[SummerTime12]

Lately I've been feeling a desire to share details of past events (some trauma some not) with my T. I don't really know why, he knows the general stories of events and when I tell him things, he does ask questions to uncover more. The questions aren't too invasive though, out of respect for me I believe and to let me control how much I want to disclose. I want to share more details but in the moment I'm too anxious to go there on my own initiative. And I don't think that telling some of those minors details has any therepeautic benefit aside from me just telling my story and knowing that someone else out there knows it now, too. It also feels wrong to share details for some reason, maybe because I haven't been seeing him long and he's my first male T, and much of the trauma is sexual. Is there something wrong with me for wanting to tell someone more? And should I do anything about it? Thanks for any advice!

[kecanoe]

It might be very helpful for you to share the details that you remember. In my experience it is not helpful to work at digging up all the details, but if they are already rattling around in your head, why not share?

I don't think there really is a "too soon" to share with t. It is their job, after all. And the sooner you get thru treatment, the cheaper it is.

I wonder if the feeling wrong bit is more that you are used to keeping it a secret, perhaps were told at the time that you must keep it a secret or that sort of thing. Probably your t has heard it before, or something similar. I wouldn't hold back out of fear of somehow injuring or alienating t.

Could you tell t that you think you want to say more but need help doing that?

[chihirochild]

I agree with kecanoe on all counts--high grade wisdom right there.

And regarding this bit:

Originally Posted by SummerTime12

Is there something wrong with me for wanting to tell someone more?

Of course not, love. Having lots of details in your head that you can't talk about about is a difficult burden to bear. And Ts are there so that you can "tell someone more" and know that you're going to get a calm, empathetic, and therapeutic response.

[SummerTime12]

Originally Posted by kecanoe

I wonder if the feeling wrong bit is more that you are used to keeping it a secret, perhaps were told at the time that you must keep it a secret or that sort of thing.

Could you tell t that you think you want to say more but need help doing that?

I never even thought of that being why it feels wrong to share, but it makes total sense. These things have been secret for so many years and there's also a lot of shame surrounding them. I think I will try telling him that I want to share more but don't know how to begin.

[SummerTime12]

Originally Posted by chihirochild

Of course not, love. Having lots of details in your head that you can't talk about about is a difficult burden to bear. And Ts are there so that you can "tell someone more" and know that you're going to get a calm, empathetic, and therapeutic response.

Thank you so much! I'm sure the guilt and shame I feel about telling details is misplaced, but it's still hard to believe it's ok. It's true though that I just don't want to be alone with it anymore.

[Sarmas]

Originally Posted by SummerTime12

Lately I've been feeling a desire to share details of past events (some trauma some not) with my T. I don't really know why, he knows the general stories of events and when I tell him things, he does ask questions to uncover more. The questions aren't too invasive though, out of respect for me I believe and to let me control how much I want to disclose. I want to share more details but in the moment I'm too anxious to go there on my own initiative. And I don't think that telling some of those minors details has any therepeautic benefit aside from me just telling my story and knowing that someone else out there knows it now, too. It also feels wrong to share details for some reason, maybe because I haven't been seeing him long and he's my first male T, and much of the trauma is sexual. Is there something wrong with me for wanting to tell someone more? And should I do anything about it? Thanks for any advice!

I don't think there's anything wrong with it. I've experienced the same trauma when I was younger and I also never got to tell anyone the story. My T knows my situation but had no details. She doesn't care to know the details because it's in the past but now that I'm older I feel the need to speak about the actual details. I don't know exactly why as well. I'm thinking that it's because we held the events and details within for so long and you feel the need for someone else to listen and understand your pain.

I guess for example if I were to go to a restaurant I tell you the food is good it's very different than me explaining to Why it's good and telling you what I ate and how it tasted. You don't have to Taste it but you get a better idea of why I'm telling you that it's a good place to go to.

In The same perspective I feel that in order for my T to understand my pain and where I'm coming from that I need to speak of my events. Perhaps that's a way to unleash and get rid of what we've been carrying for so long. I can only see it as being beneficial. Unfortunately some Ts might see it as being stuck in the past and dealing with something that is currently not happening in your life as opposed to dealing with current issues. I feel that for some of us in order to progress we need to deal with those past issues and try to make sense of them. I don't know just a thought. I think whether the gender and length of time with a T shouldn't matter. I've had my T think that I'm against men or I can have a relationship with men because of my trauma. I told her she was wrong and that I get along with them just fine. I can't blame a whole gender for someone's action in the past.

[LostOnTheTrail]

Originally Posted by Sarmas

I feel that in order for my T to understand my pain and where I'm coming from that I need to speak of my events. Perhaps that's a way to unleash and get rid of what we've been carrying for so long.

Thank you for expressing my truth as well.

[SummerTime12]

Originally Posted by Sarmas

In The same perspective I feel that in order for my T to understand my pain and where I'm coming from that I need to speak of my events. Perhaps that's a way to unleash and get rid of what we've been carrying for so long. I can only see it as being beneficial. Unfortunately some Ts might see it as being stuck in the past and dealing with something that is currently not happening in your life as opposed to dealing with current issues. I feel that for some of us in order to progress we need to deal with those past issues and try to make sense of them. I don't know just a thought.

Yes yes yes. Thank you for being able to articulate what was in my head but I didn't have words for! Now that it's been a few more days since my session, I'm feeling conflicted. Ever since talking about the trauma in general terms, I've been remembering more and more details that I hadn't thought of in years. It's making me feel terrible and I keep trying to push the memories away and pretend it never happened, but at the same time I still feel the need to discuss everything with my T. It's confusing. Ugh I hate this

[Sarmas]

Originally Posted by SummerTime12

Yes yes yes. Thank you for being able to articulate what was in my head but I didn't have words for! Now that it's been a few more days since my session, I'm feeling conflicted. Ever since talking about the trauma in general terms, I've been remembering more and more details that I hadn't thought of in years. It's making me feel terrible and I keep trying to push the memories away and pretend it never happened, but at the same time I still feel the need to discuss everything with my T. It's confusing. Ugh I hate this

I'm glad I was able to help. It's hard to put things in words at times.

I guess sometimes when we start remembering or speaking of those traumatic events you do start to remember so much more. I don't avoiding it or pushing those memories away would be as helpful as talking about those events. It can become more painful and it's especially difficult when you're experiencing such things in between sessions. I know I felt like I was almost like reliving my past. I think it's important to discuss those events with T and maybe even mention why you think it's important to discuss it.
It can be painful to remember those events but it's a process. sometimes I feel
Like I can't address my current issues properly until
I have those past events addressed first. That trauma is like background noise to me.