[precaryous]

A previous thread or posts discussed clients sometimes feeling jealous or resentful of T's family. I get that. I would like to be in T's family.

How do you feel about T's family, S.O., or children? Do you feel jealous? Do you feel protective? Maybe you don't think about it or care? Why?

Have you asked T whether her family/children resent the time T spends with their clients? Or, do you wonder if T's family/children feel resentful of T's clients?

[stopdog]

I don't really think or care about them at all. The woman's children are grown and is on her second (at least) husband. Other than wondering from time to time exactly how batshit crazy she is in her real life, it has no bearing on me.

[DodgersMom]

Funny you posted this, was literally discussing this with something this am

I have BAD jealousy issues, something I've struggled with my whole life but have never said it in therapy yet, I am too ashamed for him to know that side of me

I am very much jealous.... of his wife.... and not because of anything romantic or sexual but because she gets to have an amazing guy like him by her side in life. He has no kids. I am jealous of his friends, they can hang out and have a blast with him.

I am jealous of other clients. I don't like thinking he might like them more than me or that they might get some of the same things I do that I think of as special.

It is very hard, I feel like a horrible person because of this. I should bring it up but I doubt I ever will.

*I should note, he shares about his wife and friends often. I don't ask, he just tells so I know quite a bit about them, that does not help lol*

[QueenCopper]

My therapist and I do not talk about her family. All I know she does not have kids and her husband is a therapist too. I am sure there are some interesting conversations in their house.

[captgut]

I'm jealous of his child mostly. Wife, friends, other clients...too. But less.
I'm sure he's a great Dad.

[nottrustin]

I am not jealous of her family. Her son lives out of state and they have a good relationship. But I am not jealous. I get upset with her significant other though. She moved 2 1/2 hours to live with him. She gave up almost everything (home office, house she loved,flower and vegetable gardens, activities, etc). He couldn't give up his house and there are things he won't allow at his house, like a pool...it is her life and for the most part she seems happy but O know it is hard on her.

I am not jealous of other clients. Partially because I know she has allowed me to do things that she wpuldnt let everybody else...before the move of course.

[anais_anais]

I am ultra jealous of M's daughter. She is exactly my age, I happen to know. I don't necessarily want to replace her. It would be neat to be her sister. She sounds like a cool lady.

His wife, not so jealous. One time he slipped up, I was telling him his lightswitch plate was screwed on upside down, and he was like, "you're right, that's totally something my mom... I mean... my wife would notice too." Then I laughed at him and he tried to cover his ***. I was occasionally jealous of his wife before that but now I have an idea of how things tend to go in that particular relationship.

I never thought about the client thing. *shrugs*

[junkDNA]

jealous of his kids but i am happy he has a family. im happy that he is happy.

[awkwardlyyours]

No, I really don't have any feelings about her family.

Recently though, when I'd asked her for a session right before her vacation (after I'd earlier told her that I didn't want to see her during this time), she said she'll let me know because she has to sort out the logistics of picking up her kid from camp. I immediately told her it's fine and I don't need to see her -- mostly coz I wasn't in a bad enough shape for her to change her plans and it's something I would've told anyone, really. She repeatedly asked me then if I was trying to protect her or her kid -- I said no but I'm not sure she bought it.

I don't really care to know what her family thinks of her clients either.

I am rather sensitive though to times when I think she's treating me somehow as less than her other clients (which almost entirely stems from my issues, I know).

[ElectricManatee]

I'm sometimes jealous of her kids and have told her so. She has told me that she is protective of her time with her kids but also protective of the time she sets aside for her clients (in reference to her moving but not canceling my appointment because of last-minute childcare arrangements for her sick kid). I think her partner sounds like a fun, goofy guy who might be nice to know, but I don't have any particular feelings toward him. I haven't asked how they feel about the time she spends with clients because I don't really think it's relevant or important for me to know. I imagine they would see her devotion to her job as kind of part of the package of who she is, for better or for worse. I'm pretty sure I feel this way specifically because I have a great partner myself but also something of a mom-shaped hole in my life.

I have talked to my T on the phone while she was on short trips with her family (once when I knew she was out of town and once when I didn't). I felt slightly guilty about impinging on her time with them, but also pleased that she made the time for me when I needed her. I was only comfortable with doing it because I knew she would welcome my call, regardless of what she was doing.

[toomanycats]

With my last T (with whom I clearly had an unhealthy relationship and attachment), I actually got upset when he left his girlfriend... I was terrified of him dating/finding someone new/marrying someone new. I had met him while he was with this girlfriend, knew who he was while with her, knew how much access I had to him, how he acted, etc., and I was terrified of that changing.
And, yeah, there was definite jealousy... :\

Current T is recently out of a long-term dating relationship. But, regardless, I have zero feelings about his family/relationship status. I don't have any between-session contact with him, so I don't have to worry about that suddenly changing/losing it. I pay for my time, he's totally focused on me during that time. I do not desire any sort of relationship outside of therapy. Not a friendship, nothing. (Especially after how horribly "being friends with my therapist" burned me.)

Same with Group T. I do like that she's a mom, though, because I feel she can relate to my mom struggles.

[Sarah1985]

Im not jealous of her kids or husband, more of her friends, but then again, I probably see her more than them.

