How would you feel?

Today was already going to be a tough session, as we had planned to talk about how hugs are going to work between us. It was a difficult conversation for me to have. I felt incredibly vulnerable and struggled to connect with T.

At the end T wanted to talk about appointments, as we didn't have much scheduled. I found out last week from the receptionist that my T is moving to another office (I can go with her). To make it worse T was running late. I spent almost an half hour in the waiting room feeling abandoned. T said nothing would change with her moving offices, that she wasn't abandoning me...

Today, I thought I had an appointment in three weeks time at the new office. T tells me it was cancelled as she can't do late appointments at the new office. Apparently they had called me and never heard back. The next available was 5 weeks away...

I was devastated, I still am.

I want opinions! How would you feel?

Am I justified in being devastated, upset, and angry!

I'm sure I would also feel extremely devastated and probably angry too. She souldn't have said nothing would change if for instance she knew she wouldn't be able to receive you at your usual time. I'm sorry for you, I hope you'll be able to talk about it with her. 5 weeks is a long time, she should have talked to you about it before.

Can you get on a cancellation list? If you have some flexibility in your schedule, I suspect someone will cancel before 5 weeks, and you could take that appointment.

I completely understand why you're feeling hurt and angry, I would too! I would not only get on the cancellation list but follow up and call every couple of days to see if anything has opened up. I'm not sure about this but am imagining that the cancellation list could be casual and a little loose allowing perhaps some discretion to the admin who manages the list. Maybe if they really know that you are struggling they'll bump you in earlier. I think that 5 weeks is a really long time to wait after an emotional session. Good luck!

I would feel so upset and hurt and abandoned that I'd struggle to meet with the therapist again. So much would build up in my mind in the 5 weeks that I'd probably mentally barely be functioning. I totally understand you feeling upset about this.

I don't know whether I should contact T for help or not... I thought T might call to check on me yesterday but they didn't. I had a horrible afternoon, feeling suicidal and all. I was crying again this morning...

I would also feel really upset. I would reach out to your T. I think they tend to not call and check on clients (at least in my experience)--they let the client do the reaching out. So reach out and let your T know you're struggling. I also agree about asking to be on a cancellation list.

Yes, you are justified in how you feel. Even if it was a total mix-up or unintentional oversight at the office and nothing at all personal towards you....yes, you are justified to feel that way. Your appointments and time with your T are important and now you have to wait even longer. You can logically understand what happened (that it was an unintentional oversight or whatever) and still have feelings of anger or sadness or irritation. What we feel IS important and it gives us information about what is going on inside, but what we DO is equally important. You should express to your T how all of this has made you feel - that's important information to share, but how you share it - what you DO - is important, too. Do you go in ranting and raving or do you approach it calmly and adult-like? (Not saying that you would go in ranting and raving, just giving an example.) I struggle with this A LOT! I want to deny my feelings if I feel like they aren't valid for whatever reason. But feelings always matter. Always. I hope you are able to get in to see you T much sooner than 5 weeks. Thinking of you.

I would be completely bat**** if this happened to me. Call your T! You are right to expect support during this time. Perhaps just in case the waitlist thing doesn't bear fruit for you, you could negotiate for extra phone or email support? That way you know you can contact T and you're not completely reliant on someone cancelling at the right time.

Idk what your normal contact routine is, my Ts are both variations on minimal-to-none, but they are willing to bend the rules for situations like this one.