The only exception to this is if you're in enough pain to be hurting yourself. If therapy helps in that case, well, play the game I guess.

Be entirely honest.

Look, they are there to help and advocate for you. There is no need to be embarrassed as they have likely heard a lot worse. Also, unless you are honest and work with them, they can't help you properly. You also bear responsibility for the success or failure of therapy; you thus have a responsibility to be honest and fully cooperative. You owe it to yourself to do so.

I meant as an adult but didn't state that. I agree with you. Thanks

I would say 'Be Yourself'. Discuss the problem(s) that most trouble you.
I think this is different from being purely honest because it calls for showing and exploring anything a person struggles with in life, even if it's dishonesty, coming up with false images, not willing to face reality, or not even knowing what our truth is.

On the question of when it's best to start therapy, I personally disagree with "as young as possible", even in adulthood, for everyone in a general sense. I think someone needs to have an interest and be receptive for therapy to make any sense and be useful (whatever that means). If someone goes too early or in a state when they are not willing to make the effort, it probably won't make much difference other than spending time and some holes in bank account. There really is such a thing as our brains and personalities being more plastic and impressionable when young but that still has to come with a willingness to explore, change, or whatever one wants to use therapy for, IMO. And that, probably, is not associated with youth or any specific age but more likely as individual as the issues that bring us to therapy.

I don't disagree with what you said here but wanted to explain that my reasoning was really about sequence and chronology rather than age.

Assuming one is on the fence in terms of doing therapy, I think it's worth considering that patterns can be harder to break after years and years (time is the issue not age), and how starting young can prevent a lot of problems and heartache later in life (sequence is the issue not age). I think this can be especially true with relationships.

Personally, I would have been a much better mother had I done therapy while my children were young or before I had them. Which again, isn't about my age but time sequence.

It's never too late to change, but if I had a choice, I'd rather spend more of my life enjoying it than trying to change it or dealing with consequences of doing things for the wrong reasons. I think understanding yourself better is directly related to making better decisions and life choices all around.

Mistakes are part of life, but understanding yourself sooner can make a difference for those of us who made too many mistakes, mistakes that were impactful and carved a deeper path into the future. The younger you are, the more the trajectory can be self-defined.

Hi Skies, thanks for the more detailed explanation. With the time and sequence I agree, what confused me was "start therapy at as young of an age as possible" in your previous post. I was also thinking perhaps you meant for issues that initiated in childhood or early life maybe, but not all problems start then, and many remain latent until some experience brings them out sometimes much later, IMO at least.

I still hold the opinion that one needs to be at least somewhat open and receptive to therapy and from all I know, people often have a period of strong denial, resistance or other kind of refusal of dealing especially with serious, traumatic issues, things associated with a lot of shame and guilt etc. Then "deal" with them the same destructive ways over and over and refuse any form of help. I don't think therapy can be successfully conducted without the client's cooperation really, not even most psych meds work that way.

Anyhow, I don't mean to argue at all, it's more that the question piqued my interest as I pondered myself many times what could have been had I gotten into therapy earlier to address some things instead of addressing them on my own and using life experience. Maybe good things, maybe nothing, or perhaps more avoidance and destruction in some ways. I really think the timing also depends on the specific issue.

I fully agree on the 'sooner the better' concept though theoretically speaking, in terms of potential long-term success.

I thought maybe I was coming off as ageist, so i thought it might be worth explaining.

Be honest
Be willing to do the work
Don't play head games
If all you want from therapy is an ear get a pet, it's cheaper and less frustrating
If what you want is re-parenting look for that and be up front about it.

1. Remember that you are in the driver's seat, not the therapist. Every personal decision, including when to quit therapy, is yours and yours only. Ditch any therapist who suggests otherwise.

2. Trust your own voice of reason, common sense and/or gut instinct, whatever your own guidance system is, more than the therapist's suggestions or judgment. Even if you believe your guidance system is far from perfect, it is better to follow it than to follow someone else's guidance whenever there is a conflict between the two of them. Don't be afraid to make a mistake. Mistakes are great teachers. The lessons you learn from your own mistakes are invaluable and will make you a much stronger and wiser person.

I don't get how this advice is helpful

I think it could be useful. Therapy is not the be all and end all. There are other paths.

I also think Dawntreader's advice can be useful in some cases. For example, if a therapist works in a very unprofessional way or therapy becomes the center of one's universe and depletes life from "ordinary" relationships and experiences, for example. Some therapists would say "work through it" and blame a client for wanting to end it using fancy-sounding psych concepts. I had an experience like that and am still very glad I listened to my own judgment rather than the T.

To be her advice came off as condescending. Like if you are in therapy you are there for a paid friend or are playing a game. That is not the case for the majority of people who are going.

Nothing that happens in that room (short of outright abuse, of course) is worse than keeping stuff in and letting it control you. Get.It.Out. Let yourself ramble. Be nervous. Be messy. Cry if you need to. Shake if you need to but Just. Spit. It. Out.

Thank you for saying what I wanted to say. The condescending attitude that those of us in therapy are somehow being indulgent really pi$$es me off. If I say more the mods will drag me away snarling.

I didn't read it that way. I am not saying I don't see how it could be read that way, just that I didn't.