[purplemoon]

I thought your comments in Alexandria's post were very thought provoking and worth it's very own thread. Is it harmful, is it helpful? I know there have been many times it has been helpful, but I also feel that there are times it has been harmful also. I really would like to write more about this but I want to really think about it longer.

So far I would have to say that I have received more help than harm. What does everyone else think?

[ECHOES]

My T recently asked if I'd like to be able to call and leave messages with her. She would listen to them and if I want a call back to say so in the message and she will call me back when she can.

I think the calls have been helpful. Just having the option is, in itself, helpful to me. She knows because I've told her that sometimes I have thoughts I think I'd like to share but by the time session day rolls around the thoughts seem petty, stupid, unimportant, trivial... so I don't share them. Or, I just plain forget. So I think she's encouraging me to speak when it strikes me like the free association we do in session.

I have also called her in crisis and I think it's been very important to the relationship to be able to connect with her at that time. Even if I wait for a call back (instead of using the cell which is for emergencies--something I don't like to do) it's helpful; I get to sit with my uneasiness a while, have doubts about her calling back, then get the relief and reassurance that comes with her calling. I think that's therapeutic and I'm very grateful for it as well.

[lauren_helene]

Thanks Purplemoon, I think too what is a factor is a T's orientation.

I don't know how many of you are with a CBT therapist as I am. He isn't traditional psychodynamic. I can tell because Pink's T is and the whole session focuses more on the relationship while in mine, we are talking about where my thoughts and interpretations go wrong for me and my husband etc.

We talk a lot about my family as dysfunctional as they all are and how I can manage them better for myself.

We have some relationship discussions but it isn't the focus. I could tell at the last session when he said 'what have I done this time?' that I'm evoking something in him and he'll tell me what it is if I ask. I should've asked right then but I get distracted.

Back to the topic. For me, the only reason contact between sessions hurts me more than helps is because he doesn't really respond to it. It could be he is busy or it could be that we've talked about boundaries before and he doesn't want to encourage this contact.

What I have learned from this recently is I can't count on him they way I would love to. Therefore, I need to start building that system outside of the therapy room and I've already begun.

So the huge difference between my therapist and yours or others on this forum is that your T's are encouraging it, embrace it and offer that to you.

Mine isn't for it. So I'm comparing apples to oranges perhaps.

[WinterRose]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
What I have learned from this recently is I can't count on him they way I would love to. Therefore, I need to start building that system outside of the therapy room and I've already begun.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> I think that's a worthy insight that perhaps you wouldn't have had if not for the contact outside of sessions situation. I need to start building that system myself and in a way contact outside of session is counter productive for that goal. Of course, I don't want to build a system or really I don't feel like it's possible to get the support I want - so I rely on T too much. She doesn't contact me or respond to me out of session unless things are very rough though. My pdoc spoiled me with contact outside of appointments and that made it hard when he couldn't do it anymore - brings up feelings of abandonment. But I guess that's good too, because it helps me work through the issue.

[sunrise]

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almeda24fan said:
So the huge difference between my therapist and yours or others on this forum is that your T's are encouraging it, embrace it and offer that to you.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
Mine doesn't encourage it either, almedafan, and mine isn't CBT (he's not really psychodynamic either). But just the past few days he has been there for me outside of session when I really needed it. It made me feel really good that he was there for me in a crisis--like his boundaries about contact can be flexible if the situation warrants it.

I am not sure if it is a function of the orientation on whether a T offers contact outside of sessions, but that's an interesting thought. I think it is more a function of their boundaries. I think some psychodynamic have very firm boundaries and don't promote outside contact, but maybe they are exceptions? Do CBT therapists in general tend to have firm boundaries?

Mine does encourage contact between sessions. There have been one or two phone calls in which I have felt as connected to him as I have sometimes in session... then there are been phone calls which don't go too well. Overall, he leaves the crappiest messages ever which end up leaving me very angry. It's very important for me to know that he is available outside of session... whether or not the phone call or the message goes welll, this has helped me through some very rough times... I have occasionally made a deal with myself on very bad nights... I will tell myself... if I call him and leave a message, then I will not SI... and this had worked for me. I find myself needing to constantly check in, to make sure it's still "ok" to call. The last thing I said yesterday as I was leaving was, "So if I'm falling apart, it's alright to call you, right?" And he said, "Do you think it's alright?" Well, I almost killed him. I said, "Please! No more questions!" And he goes, "Of course it's alright. You know that." One problem I have found is with my resistance in processing his crappy messages. I have no problem telling him, "I hated your message. " But then (and this happened yesterday) he will ask, "What did you want it to say?" or my personal favorite, "What did it not say?" Then I shut down because I am too embarrassed to tell him what I really wanted him to say. I'll get there. I will.

[WinterRose]

oh pinksoil - that would drive me crazy too.