[Luce]

So I have a referral to yet another t for EMDR therapy, but this t doesn't have an opening until the end of November, so in the meantime I am still seeing my old new t. but I checked out the November t online and didn't like what I found on facebook. it doesn't seem like 'good T' material to me, but I wonder if I am being too judgmental so want to know what other people think.

So from her public posts on facebook I found out she is in her mid thirties and is in a relationship with a guy she has been seeing for a about a year. Her previous relationship broke up after five years.
I don't have any problem with that stuff, but I usually prefer a more mature T.

But the vast majority of her public posts - which are quite plentiful - are about drinking with friends. They talk about how much they drink, how hungover they are the next day, how they need to hold off and give their livers some time to recover, talk about when the next night on the town is etc. There were many, many posts about these drinking nights.
The other thing I didn't like is that all of her references to work, bar one, were about how much she dreaded going to work in the morning, or how bummed she was that her vacation was over and she had to get back into the daily drudgery of working life.

It just doesn't seem like good T material to me?
As far as I know she's the only EMDR T available here, but I kinda just want to call the whole thing off because I really don't want a T who drinks to the point of alcohol poisoning and doesn't like going in to work. That's not unreasonable, right?

I wouldn't see one like that either, if given the choice.

[ruh roh]

Are you sure it's the right person, and not someone with the same name? I guess I am hoping it's that, because while none of those things sound promising, the worst is her attitude toward work.

[rainbow8]

She sounds pretty awful to me! I wouldn't want a T who not only drank too much but posted on Facebook about it! Her dreading work is another red flag. EMDR Ts need to be closely attuned to their clients and it doesn't sound like she cares enough to do that. I agree that she doesn't sound like good T material!

Having said that, I think there is a small possibility that the Facebook posting is exaggerated, and that she presents herself as totally different, and is an excellent T. You could see her once and decide then. But I wouldn't see a T who posted those things on FB!

Is there really no other EMDR T you could see? Why can't you continue seeing the one you refer to as old new T? I'm sorry you're in this predicament!

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by ruh roh

Are you sure it's the right person, and not someone with the same name? I guess I am hoping it's that, because while none of those things sound promising, the worst is her attitude toward work.

I never thought of that! Are you sure it's the right person?

[Luce]

Yes, it is the right person. Same name, same picture as on her website, lists her workplace etc.
It's really unprofessional, right? I can't believe she has those posts set to share with public. She must not know that it is freely visible to anyone who searches her name on facebook.

[Luce]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

She sounds pretty awful to me! I wouldn't want a T who not only drank too much but posted on Facebook about it! Her dreading work is another red flag. EMDR Ts need to be closely attuned to their clients and it doesn't sound like she cares enough to do that. I agree that she doesn't sound like good T material!

Having said that, I think there is a small possibility that the Facebook posting is exaggerated, and that she presents herself as totally different, and is an excellent T. You could see her once and decide then. But I wouldn't see a T who posted those things on FB!

Is there really no other EMDR T you could see? Why can't you continue seeing the one you refer to as old new T? I'm sorry you're in this predicament!

The T I have recently started seeing is not only clueless about dissociative disorders but she ignorantly sticks to her misguided and incorrect understanding of it. That's a deal breaker for someone with DID.
I will ask again about other Ts who do EMDR but I am pretty sure there are no others who accept the funding that I get.

[ilikecats]

That's really unprofessional to have that stuff on Facebook, especially as a T. I would go and check her out to see if I liked her in person, but due to the Facebook posts I would also be very wary. Drinking is one thing, but posting about how you dread going to work is awful for a T to do. I understand the feeling, but when you're dealing with clients who might see what you've said, it's a really bad idea. Anyways, since she seems to be the only EMDR T around, I think you should give her a chance. Maybe even ask her about what you've seen on Facebook.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Same. I'd go see her and talk to her about what you found on FB.

I saw a T for 2 weeks who I looked up on FB. She had tons of pictures of her in revealing clothes. I told her about it and suggested she lock down her account better. What does she do? The next day she post an even more revealing picture...

[-jimi-]

Not wanting to go to a brat with a drinking problem, it is self preservation, it is not being judgmental.

My best "psychologist" was only in his early 30s but he was a deep and serious guy, so age is not everything.

[TishaBuv]

Is she a PhD or MD? I guess that only makes it worse in my mind than if a therapist with a masters degree/ social worker posted on social media like that. Either way, she sounds like someone you already have little respect for and trust. I would feel the same way. Even my kids in college know not to post stuff like that on facebook. That's idiotic.

