[rainbow8]

Today is my birthday. Last week T asked what I wanted to do in my session. I said maybe we could write notes for me stating that she cares. I'm not sure what I want. I have pains all over my body and am struggling with everything. I wish she could hold me! But I don't even want to hold her hand for some reason. Does FB still send emails to friends notifying them of birthdays? I haven't gotten any lately. I never like my birthday very much. If I could cry in my session today, it would make me happy. I know that's weird. I didn't get enough sleep. That doesn't help.

[granite1]

happy birthday

[awkwardlyyours]

Happy Birthday, rainbow! Hope the year brings you a boatload of peace and joy

Maybe ask your T what she'd like to do / say instead and then take it from there?

Happy birthday, rainbow! Maybe talk to her about your feelings around your birthday and what sorts of things you would like changed in a year from now? That could perhaps also help define some therapy goals for the near future.

[junkDNA]

happy birthday rainbow!!!

[1stepatatime]

Happy Birthday Rainbow!! I hope that you enjoy your special day. : )

[unaluna]

another year older! I passed mine pretty quietly. Maybe people are holding back sending happy wishes because of your husband passing within the year? I dont know what the etiquette is on that.

[lucozader]

Happy birthday, Rainbow. If what you need for your birthday is a good cry then that's okay. It's your day.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Happy Birthday!

[rainbow8]

Thanks, everyone. Una, hard to believe but it's 18 months since my husband passed away. Formal mourning in my religion for a parent is a year but for a spouse one month. That doesn't mean you can't or don't mourn much longer, of course!!

I actually had a wonderful session!!!
And NOT about T at all! She gave me a little present, a heart, and a card in which she had written what we didn't get a chance to do in the session, basically not to forget how special I am, and that what's inside is the most important and beautiful part. She wrote "You'll always be in my heart!" Signed Love, T.

I talked about my week because a lot happened! Then I showed T something that I interpret as a sign from my husband! I don't want to be specific but T thought it was amazing!! I cried about it at home but the tears stayed in my eyes during the session. We talked about my marriage and I was able to say "I love you, _____" out loud. In spite of a lot of things, I realized I did really love him. T asked what I felt and I said "regret." Regret for what H and I didn't have but relief I could get so far with working through it and express love. Suffice it to say my birthday session was warm and productive, and bittersweet. I felt understood by T. We were on the same wavelength and I could be honest.

[rainbow8]

T wrote me a nice email in response to my thank you to her. She said we can work more on expressing love. I have to cancel next week but I think I'll be all right. My T sees many clients but she makes me feel like I'm her only one.

[satsuma]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

My T sees many clients but she makes me feel like I'm her only one.

I think that is a sign of a good T! Luckily, I feel that way with my T too.
I'm glad your session went so well.

[Dawntreader]

Therapists who make clients feel as if they're "the only one" are pretty high on the list of unethical practitioners. So much so that it is specifically listed as a concerning behavior on most therapy ethics websites and guides.

Your therapist isn't supposed to be expressing love, or making you feel like the special only one. Is that what you pay $100 a session for? Love? You may as well just pay a prostitute.

Why are so many people on this board in such incredibly unethical therapy relationships? And why do so many of them go utterly unremarked upon?

[junkDNA]

Originally Posted by Dawntreader

Therapists who make clients feel as if they're "the only one" are pretty high on the list of unethical practitioners. So much so that it is specifically listed as a concerning behavior on most therapy ethics websites and guides.

Your therapist isn't supposed to be expressing love, or making you feel like the special only one. Is that what you pay $100 a session for? Love? You may as well just pay a prostitute.

Why are so many people on this board in such incredibly unethical therapy relationships? And why do so many of them go utterly unremarked upon?

sorry, i know this is inappropriate, but...youre kinda a buzz kill

What's harmful about a client feeling like they're the only client a therapist has during said client's session?

Genuine curiosity, because isn't the therapist supposed to be attentive and focused on the client they're working with during their allotted time?

I'm really glad you had a good session, Rainbow. Happy belated birthday

Apparently it's unethical to feel like the only one, and it's also unethical for the therapist to go on about other clients. Sort of Catch 22.
I feel like the only one because he hardly ever mentions other clients. Logically we know we're not though. Obviously.

Originally Posted by Dawntreader

Therapists who make clients feel as if they're "the only one" are pretty high on the list of unethical practitioners. So much so that it is specifically listed as a concerning behavior on most therapy ethics websites and guides.

Your therapist isn't supposed to be expressing love, or making you feel like the special only one. Is that what you pay $100 a session for? Love? You may as well just pay a prostitute.

Why are so many people on this board in such incredibly unethical therapy relationships? And why do so many of them go utterly unremarked upon?

You are new here and may not know the history and dynamics of Rainbow's therapy. She has a very good therapist who is incredibly professional and ethical. Sometimes lack of remark is a good thing when you don't really know the backstory.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by Dawntreader

Therapists who make clients feel as if they're "the only one" are pretty high on the list of unethical practitioners. So much so that it is specifically listed as a concerning behavior on most therapy ethics websites and guides.

Your therapist isn't supposed to be expressing love, or making you feel like the special only one. Is that what you pay $100 a session for? Love? You may as well just pay a prostitute.

Why are so many people on this board in such incredibly unethical therapy relationships? And why do so many of them go utterly unremarked upon?

Although I may not disagree with this for my own self, I do believe very strongly that people get to choose the type of therapy that works best for them. Just because something doesn't work for me doesn't mean it can't work for someone. So I think the reason that some things don't get remarked upon is because people found it useful for them and who would I be to say it's not?

[satsuma]

Originally Posted by QuietMind

What's harmful about a client feeling like they're the only client a therapist has during said client's session?

Genuine curiosity, because isn't the therapist supposed to be attentive and focused on the client they're working with during their allotted time?

Yes exactly, the T is supposed to give their full and undivided attention to the client during the session. It can also mean showing a genuine interest in the client and what they say, remembering details from week to week, not bringing the therapy of other clients into the room, not always running late or cutting the session short, not appearing distracted or bored or detached.
Of course T's can have large workloads and all the distractions in life that we all have. That's why I think giving their full and undivided attention like that, so that with T you *feel* that you are the only one, is a real skill, and a sign of a good T.
It isn't unethical at all.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by QuietMind

What's harmful about a client feeling like they're the only client a therapist has during said client's session?

Genuine curiosity, because isn't the therapist supposed to be attentive and focused on the client they're working with during their allotted time?

I think they mean like if the t explicitly says somdthing like, "youre the only one i have this kind of (for instance) sexual relationship with." THAT kind of being unique.

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by unaluna

I think they mean like if the t explicitly says somdthing like, "youre the only one i have this kind of (for instance) sexual relationship with." THAT kind of being unique.

Yeah - because there is no way making the client feel like they're your sole focus is listed in a bunch of ethics codes. Actually treating a client differently and specially in an attempt to seduce etc. would be.

The first has as much if not more to do with the client than the therapist, the second is all the therapist.

Originally Posted by unaluna

I think they mean like if the t explicitly says somdthing like, "youre the only one i have this kind of (for instance) sexual relationship with." THAT kind of being unique.

Ohh, ok. Thanks for clarifying