[atisketatasket]

I've sometimes wished my mother would suddenly develop some characteristics my therapists have, specifically the ability to express emotion - like, 80% of my mother is okay with me, but I'd like the other 20% of her to be more like them.

[Ellahmae]

I enjoy Duchess spouse, he's funny - and the way they interact is quite comical. In regards to her children, I do feel a bit jealous at times, but most of the time I don't. Duchess and I's relationship is very unique and interactive, and might as well be mother/daughter. I used to wonder if she likes her offspring's spouses more than me, but I have settled into knowing that she cares about me and people can care about more than one person.

Duchess' family understands the time she spends with her clients, and they just know it's her and what she does. Her husband respects it. I do feel (especially after the Christmas text fiasco) that her children are resentful of how much time she spends with me.

[Wonderfalls]

I always figured I got the best of the deal. With me he was always patient, kind, funny, caring. With his family he had to spend part of his time being crabby, annoying, argumentative, and impatient--just because he's human. He couldn't always be at his best.

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by precaryous

How do you feel about T's family, S.O., or children? Do you feel jealous? Do you feel protective? Maybe you don't think about it or care? Why?

Have you asked T whether her family/children resent the time T spends with their clients? Or, do you wonder if T's family/children feel resentful of T's clients?

Since I am the last client of the day, and they only have one car, I often get a glimpse of her husband and kids...all totally adorable. I've never been jealous of them, though. Maybe it is bc my T is only 7 years older than me, and her kids are still small, or maybe it is bc she's so open about herself (and her quirks and faults), that I just see her as a "normal" human, or maybe I just am not jealous of her family, just because. Who knows!

I have not asked if her family resents the time. She has mentioned when she waffles back and forth to take off holidays like Memorial/Labor Day, how her husband is always like "Take the day off!" I once talked to her on the phone when she was out to lunch with her kids (She explicitly told me to call back even if she was out to lunch), and I expressed my guilt and she goes "Its okay, they know that when I talk on the phone, that the people I talk to are not feeling well. They are very empathetic and usually ask me if the person is doing okay after I hang up." OMG

I also think a lot of it is that I am just in such a differnent life space than her, that having a spouse and kids just doesn't connect with me in some way. So that probably plays a big part in it as well.

There was a period when I was in therapy and I used to be jealous of her daughter. I use to use the term "my sibling" when I talked about her (with gritted teeth in therapy), even though I knew her name. Toward the end of therapy I would see them at public events and would sit next to my therapist. Her mom spent a lot of time with me during marathon sessions. I never knew how the daughter felt about it.

We became friends after we terminated. It's been four years. Earlier this year I got a great opportunity to attend a special event and was able to invite a few friends. I invited my ex therapist and mentioned her kids are welcomed. She and her daughter came. This past spring I've gone to dinner with both of them 3 times and we all enjoyed each other's company. Her daughter talks a lot more when mom is not around and I found that I like her. My ex therapist has a nice family and I am not at all jealous of the daughter or any of her family.

[ruh roh]

No, I don't feel jealous of her children. I didn't even know she had any for the first year or two of therapy. I feel more of that feeling, though, about her other clients because I am sure that she sees many more interesting and likeable ones than me.

[healed84]

So, I know his family and it has kind of helped with any kind of jealousy.

[DodgersMom]

looks like I'm am the one with the biggest jealousy problem so far lol

in fall fairness i've struggled with major jealousy issues since childhood, just never worked it out

She's two years older than me, and I think single. I get very jealous of her friends because she has some "as close as family", who've had her back for more than a decade. I'm jealous of her supportive family. I'm jealous of her other clients, believing she likes them more than me, connects better with some and not me etc.

[Nammu]

Nope, not jealous. I know most of my Ts were married but never knew if they had kids, didn't ask and it wasn't volunteered.

[satsuma]

In my fantasy/dreams, I would like to find out that I'm T's favourite client, that he sometimes speaks about me outside of his work (not broadcasting my life but maybe just showing that he thinks about me), and that he does more for me than for other clients and likes me.
That's in fantasy land. In reality I know that I would NOT want to discover all these things because it would actually be a bit unsettling, and would it be a red flag if T was doing things for me that he doesn't do for anyone else?
So I will just stick to fantasy land! Which I think is about believing that I matter in the universe and that someone cares about me.

[Myrto]

Originally Posted by DodgersMom

looks like I'm am the one with the biggest jealousy problem so far lol

in fall fairness i've struggled with major jealousy issues since childhood, just never worked it out

I was crazy jealous of my ex therapist's children so trust me, I don't think you're the worst one when it comes to jealousy. It was pure hell. It was a very unhealthy obsession because I was following her sons' social media and at the same time I wanted to pretend they didn't even exist. Everytime they would post a photo on FB/Instagram, I would obsessively analyze it while hating their guts. I never told my therapist about any of this since I don't think she would have taken it well (who would?) that I hated her sons. With my current therapist, I found out she has two small kids because they're all over her profile picture on FB and the wonderful thing is that I don't give a ****: neither about her nor her kids. It's a magnificent feeling.

[toomanycats]

Originally Posted by DodgersMom

looks like I'm am the one with the biggest jealousy problem so far lol

in fall fairness i've struggled with major jealousy issues since childhood, just never worked it out

I struggle hardcore with jealousy of other clients, if that makes you feel less alone at all