But the question is, if she is the only therapist around, can she help you with DID? I think i'd go to the first appointment and feel it out. You have nothing to lose.

[objectclient]

If it was me, I wouldn't go. She sounds unprofessional, immature and as though she doesn't take her job seriously, or even like being a therapist.

[Pennster]

That kind of therapist sounds really unappealing to me. My therapist is really obsessive about his job, and is always geeking out about various aspects of psychology research on his professional social media pages - as a client, this level of devotion to his work is highly reassuring.

If this therapist were the only person it seemed likely I would be able to go see, I might check her out and see if her therapist persona was similar to her online one, but I don't think it's unreasonably judgemental to find that a depressing prospect.

I wouldn't see her either. I agree with Roh Roh that the worst part is her attitude to work (a T's drinking habits wouldn't bother me)
What would bother me is seeing a T who not only dislikes her job, but is not smart enough to protect her Facebook page. I have a separate fb account which I post nothing on and use only to see what my fb page looks like to non-friends.

Just to add, in answer to the title question, in my opinion, there is no such thing as too judgemental when T shopping. Your response is your response and it's valid. Good therapy depends on a good fit.

[nottrustin]

I wouldn't see her for a couple of reasons. First I would find myself questioning if she was suffering from a hangover. Secondly, i wouldn't be able to trust her judgement since she doesn't know better than post such things so publicly.

[atisketatasket]

Okay, so I don't care about the relationships or the drinking.

I do not even care about the complaints about work. Everyone I know, even those who love their jobs, complains about not wanting to go to work, is sorry to have vacation end, etc. They especially do this when they think they are among friends. Because you complain about your job does not mean that you are not good at it or that you don't do your best for your clients. Was there anything there about clients specifically, e.g., "tomorrow I have to go listen to losers whine all day"? If not, the complaints about work would be irrelevant to me.

What I would care about is that she has no idea how to use Facebook's privacy settings. Someone who has no respect for her own privacy? No thanks.

I agree. What she does on her own time is her business. I wouldn't pick a T that young so that kind of partying would probably be less likely, but who knows? Complaining about work doesn't bother me particularly either; we all do that. What would bother me is the lack of discretion and common sense concerning her FB posts considering her profession. Most professionals I know, including the teachers I work with, have their privacy settings locked down and have common sense about what they post. Just shows a lack of maturity and common sense which wouldn't bode well for her ability to work in a professional manner most likely.

[amandalouise]

my own point of view is that even therapists are human, they do have a life outside of their profession. I have also checked out my treatment providers online \ on facebook\ twitter and review this treatment provider websites.

for me it would be very fishy if I did not find anything to the effect that my treatment provider had a life outside of their profession. simply put a treatment provider who does not have a life outside of their profession usually points to the fact that they are covering up disciplinary actions or burn outs, married to their work, my problems would become their problems.

when I look for a new treatment provider I do look for things that point to this person is going to understand all aspects of life even the side of life that sometimes I enjoy a night out on the town and I may have a hang over the next day. it was even more important that I had a well rounded treatment provider before I was integrated and my alters and I were not one whole person so that I could be sure that my treatment provider would understand what each of my alters were going through.

I look for the fact that a treatment provider doesnt always enjoy going back to work after their vacation time is over... I think of it this way think back to being in school and any other job I have had all my life, did I jump for joy that few days before school started or did I jump for joy when my own vacations ended and I had to go back to work serving hamburgers and fries or cleaning someone elses bathroom or being a receptionist, no. human beings do grumble and complain when their vacations are over and wish they would not end and dont always enjoy going back to work. its part of being human and being able to express emotions on what we say and do.

one of the places I contact when I see a new treatment provider is the state board. the state board keeps files on all the treatment providers in the state, whether they have good reviews, bad reviews, disciplinary actions and for what. when ever I have contacted them I discovered that treatment provider that on facebook says they are a party animal is in fact a great treatment provider with no disciplinary actions and many great reviews by past clients.

