[lunatic soul]

Havent been here for a while.
I changed my T at the end of August suggested by my friend, he is psychologist and isnt doctor and it never bothered any of us that my friend and I see one T. I was on drugs, completely broken and left by my boyfriend, I thought I would die without him, I was addicted to my ex and addicted to drugs, I thought its hopeless.
Then I started new therapy, I got better, I was thinking I got better... I stopped take all of my meds etc, I worked and studied and never had any free day, I was sleeping great without any meds but I felt sleepy and exhausted all of the time and emotionless, I never felt happy but I was too tired to think about it, I wanted only sleep but I had so many things to do.
One day I realized its just too much, I didnt have a time for my self, for living, for sleeping, sometimes also for eating. I left one of my two jobs and now I have few free days a week but now after all this time everything changed, I realized I am so depressed, I dont feel anything at all only despair, I feel weak, powerless, exhausted even when I sleep. I forgot my ex and I am not in love with anyone but I feel like I cant take this life anymore not because I dont have boyfriend but I dont know why.. I simply feel like its hard to wake up and find a reason for doing anything, last time I was happy it was with my ex, after losing him I lost all of emotions. I feel so pressed, its like- I want to go to shower but it feels like something holds me back and its so hard to press myself to do simple things I need to do.
I couldnt live like this and I started to take drugs again.. At first it seemed that everything is perfect as it always seems, there are 3 weaks gone like this and I feel like Im dying, I am addicted and even my T doesnt understand me, I feel like he blames me saying- everything is in vain because you are back in your old life, if you dont want to save yourself I cant help you.
Noone understands me, yeah its so easy to blame someone, I remember I told my T that I feel lifeless and I think maybe I should take antidepressants but he said- no it will be okay, you are getting better.
I didnt know what to do, I saw someone Im attached to, it helped me a little bit but my attachment scares him but Im not in love, I just wanted to feel emotions hoping it will get me out of this.
I feel Im destroying myself, Im waking u and want to cry how I want to stop taking drugs but I feel too horrible and then I do it again and feel little bit better knowing its death.
I dont believe in medication, I dont believe that it could help me, I have seen so many docs but their meds never helped me. I feel hopeless. I dont want to die but Im dying, I cant live. Nothing bad happened in my life but I feel like I want to cut myself but not doing this. I feel like there is no way out. Maybe I could stop taking drugs but even when I was sober I felt so lifeless.
I hope that God will help me, I just cant take it anymore, I lost my hope.

Did someone who felt the same got out of this hell?

[Argonautomobile]

Originally Posted by lunatic soul

Did someone who felt the same got out of this hell?

Yes--I did. It's possible to get better; to not feel this way anymore. I'm sorry things have been so hard. Don't give up.