[girlinterruptedbee]

I have felt like a burden my entire life growing up in foster care, never really feeling like I truly belonged. I felt like a burden and out of place in people's homes, and I felt like a burden to my well-off father who made me stay in foster care after I begged him to save me from that world and was denied. I felt like a burden and a charity case when I would go and visit relatives. I get these vibes from people. I don't think I am sensitive but very aware.

So my therapist has made me feel this way, too. I am devastated because I pay this person to listen to me. She has shifted in her seat with boredom as I have discussed traumas with her. She has rolled her eyes when she thought I wasn't looking. And she will claim she is not available for an appointment next week even though I signed up for weekly appointments with her (same time every time) and she won't give me a reason of why the next week she can't meet. I have been meeting with her for almost a year now and this started happening the last month.

I make sure that I am a good patient. I show up on time. I keep an eye on the clock and end the session myself so she is not put in an awkward place to do it herself. I have had her cancel on me the day of and have been understanding each time, and I even asked her if she needed a break before she met with me because I noticed that she was tired. And I never cross boundaries with her. I like to think I am a good patient.

I am very hurt by this, and I am thinking about ending therapy with her all together. I am very hurt. The first time it happened, I let it go. But it just keeps happening, and it is very damaging to me. I feel more alone than ever now and hopeless. I have no one to talk to anymore: My boyfriend doesn't want to be bothered, I have no family and no friends. I have never felt so low.

[unaluna]

Youre rolling in on yourself like an armadillo. To protect yourself. Youre not letting her in. I get it, i was a burden to my parents. My t would offer me a glass of water and i would refuse it because i didnt want to be a burden.

Take that glass of water, or somehow let her in. You really are NOT a burden. Many people want to engage with other people, its how its done! Its just not how we happened to be raised, unfortunately. so it may never be natural or comfortable for us.

[chihirochild]

I'm sorry you feel so bad

Have you told her that you feel like a burden? She might be able to help. And if she knows that you feel like this, she might be better about offering you a reason when she has to cancel, etc.

And if talking through this with her for several weeks doesn't help (like, give it a legit go b/c I know you said "I am not sensitive" but at the same time I think it is at least *possible* that you have developed highly-attuned antennae about whether or not you're a burden so if she is tired/ill/going through a life crisis it feels to you like she just doesn't want you around)... I dunno, it sounds like she's doing some not-great stuff like canceling without enough notice and not having particularly compassionate body language. I don't think you should feel like you have to be an especially good patient for her to treat you with care and respect. Could you try out seeing a different T?

I don't want to pooh-pooh your self knowledge--I hear you when you say that you are aware rather than sensitive, that your feelings of being a burden are not made up. I just... I dunno, I remember all the times when I thought my T hated me or was bored with me and I asked her what was up and she said something like, "I'm not upset; I'm just thinking seriously and this is what my face looks like when I'm thinking seriously" or, "I'm not bored, but I am tired b/c I was up all night with my dog who was sick; I'm sorry that my tiredness is interfering here." That has happened to me enough times with enough people that I realize that sometimes my perceptions are off-target in a way that hurts me. So I guess I wonder if it is possible that this happens to you too sometimes.

[Moment]

You've got to talk about this straight out with your therapist. There is no way you should end therapy with this person without discussing it.

Your perceptions may be totally skewed. You say she is "shifting in her seat with boredom." For all you know, she has back pain issues. Or maybe she was feeling some other emotion, like deep empathy with you.

If you feel like a burden in all your life with other people, it is not surprising that you bring this into the therapy room. You say your therapist is "making" you feel this way. But it's possible that your therapist is just existing there, and you feel this way, and you are projecting this feeling onto her.

I really, really would not stop therapy without having a long discussion of this with your therapist. This could be some really useful work for you to do.

[Nammu]

Sounds like you are doing a great deal of money nd reading. Print out your opening post and take it with you to your next appointment and discuss these things. You might be surprised.

[lucozader]

Originally Posted by Moment

If you feel like a burden in all your life with other people, it is not surprising that you bring this into the therapy room. You say your therapist is "making" you feel this way. But it's possible that your therapist is just existing there, and you feel this way, and you are projecting this feeling onto her.

Yes, the idea of the therapist "making" her feel like a burden stuck out to me too. Girl, I don't intend to invalidate your experience, and for all I know your therapist is not a very good one... but she can't make you feel a certain way. The way her words and behaviour impact on you is unique to you, and comes from your 'frame of reference' - and if the feeling of being a burden is a common thread throughout your life, as you say it is, then it seems very possible to me that you are perceiving your T in a way that fits with that pattern.

I agree with others that it's worth sticking at this a bit longer, and that this is something you should definitely discuss with your T. I hope things work out for you, feeling like a burden so much of the time sounds very painful.

[thesnowqueen]

Sounds like a good opportunity to challenge a really deep-seated belief about yourself. I tend to feel like a 'nuisance' a lot of the time, so can really sympathize!