The kind of treatment provider I refuse to see is one where they are not well rounded and dont have a variety of reactions to their jobs. in mental health therapists sit and listen to peoples problems all day long, they have to put their own problems and life on hold to teach someone else how to take care of their own problems. imagine for example listening to Sexual abuse stories all day long then what go home and act like everything is ok, act like they didnt just spend the last 8-15 hours hearing about the worst horrors there are in life. we know what keeping that all bottled up in side us as the victims imagine how keeping all this bottled up as a treatment provider can do. we are only one life time where as a treatment provider goes through it, with 8-15 lives a day. yea I want my treatment providers to not always like going to work and want my treatment providers to have a way to unwind, let loose and have their own life too. even if its party hearty on their own time and complain when they have to go back to work. I dont want a robot who will sit and listen to me then have no feelings, no emotions, no way to get rid or that baggage for their self.

Also something many may not be aware of.... having the same name same picture same profile does not make that person to be the same one we are looking for on facebook. there are many cases in the news about identity theft online and in real life. online anyone can be anyone. all anyone has to do is search someones name and if they have posted a photo of their self, copy and paste it to a new profile and copy the profile from anywhere on the web. I cant count how many times I have seen in the news where someone was pretending to be someone else on the internet and in real life. heck recently in the news a teen ager managed to copy and paste together a profile, badge, credentials and went to a hospital and saw patients as a medical doctor.

another thing most people dont realize is many people on facebook use facebook to joke around and post falsehoods, banter back and forth, not everyone takes facebook as serious, be professional for gosh knows who is reading this. sometimes people take the attitude of ok lets see what people will believe, or lets just have some fun here, this is my time to just do and say what ever I want to whether its true or not.

I keep in mind one thing when ever I am on the internet, and that is dont believe everything you see online especially places like facebook and twitter.

my suggestion contact your governing board that over sees treatment providers in your location and then make your decision.

would I see this person you wrote about sure thing, sounds like some one who knows how to be human not a robot. but of course you are the only one that can say whether you will see this person or not.

[1stepatatime]

I can't imagine a therapist publicly posting stuff like that let alone posting it at all! As a professional I would never post anything that is inappropriate in the first place. It sounds to me like she is very immature. I'm sorry that you had to read that stuff about your therapist.. if it were me I would leave her like a bad habit and find a new one... best wishes!!

[Waterbear]

You are passing judgement and therefore, I guess, it is judgemental but what really matters is that this is absolutely OK. You have to be true to yourself and if it doesn't sit we'll with you then maybe you would be better not working with her. Are you going to be able to get those thoughts out of your mind when trying to do some really deep and meaningful work or will you just be thinking that she doesn't care, doesn't want to be there, is possibly hungover?

It wouldn't be for me, that is for sure.

[feralkittymom]

I would always check a provider's status with a State Board, but the absence of actions doesn't necessarily insure a good provider. If this really is her FB--and I don't know how you'd know that without asking her directly if her identity has been hacked, even if it means confronting her with the "evidence" of her page in session--then it wouldn't work for me. The immaturity, the excessive drinking, the perhaps presentation of a false face (if she isn't psychologically evolved enough to be authentic in her personal life, why would I want her messing about in my head???), would all make my decision.

[kecanoe]

EMDR in my experience does not involve the kind of trusting relationship that I require for talk therapy. So it might be ok if you are going for EMDR. But I think it is entirely appropriate to have serious reservations about her. First, due to her immaturity. Second, lack of professional conduct. Third, being dumb about social media.

Have you looked on EMDRIA website for other practitioners who are in your area? Or just done a search for EMDR and your city? It might be better to give an unknown a try than trying to make it work with this one.

[Favorite Jeans]

OMG so unprofessional! Stay away. If she hasn't taken the time to figure out basic privacy settings on FB, she doesn't take her job very seriously. You're not judging her, you're being diligent in vetting someone to whom you might give a very important high-stakes job.

But yeah, she might have been hacked or someone may have set up a malicious account impersonating her or some other possibility.

[Luce]

Thanks for all of these replies. I feel reassured at least that I am not completely horrible for being wary of her.
I went through her facebook feed again to check if my first impression was accurate, and it didn't seem so bad. It turns out all the alcohol related posts stopped about a year ago (they were the last things I read so I suppose that's why they made a strong impression). So they used to be very frequent but haven't appeared in the last year. And there were other more positive signs... like in the last year she has posted about various social issues that I also feel strongly about.
So I think I am going to stick with the plan and try her out at least.

To answer a few questions... yes it is definitely her. There is no doubt of that.

She is well qualified and has a masters in psych plus several post grad diplomas, including clinical psych and law. (She is a forensic psych as well, her website says).