My Therapist Does NOT CARE About me At ALL!!!

Agreed with Yellowbuggy--IMO therapy might bring up certain emotional needs or make me more aware of them, but that doesn't mean the therapist is the person who fulfills those needs for me. Like if Hope is feeling this massive urge to reach out to her T and reassure herself that he cares about her, chances are it's not really about the T personally, it's really that she wants to feel like somebody cares. That is a normal need. Maybe there's other, healthier steps she can take to fulfill that need in her everyday life, she can make plans with a friend or something, and it's not going to fix everything but it's a step in the right direction for her to have more social support.

But she won't find that if she always falls back on emailing her T and he sends her some temporarily satisfying thing. Then she just gets more and more dependent on the T without improving her life any.

I'm drawing from hundreds of threads here and on other forums. The pattern of freaking out when the therapist is not available or does not respond seems to be exceedingly common. And it is definitely directly related to therapy in addition to the bigger picture stuff. Might have jumped the gun on this one so apologies if I got off on a tangent, but only because the original post fits the pattern, and no other background was given (and I'm not a mind reader). Example:

"I emailed the office and asked if he still wanted to work with me. No response!
I wish he would have said yes or no but instead, I'm sitting here full of my doubts about what his plans are for my therapy."

Also even if they met only a few times, there are strong impulses that are stirred up by that process. And this makes people suffer, for sure. Have seen it over and over. If it leads to progress for OP, that's great. But somebody has to question this stuff. It's freaking dangerous. People get hurt.

An observation... OP is not getting the reassurance or responsiveness she needs from her therapist, so comes here for it, and promptly receives it, in proxy form, from a lot of others who are also coming here to be soothed because of therapy wounds or confusion, but who urge her not to seek such reassurance but to self-soothe instead. That's some serious irony. I don't see anything wrong with this, other than any suggestion that the original need for reassurance from the therapist is somehow faulty. The assumption is that the (organic) needs by default must yield to the (artificial) boundaries imposed by the process. That's also some serious irony and begs for serious examination.

Hope - Perhaps T is showing you he cares. He could be helping you develop autonomy while still maintaining the therapeutic bond. Just an idea. xo

Is there an ethical guideline on what is "timely"? I honestly don't know. My T and pdoc have always contacted me back on the day, but I've found it unusual. (I rarely contact them between appts.) Not expected.

Other professionals--lawyers. They prioritize as to what case is in court next. Or what corporate merger transaction is scheduled next. Doesn't mean other clients don't matter. If they forget the client's case and it's dismissed--that's different. That's negligence.

My divorce lawyer was AWFUL about returning my calls. She handled my "high-conflict" (her term) divorce. I'm a lawyer so I can see both sides. It bothered me but she was in court every day. When my trial came up, she advocated for me and we won. But she was hard to reach most of the time. Bothered me but I knew she was busy and my case was on her calendar and I was the focus come trial time.

My perceived emergency or need for reassurance was NOT always an emergency or a need to say "I've got your case," even if I felt that way. It's grey, I think. It was clear she set the boundary and that was reassuring. I dumped a hot mess on her lap and said "get me out." She did. But she controlled her client base. Boundaries.

The only service that is guaranteed 24-7 is the E.R. or calling 911. Medical doctors on call after hours? Am I mistaken?

I also think some things are best addressed in session. I've had a prior T tell me that when I called about an issue. Hope, he may be able to be more supportive when he can fully focus on you. I hope you can extend some trust and see what happens.

I hear you. Therapy IS painful. I was so stirred up after sessions that I didn't know what to do with myself. There is potential for great harm, as we've learned first hand from the stories on this board - particularly sexual abuse at the hands of therapists who are unable to separate their needs from their patients.

Therapy can absolutely be harmful in the hands of unethical and/or ineffective Ts.

One of the most important things a T must do is set definitive boundaries in the beginning. The absence of pre-defined boundaries is harmful. If a T clearly states they do not accept email communication between sessions and asks the patient to go to the ER if they are feeling unsafe, then that T is within their right to not respond to a distressed email. Even if it makes the patient feel worse temporarily.

I am hoping Hope's T will define these boundaries more clearly in the next session. It needs to be clear either way. If he accepts emails, he should respond. If he doesn't, he should not. It all depends on the contract negotiated before the crisis.

How are you, Hope?

That's fair enough, but then such a boundary is for the benefit of the therapist, not the client, if it protects the therapist from distress and empowers them, while distressing and disempowering the client... notwithstanding the patronizing the "lesson" this is supposed to represent. Bonus points if it's done in a way that demeans the client, which could happen quite easily, just tone of voice or choice of words. Just the mere fact of the therapist making rules the client must obey opens the door for wounding. Anyway hopefully OP will come out of it ok.

To be honest, I found the 'rules' of therapy to be helpful. As painful as they were, it was nice to have a boundary upon which I could bump up against as I had none in my real life. That was part of the problem.

The OP actually created another thread, letting everyone know she's feeling better about this therapist and is planning on sticking with him.